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Norman M.
Norman M., Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2568
Experience:  ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.
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I am dating a man who claims to be attracted to me but

Customer Question

I am dating a man who claims to be attracted to me but avoids sex. He has acknowledged masturbating a great deal. He also asks me to give him hand jobs while driving. He claims to want a committed relationship,says he loves me , but talks a great deal about former girlfriends and flirts in front of me. He is over 50 and never married.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Norman M. replied 5 years ago.
NormanM :

Hello, I'm Norman. Are you ready to chat?

Norman M. and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Norman M. replied 5 years ago.
There are a couple of issues here. He is 50, and has never married. That being the case, for years his most common way of getting sexual satisfaction was through masturbation, and may not, in fact, be capable of sexual intimacy with you, or be greatly afraid of 'failing' in some way.

Secondly, it's time for some home truths - he needs to understand quite clearly how this is making you feel - unloved, unwanted, rejected I suspect, and also that you are not prepared to go through the rest of your life like that. I suggest that you tell him that unless he agrees to counselling with a sex therapist (possibly as a couple), you will have to consider what your future is going to be. If he not given reason to co-operate and change, he will not. He's getting what he wants already.

It's all very well to say that he loves you, but are his actions in tune with his words? In your shows, I would take this VERY slowly, do what I have suggested, and see what transpires over the next few weeks

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Do you think I should pursue this man exclusively or resume dating. He is opposed to psychotherapy. I enjoy his company a great deal. However, I am concerned that he flirts in front of me, and ,contrary to his verbalized feelings, neglected,for example, to celebrate my birthday. In other words, how much should I invest in this relationship, as his words and actions seem so disparate.
Expert:  Norman M. replied 5 years ago.
I would go very slowly, and not invest too much. Why not resume dating?

As I said, actions DO speak louder than words. Keep your options open. Thank you for accepting my answer