Mental Health

Have Mental Health Questions? Ask a Psychiatrist Online

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Mental Health

We have only been married a few short months and now he's

Customer Question
We have only been married...

We have only been married a few short months and now he's left me. He says he thinks the marriage was a big mistake, too much responsibilities he was not ready for and now he says he doesn't feel the same way he once did for me. We have been together 7 years and only got married this year. What do you suggest I do? Can I try to talk to him...or should I leave him alone, and wait till he comes back to me? Which I don't think he will... :(

Also want to mention that before his moving out, we had a huge confrontation in front of his family, my brother and his 2 female cousins. See...his cousins (who are fairly close to me, as friends) came to me to talk to me about my husband (their cousin). They told me things he's done, like 1 month prior to our being wed....they say he had sex with another woman while in cancun and they said that when he was at a club he tried to hit-on their friend and then got into a fight with some guy and got thrown out of that club. I confronted him with all that his cousins told me about him and went a little crazy, saying things I didn't mean ...such as I hated him and how could he have done that to me and I could never trust him again and that I wanted him to get out. He denied most of it and wanted to literally 'kill' his cousins...then he stormed out of the house and hasn't returned since, (nor does he ever want to come back). He says it's over and he's ashamed and can't face me, still thinks the marriage was a huge mistake and wants out of it. Wants us to go our separate ways.

Submitted: 5 years ago.Category: Mental Health
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Answered in 24 minutes by:
9/3/2012
Mental Health Professional: Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist replied 5 years ago
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Verified
Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I am so sorry for the hurt and disappointment that you are suffering. Your husband has too many outside interests and no sense of loyalty. His apparent lack of remorse or empathy for your feelings, and the ease with which he has transitioned to a single life, which implies other women and no commitments, exactly what he wants. He may be a narcissist, caring only about himself, and lacking the ability to feel the pain or sorrow or others. Narcissists are sociopaths and they cannot change, for the most part.

Your assessment that you do not think he will come back to you is probably correct, and in the long run is probably the best for you. This man does not have the character or loyalty to make you a good partner, and can never be trusted again. In the long run, looking back, you will see this as a positive turning point in your life, although right now it is so painful.

You have not gotten closure from your grief, but you are fortunately realistic about it.
I believe that you could talk to him, calmly, not in the expectation of him becoming remorseful and having a change of heart, but because you need to work this out of your heart and mind. Do this for closure, however, and not for continuation. You must be very careful that you do not get sucked back in.

This is a word of warning.. If you let him, he will use you and then let you down again, if it suits him, If you can get closure without seeing him, that would be the stronger course of action. If you must, then do so, but don't expect great relief or satisfaction. Above all, don't let him drag you into a cycle of using you and dumping you, because he will if you allow it. He WILL use you if it suits him.

I know I have given you mixed messages here, and if I had to give my intuitive answer, as the medium did, I would agree with her/him, and advise you to move forward with your life. End the old chapter and start a new one.

I wish you courage and strength.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, MAE, LPCC, CCMHC, NCC
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 5 years ago

but I don't want to live without him...I will not live without him, my body will shut down. I can't face the embarrassment with family and friends and ....I don't want to live, if he leaves me forever. :*(

Mental Health Professional: Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist replied 5 years ago
Dear Jan,

It seems that you are quite determined and you are willing to fight to keep your husband or to put up with anything he does. If that is the case, then tell him that you will stay with him forever, no matter what he does.

You will then have the opportunity and the time to win him over and to adjust to his needs and not be an impediment to him, as he feels you are.

I know that this is not what I suggested before, but I did not know how desperate you are, and you must follow your instincts and see where they lead.

Sometimes we have to endure terrible hardships to reach our goals and your determination is so great, that I recommend that you go back to him and apologize for what you said and ask him to mercifully take you back.

Be strong, and don't take no for an answer..

