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Pamela, LCSW
Pamela, LCSW, Psychotherapist/MSW
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 747
Experience:  25 years of experience in private practice and inpatient psychiatry;licensed in two states
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My first wedding anniversary was Jan 1, 2012, had no idea

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my first wedding anniversary was Jan 1, 2012, had no idea that it didnt mean anything to my husband. he told me on that day that he was sorry that it was not sentimental to him. I was very shocked. an hurt. I let it go for now but have not forgotten. my second one is approaching and that one may be my deal breaker. it means so much to me. there are other issues that go along with this. do u think that something like this would be silly to break up over
Hello and thank you for contacting Just Answer:

It sounds like you are correct when you say that there are many other issues. The anniversary issue may be the symptom that sticks out for you, but there are many more. I wonder if you husband was more talkative about emotions before you got married. If you are pretty clear that you do not want a husband that behaves this way, then it may be time for an intervention.
I would recommend couples counseling if he would agree. If he will not, then the best thing to do would be for you to do some individual work so that you can determine what you can live with and what you can not. Sometimes, the other person in a couple will come into treatment after the first one starts because they are curious.
I am hoping that this type of attention to yourself will benefit you and make your future decisions more clear,
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

thank you there are other issues, his sister told me that he was incable of loving, he was physically and emotional abused as a child. he told me that he feels dead inside tries to fight off the feeling but he cant. he knows something is wrong & he shd go to the doc. he has refused to go to see his doc or anyone. that is the only time he has opened up. I hv gone to see 2 counselors. one said at his age which is 64 she does not see him chng, to go find someone else. the other counselor said whatever is wrong he has to fix it. no one else can.
he will not talk to me about anything personal. it has been almost 2 yrs now an I hv not kissed my husband the way couples are suspose to kiss, his version of a kiss is a smack. I ask why dont you kiss me, he said I dont no. he is a good provider, I live in a nice home, neighbor, I dont work, he pays all bills except for mine. the main ingredient for a marriage is communication that does not exist. if I ask do u luv me, he will not answer, but he can give me a card that says it on holidays. never affection, intimacy once or twice a month. I know what I want to do but trying everything I can to mk it work. I just need reinforcement for me I think its hopeless, he is a nice person will not argue, as long as I dont stir the pot or ask personal question we hv a perfect marriage in his eyes. I do tell him what is missing, what I need, he does not seem to get it. he acts like I nvr had this conversation with him at all or that anything is wrong. I almost dont hv any fight left in me. I feel like I am living his life, intimacy, affection everything is controlled by him.

Hi Shirley,
I can hear in your response how despondent you have become about the marriage. Only you will know if and when is the right time to leave. You have mentioned that love, communication and affection are the most important things to you. If that is true and you can not live without them, than that leads you to your decision. On the other hand, there is something to be said for having financial security in your older years.
I think it will likely take more time, but you and only you will know if you are ready to make a decision.
I hope this helps and wish you luck,

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