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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5838
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I think my husband might be covering up that he is gay.

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I think my husband might be covering up that he is gay.

Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

What are you seeing with your husband that makes you feel he might be gay? Have you talked with him about what you feel? If so, what is his response?


Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I have been going to psychotherapy and my therapist brought it up when I was discussing our sex life. He;s not really that interested in me and I dont really think he fancies me anymore. there was a time when I think he did tho, so I feel really confused!

Thank you for the additional information.

I can understand why you feel confused. If you see signs like he is not interested in you and you have a therapist bringing it up, then there is reason to suspect.

What you might want to do is to talk with your husband first. Even if he is not direct with you, his reaction will tell you a lot. Avoiding your question says that there is probably some truth to what you are seeing. Denying it could be either way. And telling you the truth would definitely help. That is the first step.

If your husband is gay, then you will need to find a way to cope with it. It may not be easy, but support can help a lot.

It is understandable that you feel lost, upset or sad if your husband tells you he is gay. When you are married, you make assumptions that your partner is sexually compatible with you and very few people question this in their marriage. We may think that affairs are possible (though we hope not) but not a change in orientation. So hearing that your husband might be gay and is no longer interested in women can be a shock.

It is important that you have a chance to express yourself and have your side heard if you do find out he is gay. Hopefully, your husband is willing to be understanding and supportive. He will have just confronted you with some very surprising news, so he should expect you to react in some way.

It is important that you and your husband decide how to move forward with this change in your relationship if it occurs. Find out if he wants to stay married and if so, how you will work out how he feels. How will his change in orientation affect your life and his choices? Also, bring it up in therapy. You both need to talk about how you feel and what you want to do about this change in your relationship.

If you attend church, talk to your pastor. A pastor can offer support so you don't feel so alone.

Be sure to take care of yourself in this situation. There is a tendency to push aside how we feel because it is so painful and hard to cope. But being sure you are ok and allowing yourself to express your feelings will help you in the long run to come out of this feeling better.

I hope this helps,
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