I wish you great success.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 5 years ago

My name was Jen...if you can't even remember or copy my name (right), then how do I know you're giving me good advice?

Mental Health Professional: Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist replied 5 years ago
Dear *****,

I am sorry that I mispelled your name. It came up in very tiny letters and my eyes could not see the difference between the e and the a. I might have misread a small letter, but I have given you excellent advice. Let us continue to focus on the issue, which is the purpose of this discussion.

You seem to be up against a very difficult situation and you will not take "no" for an answer, and you will not accept failure. Therefore, you have to stand up and fight for what you believe in and win him back. Your other options are not acceptable.

I know how upset you are about this, but you must not fall into despair. This is the time to stand up and be strong, and not be defeated.

You have 7 good years behind you and you have to draw from all of the positive experiences you have previously shared with him. Right now he is distracted and thinking that he likes the single life. However, he will soon tire of it.

You must not follow the advice of the spiritual medium, for if you leave him alone, he will drift further and further away from you.

Sometimes, in a battle, retreat is a strategy, but in this case it is not, for you will let him get away. Pursue your man and win him back. Stay positive and keep your eye on the prize.

I wish you great success.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 5 years ago

I honestly don't believe your contradictory replies were worth the $35 I sent you. I mean, first you replied saying leave him ...he's no good and then when you realized I might hate myself or do something stupid, you replied 'go after him' . I mean which do you really think I should be doing? And why are you just saying what I want to hear rather than being honest and telling me what's up with what's going on?

I'm now more messed up if anything....

Mental Health Professional: Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist replied 5 years ago
Dear *****,

I have received no payments from you and if you like I can have your money refunded.

I told you what I though was best for you, but when you started talking in terms of "I don't want to live without him", then I am ethically obliged discourage you from potential self-harm and buy some time for you to prevent you from hurting yourself. You made it clear that my answer was unacceptable and that there may be consequences for you.

I am a psychotherapist and I actually do care about you, and want to help you to either get him back, or if not possible, to survive, intact and move on.

I have not been paid for this service, nor do I expect to. If you like, I will get you a refund of every penny you have put on deposit. If you like, you can ask for a refund yourself, or you can ask for a RELIST if you want someone else to take this question, if they want to.

I wish you the best. If you want to go on without talking to me further, simply hit RELIST or ask for a refund, or ask me to get you a refund. I am at your service and will continue to help you whether you pay me or not.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Ask Elliott, LPCC, NCC Your Own Question
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
7,664 Satisfied Customers
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much

Corrie MollPretoria, South Africa

I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well!

ClaudiaAlbuquerque, NM

Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion.

KevinBeaverton, OR

Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
I feel better already! Thank you.

ElanorTracy, CA

Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem.

JulieLockesburg, AR

You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions.

John and StefanieTucson, AZ

I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!!

Janet VPhoenix, AZ

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

Dr. Keane

Dr. Keane

Therapist

1,379 satisfied customers

Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.

TherapistMarryAnn

TherapistMarryAnn

Therapist

4,021 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.

Dr. Olsen

Dr. Olsen

Psychologist

2,336 satisfied customers

PsyD Psychologist

Norman M.

Norman M.

Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA

2,246 satisfied customers

ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.

Dr. Michael

Dr. Michael

Psychologist

2,177 satisfied customers

Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.

Steven Olsen

Steven Olsen

Therapist

1,728 satisfied customers

More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education

Anna

Anna

Mental Health Professional

1,656 satisfied customers

Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.

