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My mother passed away in May, I was with her, she had an

atypical stroke. I go to...
my mother passed away in May, I was with her, she had an atypical stroke. I go to bed every night and relive the whole day...what I should of done, what I could have done, etc. I talked to my mom every day. when is the pain and guilt going to stop.
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Answered in 12 minutes by:
8/24/2012
DrFee
DrFee, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 437
Experience: I help people overcome anxiety and enjoy life again.
Verified

Hello! Please remember that my response is for information only, we are not establishing a therapeutic relationship.

Hi --I am sorry for the loss of your mother. May is very recent, I would expect you to be heavily into the grieving process. Please excuse me if you already know the 5 stages of grieving, I'm going to post them here for you:

1. Denial (disbelief that the loss occurred)

2. Anger: (Can be at you mother, God, yourself, another person, etc)

3. Bargaining (If only I had _________ (fill in the blank), then my mother wouldn't have die (or ____wouldn't have occurred)

4. Depression: Sadness over the loss

5. Acceptance: You never forget, but acceptance involves getting to a place where you can live your life again and are not so heavily weighed down by the loss.

The stages do not necessarily occur in order, and you can go back and forth between them before the grieving is over.

It sounds like with your guilt, etc that perhaps you are in the "bargaining" stage of grieving. The stages are not linear, and you can move back and forth (sometimes rapidly) before the grieving process is over.

In our culture, we tend to rush grieving. We tend to expect people to be "better," quickly and worry that something is "wrong," if people aren't recovering quickly. However, grieving takes quite awhile.

In the beginning (which is where I think you are at right now), people experience extreme "symptoms," depression, guilt, pain, and reliving moments (like the day). So, I would say what you are experiencing is normal.

Grief becomes "complicated," when people do not progress out of these extreme symptoms over time. Grief groups can help, or individual therapy.

If after some more time it appears that you are traumatized (rather than suffering the normal effects of grief), you could consider EMDR therapy to get over the stuck points (www.emdr.com) --However, I think it's way, way too soon to consider that --I would say what you are experiencing right now is most likely normal grief. However, talking to someone could help a lot.

Please feel free to follow up with me.

Regards,

Dr. Fee

DrFee
DrFee, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 437
Experience: I help people overcome anxiety and enjoy life again.
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