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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I began dating a guy about a month ago. We are taking it

Customer Question

I began dating a guy about a month ago. We are taking it slow....(and I'm loving it!).
How long should we date until it becomes exclusive? Should I wait for him to bring it up (he's already asked if I would want a relationship, and I said yes..)?
One other thing...he's on a dating website...I know it shouldn't bother me but it does because we are not serious yet....but should it become should come down, right?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Louise Brady replied 4 years ago.
Hello, I am a qualified Mental Health Nurse and would be happy to help with your question.
How long you wait before making things exclusive really depends on how ready you feel to take that step. If you feel that things will continue to progress at a steady rate and are happy to take things slowly then there really is no hurry to make things official.
If however you feel that you need more security and some reassurances that things are heading in the right direction then you could try introducing the subject into conversation casually. You will hopefully be able to gage his reaction to this and go from there.
If he has already asked you if you want a relationship then clearly this is already something that he has been thinking about.
In terms of him being on a dating website at the moment that isn't something to be concerned about, he may have even forgotten that he is still registered. If things do become serious then it is of course perfectly reasonable for you to request that he removes his profile.
Please leave a positive rating, I will be happy to assist further if necessary.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Actually...he seems to log in almost daily....the last person I dated (for 3 years), did this to me except we were exclusive...whether he actually met up with someone, I'm not sure..but he pursued many girls from the beginning of the relationship, and lied about a lot of, what I'm trying to say is, I just do not want to go through this again...

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Relist: Other.
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 4 years ago.
Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

If he is active in his pursuit of other women while he is dating you, he is demonstrating his lack of commitment to your as he continues to look for someone else, or for other women to date, as he is more of a player.

You cannot build a relationship with a person who does not seem to value your relationship as much as you do. You have only been seeing him for about a month, so he is not ready to give up his website However, it is not just sitting there dormantly, and so is is operating in bad faith, it seems, as far as trying to develop a commitment exclusively with you.

It seems that you may be repeating your previous history. Continue to go slow with this relationship and see if he changes his tune. He may just be a player, and you will have to give him enough space to determine whether or not he his.

You are right to be concerned, but right now your best approach is to wait and see, with a wary on on the situation.

If you wish to discuss this further, please get back to me.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC