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KansasTherapist, LSCSW
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 566
Experience:  17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
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I have been married 16 years. This might sound trivial but

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I have been married 16 years . This might sound trivial but my wife likes to watch TV in bed and reads which is not a bad thing. But when I come to bed at 11 pm she will not accommodate me by turning the TV down or turning out the light . In other words see does not respect the fact that I would like to go to sleep. I work and she does not work outside the home. So rather than fight her about it I sleep on the couch or in our guest bedroom. Last night I tried sleeping in"our" bed again. She was watching a show on the laptop with the lights out so I went to bed even though the volume was loud I did not ask her to turn it down. I laid there for maybe 30 minutes then finally fell asleep until she laughed out loud at the show as if I was not even in the room. I told he that I was of course trying to get to sleep and I did not understand why she would not be aware of that and at least try to be quite. I take this as very disrespectful .She then proceeded to tell me that she has a right to watch TV if she wants without going into another room. She feels that she doesn't have to . I try in the mornings not to leave any lights on so she can sleep in and I try to be quite as well before I take my daughter to school. I do not get that courtesy in return. I ended up once again sleeping on the couch since I really did not want a battle. So Im up against a brick wall here. I know it isn't good to keeps sleeping apart and I hate it. What course should I take to resole this problem.

I agree that your wife is not being considerate, and can see your frustration. Can you tell how long this has been going on? Does your wife express any unhappiness with you sleeping in another room?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

6 months maybe. She acts as though she doesn't know why I won't sleep in our bed. I tell her that she really isn't very accommodating and takes this hard line about her right to do what she wants. She gets real defiant. The part that gets me is that I feel that she is discounting me and treating me like I don't matter. Not to be "materialistic" but just 2 weeks ago I gave her some very nice diamond earrings for our anniversary because I wanted her to know what she means to me. Then this sleeping things happen and I am doubting that she feels the same way towards me. Then I feel like a fool. I just don't get it!

Her behavior is so blatant, I wonder if she wants you to sleep in another room. The reason might be something as simple as the possibility that you snore, or as complicated as that she's angry with you about something. You could come out and ask her if she wants you to sleep somewhere else. If she won't give you a realistic answer, you might need to move into the guest room, then see what she has to say. Hopefully, at some point, she'll be forth coming about what the problem is.
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