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DrFee
DrFee, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 437
Experience:  I help people overcome anxiety and enjoy life again.
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My husband is seeing a counselor and a psychiatrist for

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My husband is seeing a counselor and a psychiatrist for depression and takes celexa and remeron. Before we got married, he told me of a twin brother that died in a violent shooting accident at 14(by the police). I found out today that this never happened and in fact he never had a twin. We have a picture on our wall of a child he said was his twin. This is not a white lie but an elaborate one. This makes me question our trust, marriage and safety.
DrFee :

Hello! Please remember that my response is for information only, we are not establishing a therapeutic relationship.

DrFee :

You must be in a state of shock, I can't even imagine what this would be like!


DrFee :

It looks like you are not here. If you come back, please comment. I will be on-line for most of the evening (I will be away an hour or so for dinner).


Customer:

I am here now. I am in shock, but also worried about what other lies there are. Is he crazy or attention seeking? He has not only told me but my friends and family


Customer:

This is just a new finding and I am not sure where to turn. I tried to tell his therapist, but I never did because she seemed uninterested. I am not an idiot and have a master's degree. Frankly I took offense to her cavalier attitude when I called. I tole her that he has been saying he is sick, but no vomiting, fever, etc. I felt that it was his mental health issues. She seemed unconcerned and told me to have him call her next week and then come in next Wednesday. I felt that maybe his mother could shed light on his three days in bed, calling into work, "illness" and she denied this happening before. I asked if this could be related to when his twin brother was killed, but she said "He never had a twin brother!" She went on to tell me about a twin that she lost and her other children, and seemed lucid. I called his step mother who said, I dont know anything about Kent(name of the twin).

I find this so bizarre because my husband told me that he was shot by the police right in front of him. He said "why would he die in stead of me?" He gave me an old photo telling me it was him and drove me by the theater where it happened. This was all over the course of our marriage. He told my friend the same story, and she believed him too. I feel like the lady that didn't know her husband was a serial killer, rapist etc. I just do not understand 1.)Why someone would do this, 2.) Will I ever trust him again, and 3) Do I want to?


DrFee :

Hello --I am sorry that his therapist seemed disinterested, does she have a "release of information," signed by him to talk to you? If she doesn't, maybe she was trying to avoid saying anything that would reveal confidential information.


DrFee :

His lie could be the result of mental illness. He could truly believe the story (as a delusion), I've seen this occur with people with both Bipolar disorder and Schizophrenia.

DrFee :

If that turns out to be the case, perhaps there is some hope if he did not "purpposely lie," but if the lie was the result of a delusion. The people I know who have lied as the result of delusional thinking while in the midst of undiagnosed or untreated Bipolar Disorder have been mortified when they came into their right mind.


DrFee :

I would encourage you to take a "wait and see," attitude --you need a proper diagnosis before you can determine the "why" of why he did this. Then the answers of if you can and should trust him again will come.


DrFee :

What was his mother's take on the lie?


DrFee :

Or --was she just shocked as well?


Customer:

Yes, we have a signed consent. His counselor is a family counselor and I am afraid she is unable to deal with this possible level of mental illness.

His mother said that "he has been known to tell some tall tales." I know he is exhibiting symptoms of bipolar with cycling. I will discuss this again with his therapist, maybe in a letter to be more objective. I am not sure why his medication would not be helping, but seems to make it worse.

DrFee :

I'm glad that you have a consent.


DrFee :

You might be right, perhaps this level of illness is out of the scope of practice of his

counselor and she doesn't know how to address it. However, I would hope that she

would tell you that and refer you to someone else!


DrFee :

I would still encourage you to take things slowly--it sounds more and more like

Bipolar issues (delusions) may be behind the lying.

DrFee :

It seems like the first priority should be to get his medication straightened out.


DrFee :

Once he is stabilized, perhaps the two of you can talk with a counselor about how the lies have affected you.


DrFee :

Compliance with his medication (medication that actually works) should become his primary committment. If he is willing to do that (and follows through) perhaps you will be able to build trust with him again.


DrFee :

So, if the lies are a result of the delusions, then perhaps you'll find a way to feel safe with him again and trust him --but it's still going to take some time. When he's stabilized, if he can understand what he's done and how it's affected you, then that will make a big difference. If he's not compliant and can't understand what this was all like for you, then that would be a problem.

DrFee :

Let me know if you'd like to discuss this further or have additional questions.


Customer:

Perhaps so. I think that I will write his counselor and suggest that she staff this with his psychiatrist(that perscribes his meds). He has an appointment wednesday and maybe she can talk to him alone then and "test the water" before I confront him with this.

He is fathful to take his meds, but they are not really helping

(in my humble opinion)

DrFee :

I think a letter is a good idea --you can really think about what you want to say

and how to say it. Hopefully she will hear you and respond in a way that's helpful.

Yes, it sounds like a med. change needs to be a top priority. It's good that he's faithful

with it though, that's a positive sign.


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