Thank you for writing in here.
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation.
It sounds like you have experienced a sexual assault when you were a child.
It's likely that your anxiety, depression, paranoia, insomnia and rage outbursts may have a lot to do with your childhood trauma.
I think you suffer from PTSD and depression.
I would advise you to work with a psychologist specialzing in PTSD/trauma, Cognitive-behavior therapy (CBT) and/or EMDR.
The most common treatment modalities for PTSD include cognitive-behavioral treatment (CBT), pharmacotherapy, EMDR, group treatment, and psychodynamic
You may need to see a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in PTSD. Cognitive-behavior therapy (CBT) and EMDR(Eye Movement desensitization and reprocessing) will work for both PTSD. EMDR and CBT (including RELAXATION TECHNIQUES, IMAGINAL FLOODING, GRADUATED & PROLONGED EXPOSURE, IMPLOSIVE THERAPY, STRESS
INOCULATION TRAINING) are most effective for PTSD.
You may find a licensed psychologist or psychotherapist who SPECIALIZES IN EMDR and/or CBT and PTSD & Depression in a community clinic, a local hospital or a private office setting.
Or contact your insurance company and get a list of providers with the specialty.
Or, you can search a licensed psychologist/psychotherapist on internet- such as the PSYCHOLOGY TODAY website. Go to (http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ppc/prof_search.php?iorb=4764) and enter your zip code and optional category of specialty such as PTSD. Read psychotherapists’ profile to see if he or she specializes in Cognitive-behavior therapy and PTSD.
Another way to find a psychotherapist, you may call your insurance company and can ask for a list of providers who you may work with. If you have no health insurance, you can also call The United Way toll free # 211 to find the community mental health centers in your area where you can get treatment described above even without health insurance. You can get counseling for free or low fee.
To find a specialist/therapist for PTSD, contact ANXIETY DISORDERS ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA(http://www.adaa.org) and go to the link - (http://www.adaa.org/findatherapist). To find a therapist who specialize in EMDR, please go to the website (www.emdr.com) and go to the section FIND AN EMDR CLINICIAN (www.emdr.com/clinic).
Another way to find a PTSD specialist/psychiatrist in your area is, you can contact any of the following organizations: the Sidran Foundation(###) ###-#### Anxiety Disorders Association of America(###) ###-#### American Psychological Association(###) ###-#### NAMI(###) ###-####
You shouldn't be alone. I hope you get help from a psychologist/specialist as soon as possible.
Please let me know if you have more questions or I have overlooked any. Warm regards,