< Previous | Next >

Related Mental Health Questions
My ex did gay porn but swears he's not gay.. he's so back
My ex did gay porn but swears he's not gay.. he's so back and forth with me.. he was addicted to oxy I love him but he's so closed off… read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
I keep thinking about what I did when I was younger, when I
I keep thinking about what I did when I was younger, when I was about 6 I remeber like kissing almost making out with my two sisters, they were 5 and 4 then later when I was about 14-15 I developed la… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
791 satisfied customers
I am having terrible guilt and shame about things I did in
I am having terrible guilt and shame about things I did in my past which have suddenly come to my consciousness - when I was about 16 I was extremely sexual and ended up sniffing knickers on a number … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
763 satisfied customers
Leah,I had a question I did get to mention yesterday..the
Hi Leah,I had a question I did get to mention yesterday..the thread was getting a bit to long anyway lol… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
763 satisfied customers
I did ask a male professional earlier about my problem, but
I did ask a male professional earlier about my problem, but it would be great to get a female psychologists view also. My husband and I have not had sex in 6 years. He had a mild stroke 5 years ago, b… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
791 satisfied customers
My husband call me a, he did it today. I told him under no
My husband call me a bitch, he did it today. I told him under no circumstances do you have the right to call a woman a bitch. He also tells me that I am miserable. Everytime he starts a fight. … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
763 satisfied customers
Its kind of imbarrising.. I did realize I could chat to some
its kind of imbarrising.. I did realize I could chat to some one on here … read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
My doctor switched me from sertraline to viibryd. I did one
My doctor switched me from sertraline to viibryd. I did one week of 10 mg, then 2 weeks of 20 mg, now back to 10mg so I can switch back to sertraline. I don't like viibryd. How can I safely switch bac… read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
Dear Dr. Keane, just a quick message to say that I did not
Dear Dr. Keane, just a quick message to say that I did not get that job, enough time has passed by to now know this. I've plenty to say, but not plenty of time this week as my gran is now visiting, so… read more
Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane
Therapist
Doctoral Degree
1,379 satisfied customers
I have a friend who says she has DID but she doesn't meet
I have a friend who says she has DID but she doesn't meet the criteria. Her alters are dead people. Mostly characters from Movies or Musicals like Phantom of the Opera. Would this behavior be a sympto… read more
llw26
llw26
Private Practice
Doctoral Degree
11 satisfied customers
Why some people get angry if other people point out they did
Why some people get angry if other people point out they did wrong things? I would think when people know they did wrong things they should feel sorry and try to correct. Thanks.… read more
llw26
llw26
Private Practice
Doctoral Degree
11 satisfied customers
Dear Dr. Keane, I did what you suggested about my dad.
Dear Dr. Keane,I did what you suggested about my dad. Actually, I spoke to my mum too and she's right, it just is not his kind of thing, to get support. You were right, when I initially brought up the… read more
Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane
Therapist
Doctoral Degree
1,379 satisfied customers
Thank you. I did download a book about a little boy with
Thank you. I did download a book about a little boy with autism, from the perspective of an autistic child, but it turned out to be 64 pages long and just a little too grown up -- even though it menti… read more
Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark
Doctoral Degree
129 satisfied customers
My husband lied to me about his. He did cheat on his ex-wife
My husband lied to me about his. He did cheat on his ex-wife after all. Now he says I am sticking my nose into his business. … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
763 satisfied customers
My wife and I did some role reversal consisting of her being
My wife and I did some role reversal consisting of her being dominant. Domestic discipline and domination. SometiMrs she makes me wear panties. I find embarrassing but arousing too. The whole mentalk … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
763 satisfied customers
Have DID. totally dissociated for the first time the other
have DID. totally dissociated for the first time the other day in therapy and embarrassed self. now terrified to face therapist again. any ideas how to calm anxiety and face therapist?… read more
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn
Therapist
Master's Degree
4,021 satisfied customers
I've been having serious guilt over something I did in the
I've been having serious guilt over something I did in the past. It all triggered when I saw a kid that used to live on my street. I'm 18 now. At the time of incident I was about 11/12 and the kid was… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
791 satisfied customers
I did a no no and tried to look up articles about what I
I did a no no and tried to look up articles about what I have and how pure O can sometimes be misdiagnosed as pedophila! Well I read a comment where one person says even if they've had these thoughts … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
763 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x