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psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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I need help in dealing with a partners who has severe mood

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I need help in dealing with a partners who has severe mood swings. I need to know how to deal with this before I walk away, because I love her and so dont want to go

If you don't want to walk away then put this problem in the hands of professional. This will give her the tools she needs to deal with her issue. The first step is actually diagnosing her with the disorder that eventually she will accept. It may be difficult to accept at first. That is why you must be strong in your opinion of what should happen. You may choose before you talk to her to get information that explains different mood disorders including bipolar and depression. She may want to understand first what she thinks is effecting her. After she has accessed treatment work as a couple on what worsens these moods and design ways to avoid those situations. Sometimes people can avoid situations while others find that nothing in particular effects their mood. If after everything you need to walk away that is understandable. However regular therapy and possibly medication has changed people's lives drastically. You can find a therapist on the site for the American Psychological Association.

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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

There have been times when she has asked me for s but when when she is having a go at me she changes her mind. Its always my falt, she accuses me of being rude and talks to me like I am nothing to her. I really do not know what to do for the best

You have to decide what is best for you. You don't have an obligation to be with anyone just because they have issues. What makes the difference for you is whether she is prepared to deal with them. If she isn't then this will be a very troubled relationship. There should be no excuses - she is or she isn't into finding a solution
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
how do I get her to talk without antagonising the situation. I have tried ignoring it, fighting it head on but nothing seems to work.
Don't fight it. Instead offer her information and start discussion with "I am just concerned for you and want you to be better" Confront this but in a kind way where you are support rather than antagonist
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Okay I can try that but why is everything my fault??. I do nothing but be there for her and forgive her everytime this happens. But I am the one who is left feeling bad and she acts like she really doesnt give a damn.

It isn't your fault. She is in early stage of acceptance and is deflecting blame onto you. Don't feed into it. She is acting badly because you are accepting this blame. Give her responsibility back by telling her so
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

How do I do that??? the example I will give is this. I have her an opinion this evening on one of her friends joining us for a night out, this friend is not my favourite and she knows it, however I do make time for her even though I sometimes can be a little off with her. I am then accused of being rude, she will never do anything with me again etc....I ask her not to do this but she just goes into this and is now half talking to me. its me making the effort to put things back on the right track

You have to show her that you won't follow unrealistic expectations. Tell her that you won't go. Not because she says so but because the time wasn't enjoyable. This shows her that you have certain expectations and you won't be there because there was not any respect for your going out of your way. If this is an immediate discussion then she doesn't have the chance to give you the silent treatment
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thanks, ***** ***** only this one friend that causes an arguement between us. Is the mood swings reflective of the fact that she very rarly tells me she loves me ( even though I know she does ) and that intimate relations have recently been very few and far between??

It could be the mood. When we are irritable or feeling depressed compliments can be hard to come by. This is also true of sex. Sex is an emotional experience and this can greatly be interrupted by sporadic mood changes.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thank you, ***** ***** helped me put a few things into persective. I am the only person who has made her take a look at herself and have pushed her to talk about her passed that I know is affecting her. I dont feel obliged to stay I love her and want to be here for her even if things do get worse before then get better. I will leave positive feeback for you. Many thanks, ***** ***** I can remain strong.

You can do it. Best wishes
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