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Dear Dr. Keane, What’s your opinion on shyness or being

Dear Dr. Keane, What’s your...

Dear Dr. Keane, What’s your opinion on shyness or being quiet? In my experience it has often been viewed upon as a negative. I’m mostly of the opinion of so what if I am quiet. I read a suggestion in a book that says although there are negatives, there are also positives. It was that part that got me interested, as I too don’t think too positively about it. Most of the info is what I already know from chatting to you, but just picked it up at work out of interest one day. It also says about people who are have some shyness in their personalities think that they bother people and want to please others. Sounded so familiar. But then again, so do some of the positives, such as being kind and thoughtful etc. It also has bits about seeking help. That is something I am quite proud of myself for doing – deciding to talk to you. It’s still taking time overcoming some of my quietness. I want to keep working on that and I know I need to keep working on if I get something a bit wrong that people aren’t going to turn on me, and if they do then to remember I can do something about it. I do have that right don’t I? I was thinking that when it comes to discussions in medium to large groups I perhaps should try to be more involved. I mean I do talk and more than I used to and become involved, but I know that sometimes I still hang back a little because I become unsure and then worried about what I say. I’d like to say more of what I might be thinking at times as sometimes I find what I am thinking is right when someone with more confidence answers. Should I just say whatever I feel has to be said, I mean, usually it’s sensible. I don’t seek arguments and I know when to bite my tongue when needed. I do talk at these things and say my opinion, I just wonder if I need to relax more at them, to fully experience them and to quit feeling the fear I have at times at them about what people think etc. It’s a deep-seated thing, like most things. I bet you come across it often enough. You see, I want, obviously with your help, to keep moving forward and to keep improving bit by bit. Are you still enjoying Bramwell and have you ever seen BBC period drama North and South? If so, is it any good? I haven’t seen it, but might do when I’ve time, as I came across it recently. It's a relative's birthday today, so not sure if I'll make it online but I look forward to reading your response and to chat again perhaps next week. I hope you have a good weekend planned for yourself. DA starts here on Sunday so I'll let you know if it's still good.

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Answered in 3 hours by:
9/14/2012
Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1,768
Experience: Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
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Dr.Keane :

Hi, my thoughts on anyone who is "quiet" or "shy" is that as long as it doesn't cause any problem in their lives (such as a paralyzing shyness that does not allow them to socialize, or do much) they are fine. You do not have to look at extremes, one way or the other. It's not about people turning on you because you weren't "quiet" about something, it's that you now have the tools to speak up for yourself and you do. As far as participating in groups that is up to you, if you feel you have something to say, some input then you offer it to the group. There are no set "rules" on how much you need to contribute, if you have the confidence or even if you are unsure you are allowed to speak. You have come very far in terms of speaking up so don't over think something you have read. Trust yourself.

Bramwell, didn't like the last season, it was not a real continuation of the first three. But overall I enjoyed it. North and South I saw awhile back, wasn't great. Anxious to hear about DA this week!


Customer:

Hi

Customer:

must dash, but thank you. I think that's what I need to do is actually trust myself more. Not always good at that. Perhaps that will come too. I will be sure to tell you about DA this coming week. Can't wait myself.

Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1,768
Experience: Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
Verified
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Customer reply replied 5 years ago

Dear Dr. Keane,

I hope that you got credit for your answer here, as I think JA mis-interpreted something that I was trying to rectify in my account, so tried to refund me for this question, so I now hope that you will be paid for your work. I am very satisfied with your answer and have never indicated otherwise. I will let you know about DA when I can. I hope that you have a good weekend and thank you for getting back to me.

Hi, I believe a positive rating means I got paid. Were you online when I was earlier not sure how we missed each other? It said you were offline and talk about dashing, that is what I had to do myself. Enjoy DA!
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Customer reply replied 5 years ago

Hi, yes, I was online when you were. Think you were online before me though. Don't know how we managed to miss each other either as you were still there, but not on my page though, think you were just online in general. Wish I could have stayed online longer, then we may just have caught each other, but then, it sounds like you also had to rush off too and when I started to type I literally saw you step out of chat. Perhaps we both were in so much of a rush, seeing the time, that we missed each other, it couldn't have been by much. Later I noticed the time and had to dash out to do some more work before celebrating my relative's birthday. I do not know where the time has gone to. I sometimes wonder if it says offline if I'm not in the waiting room, but when I am online in the question page of my account. I noticed one day, think last Friday, you replied to a question, it wasn't long after 9pm here. That's also fine. I was online then too, but had previously accidentally clicked x on the Waiting Room Tab, so came out of it, so waited in the question page. I guess it looks like I'm offline if I'm not in the waiting room? Not sure, don't know from my end. I'll try to catch you beginning of the week. I'll have seen DA by then. Have a good weekend and glad that things seemed to have sorted themselves out so you get paid. I'll try to chat at the beginning of the week, probably need to be Tuesday after 4pm here or Wednesday after 8pm here. I've a relative coming at the end of the week who I don't see to often and got plans. Will try to be here at somepoint as really want to catch up with you in chat.

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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1,768
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Experience: Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.

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