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Bill
Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3707
Experience:  35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's
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Different sex drives

Customer Question

I am 48 and have been with my husband for 16 years. I was very sexually experienced while he only had a few girlfriends before he met me.


We had a very good sex life to begin with (although he's always been a bit conservative for my taste). After having twins very quickly our sex life has quickly dwindled to a minimum. As the years passed he seemed to get less rather than more interested and we would go for years without any sex.


Any attempt at my part to spice things up over the years have failed miserably. He refused to use the vibrator I bought (we don't need that). I bought a sex swing about 10 years ago, it's still not attached to the ceiling although initially he seemed to like the idea. Anything I ask for in bed is taken as criticism of his technique that worked fine for his previous girlfriend.


Part of the problem is that although I want to make love pretty much every day, I also like to be wooed and would like him to make the first move to get me in the mood, which happens very infrequently.


While I don't want to leave my husband or have an affair I am also not ready for this geriatric lifestyle. My husband knows all this and he loves me and says he is turned on by me nothing ever changes. I would be grateful for any insights.

Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Bill replied 4 years ago.

Bill :

Hello- Thank you for asking the question. I have over 30 years of experience working with individuals, couples and families & am happy to reply.

Bill :

I am sorry to hear about these problems the sexual relationship with your husband.

Bill :

I am wondering after reading what you have written how you would describe your marriage outside of the sexual arena?

JACUSTOMER-2p50kw8x- :

We make a a really good team bringing up our children and in every other way

Bill :

That is good as it the foundation of a good relationship.

Has your husband ever been tested for low libido- low testosterone or and such medical tests to see if his has inhibited sexual desire?

JACUSTOMER-2p50kw8x- :

no

JACUSTOMER-2p50kw8x- :

I don't think he considers himself as someone with low libido

Bill :

Okay- this is going to be necessary-

Many men have low libido as a result of many issues and it is often the culprit in these types of problems. They simply have no sexual desire........and of course this is something that can be treated.

JACUSTOMER-2p50kw8x- :

so you think this is a medical problem?

Bill :

http://www.patient.co.uk/doctor/Loss-of-Libido.htm

It could very well be a medical problem. This can be tested through your GP with blood tests for Testosterone level and other issues that can be detected as a result.

The link above addresses this and other reasons that contribute to loss of libido in men.

JACUSTOMER-2p50kw8x- :

thank you

Bill :

Another issue that you want to have checked is hypothyroidism- This can also be tested through blood profiling and is addressed here:

http://www.patient.co.uk/doctor/Hypopituitarism.htm

This is a very common reason why men have loss of sexual desire. Until you rule out medical issues than you cannot resolve the sexual problem and this is probably why counseling was not successful.

I would suspect that there may be something going on medically-------That upon evaluation can be treated.

Bill :

Here is additional information that will help.

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/loss-of-libido/Pages/Introduction.aspx

JACUSTOMER-2p50kw8x- :

Thank you for your help

Bill :

You are most welcome.

Kindest regards, Bill

I APPRECIATE YOUR POSITIVE RATING SO THAT I RECEIVE CREDIT FOR MY TIME

Thanks and all the best to you, your husband and children!

Bill :

you will have a complete copy of this chat in email after Rating.

Expert:  Bill replied 4 years ago.
I trust this has helped and appreciate your positive rating if you have not already done so.

Kindly, Bill
Expert:  Bill replied 4 years ago.
Hi Suzie-

I see that you have viewed my response.

If you have additional questions, feel free to ask.

Otherwise, I appreciate your Positive Rating so that I receive credit for my time.

Kindest regards, Bill