Have Mental Health Questions? Ask a Psychiatrist Online
What happens to the narcissistic type, in the end? I have 3 absolutely appalling siblings who are in their late 40's and early 50's, so they are ancient! They can't seem to think about anyone else apart from themselves and they look to blame other people all the time. Our parents are dead and my husband died young 3 and a half years ago. I have two children. They did nothing for him and they have done nothing for me since my husband's death! Some people have tried to reconcile us, without really knowing how difficult a reconciliation would be because none of them would understand that more than 1 person is involved in any reconciliation process! I am bewildered by them. I have always been let down by them and don't want to be let down again, particularly! Does the narcissistic type ever give up or is the lie they live with too precious? Is this the most acute form of narcissism? I await your answer! Thank you very much for throwing some light.
A true diagnosis of narcissism is generally seen as something that is permanent. It is a condition that per se can't be cured. A person suffering from the disorder can try to manage their symptoms if they want to.
From that standpoint, it is a severe condition since it marks someone's personality during their life.
The lack of empathy and self love are the main symptoms/characteristics of the condition. What you're describing (your sibling's lack of concern/empathy for others) is a common trait.
Very difficult for everyone else.. How do other people around them deal with this?
Some people accept the fact that such an individual is going to be like that. Others try to separate the person from the disorder. It is difficult though as these individuals can hurt others while trying to remain happy/satisfied themselves.
It would depend on what is taking place and whether or not you believe that they intentionally are doing it to be hurtful or if it is as a result of their true inability to act otherwise.
Even if you're to confront them, very little if anything would change on their end. Their behavior will be mostly self serving.
I don't know whether other people, such as wider family, cousins, aunts or uncles, accept the fact that they are like this. I know they think I should be diving in and helping but this is exactly what my (late) husband and I did. it appears to be a no win situation. is it a no win situation?
There had been some studies that show that the brain of those w/ little or no empathy functions differently than that of others (without the condition) It would be a no win situation if they are trying to do what is better for them than what is reasonable or good for others. They won't feel guilt doing that.
That mainly leaves you with how you react to what they are doing. Meaning, if you become too sad, afflicted, angry, etc. It would mostly be all the same to them.
The whole thing is weird and really horrible! I had a horrible encounter with my sister some months after my husband died and we came face to face. Body bent and she glowered at me through eyes that glistened with hatred. What kind of behaviour is that?
That behavior can be anything from a psychotic episode to her as you said being hateful. You may think of sociopaths who act this way.
Think of their past behavior as a reasonable indicator of how they'd behave in the future.
Behavior is often goal oriented. They're trying to get something out of being that way. Whether it is intimidation, lack of empathy, hatred, etc. in the end, it serves them something and that is why they're doing it.
I think you are absolutely right. What is the future for someone like this? Someone who can hold on to this? It has to be very bad for them.
It is bad for them only if the outcome of their behavior leads to consequences. These kind of individuals always want to be and believe to be right (Self justified) They disregard what others really thing and that is what leads to the vicious circle.
Most often, they'd continue to behave as they've had in the past.
Narcissism is a personality disorder. These types of disorders are not curable.
It is sad but there had been some hypotheses that one in every 3 people can have narcissistic traits.
The severity from one person to another could differ.
I have started a tentative relationship with a widower who has four children. A cousin of mine who knows both my sister and myself has said that she thinks my sister will try and come between that. So far the relationship is secret, only our children know. I quite like it like this but we won't be able to keep it up like this for ever.
You have to do what is best and healthy for you. You're the one watching your own back. Your sister may sabotage this relationship if she gets something out of it. But, you can warn your partner about how your siblings are. He can't be sabotaged if he chooses to stick by you and make his own decisions.
"How on earth did you get through your childhood?" asked my late husband, dying. The whole thing is monstrous. "We should have emigrated", he said.
It could be awful. It is emotional and mental abuse (if not physical)
Narcissists can make you think of automatons. No positive feelings are displayed towards others. They do wear social masks.
I have told my partner. Like me, like my late husband, he is a church going Catholic and believes in forgiveness etc
Forgiveness is all right. Just keep your expectations realistic of them and watch your back.
I'm not implying that you ought to be paranoid. Just be vigilant.
Trouble is you can only forgive somebody if they are sorry but there is no sorriness here - it just goes on and on.
If this is something ingrained in their personality, it is not like they can switch back and forth to being decent and nice and compassionate. They just don't have those qualities. As a Christian, it makes you think of Abel and Caine. Even though they were siblings, how different their personalities and behaviors were.
They won't feel sorry or express regret. It is a part of their condition.
My lovely husband said to me, "Oh I wish you had known prudence". It is not in my nature to be vigiliant. i have to learn this as much as these siblings need to unlearn their habits but you are telling me they won't learn.
Yes, you can learn. You've been through a lot from what you're sharing. They won't learn. Even if they at some point in their life try to, it is difficult to change this life long pattern. You had seen a disinterest in them trying and that is mostly what you can expect hence forth.
Otherwise you'd set yourself up for disappointment. It is decent to want others to be and act decent but some people just don't have it in them. It is nothing to do with you. To cope better, try to not personalize their attacks as much. This is what they know how to do and that is why they're doing it. Rely on the support and feedback of your partner and try to make your life as peaceful as possible.
As far as forgiveness, you could still love the human being (as a child of God) but rebuke the ego and what choices they're following.
You could say to them, I love you as a person, as my sibling but I don't have to like or agree with what you're doing to me.
There are some books that shed more light onto these sort of individuals. One, as far as I recall is called: Walking on Eggshells. You may find it on the UK amazon's site.
IAt the moment, I don't see them or when I do, I am cool. My sister, I don't have the slightest inclination to talk to again. I really don't think I will get anything out of seeing her again. I know that. It makes me sad, actually truthfully, it makes me less and less sad.
For your last comment, if I said "I don't like what you are doing to me", they would say ""I don't like what you are doing to me either".
Of course it makes you sad. They're your blood/your kin. But that is how it is at times. You did not cause this. Yes, they may say something and you seem to know what their reply would be. As such, you've already warned them. What they do hence forth, you've got no control over.
The book sounds very good. I might buy a few copies and give one to Anthony and keep some back. .
Try to view the situation as a trial of your own spirit. You're being tested in your faith, your humanity and your love.
That is what life brings to all of us at times. More trials for some and less for others It makes you stronger as a person.
It makes you think of Rudyard Kipling and his poem "If".
Another good one
Thank you very very much for this. I will search it out now. You have been extremely helpful. I'll see what both books are. I need to know how to live with this and live with my conscience that I am doing the right thing.
You welcome. Don't feed into their negativity if possible! Just remind yourself that this is how thos sorts of people are.
You're not abusing anyone. That is the right thing.
In the face of adversary you keep your dignity, faith and remain true to your self.
Thank you, ***** *****! I'll sign off now. You have been very helpful
Take care. Just remember it is a disorder that is not curable.