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DrFee, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 437
Experience:  I help people overcome anxiety and enjoy life again.
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I love my poodle and feel anxiety when i leave him alone and

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i love my poodle and feel anxiety when i leave him alone and guilt feelings when im away,my girl freind said she will leave me if i dont change, what can i do?
Hello! Please remember that my response is for information only, we are not establishing a therapeutic relationship.
Anxiety is a signal for the fact that we perceive danger, but the danger may or may not be real. In order for you address your anxiety you will need to first identify the thoughts and/or images that go through your mind when you leave Sparkey.
List as many as you can, and I will help you address them.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

i feel like i am betraying my best buddy and am abandoning her,and have guilt feelings about it.when my wife left me a few weeks later i found sparky and she returned me to sanity and i quit drinking and doing drugs and sobered up,i thank her for that,and i just love her like my daughter that rejected me,estela my lady,thinks its not natural to be like that .i agree with her but have no idea what to body would love and care for her the way i do,so i can not give her away,if i do i will always resent it and make things worse,thank you so very much

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Relist: Incomplete answer.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

i just want to know what you would recomend me to do about my situation

Hello Again,

It sounds like you are in the middle of grieving the loss of your wife, and that Sparky helps you with that pain. I do not think giving her away is a good option for those reasons.

There are some things that could help you:

1. Remember the nature of dogs: They sleep a LOT and can be content to be left alone for a number of hours per day (this varies with type/temperament of dog). Dogs are den animals, and like small spaces to go to sleep in, like a crate (you don't have to shut the door). How long are you leaving her alone for? Some dogs (especially smaller ones) need to be let out more often, some can go for a longer stretch.

Just because you feel like you are abandoning your dog does NOT mean that she feels that way! It seems like you need to objectively evaluate the situation.

Is she chewing things up? going to the bathroom on your floor or furniture? If these things are NOT happening, then there is a good probability that she's actually OK while you are gone.

You could use some kind of APP even from your phone to watch her and check in on her --I'm not an expert on these kinds of apps, but I know people who use them.

2. Think about whether or not you have jumped into a new relationship with a girlfriend too quickly. I don't know your circumstances, but if your wife only left you a few weeks ago, perhaps it was too soon? You'll need to think about this one. Even if you had a bad relationship, you still need to go through the process of grieving.

If it is an OK time for you to have a girlfriend, I hope that you would have one who can understand that you are recovering from some issues (the drug use/drinking) and need the extra support that Sparky brings to you. I would hope that anyone that you are in a relationship with would be patient and understand that you need this right now.

Please feel free to follow up with me.


Dr. Fee

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Dr. Fee my girl freind has been living with me for 8 months and objects to my habits with her,when we go out i take sparky and she thinks i don't give her (estela) all my attention, when we eat i feed sparky what we eat and give her scraps,i even take her to bbq's or the beach with us,i hug her and kiss her like a little girl and walk her every day (we have been dating two years,living together 8 months) if we go out of state i am impatiant to return and if sparky comes along im fine.she's not happy she feels there is no quality time for us,and she loves me very much............thank you Dr.Fee,please help me with this

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Relist: Other.
need a fast answer since i'm going out of town to work in 25 minutes,dr fee is great a loved her advice but i know she's busy.since she is probably on demand because of her competence
I do apologize for not being able to get back to you quickly, and I see that no one else has responded to you, so I will keep going. Thank you for your kind words.
Thank you for clarifying about your relationship with Estela, but what is the situation with your wife (you said she left a few weeks ago).
What you describe regarding your dog does not sound out of the ordinary. At the same time, could it be true that Estela is feeling like she's not getting enough attention from you and can only point to Sparky as the cause?
I'm wondering if there's room for both --where you can give Estela more attention without changing your relationship with your dog. Perhaps there are issues in your relationship with Estella that need addressing AND would need addressing even if you didn't have Sparky.
Dr. Fee
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