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psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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I'm at the point that I don't believe my husband and I can

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I'm at the point that I don't believe my husband and I can agree on the same family priorities. I think he's a very selfish person. But I tried to leave five years ago and he swore that he understood then that we were the most important things to him. Now he's back to "all about me." I have tried to communicate. In every way. Do I just give up?

Issues in a marriage can almost always be resolved but the decision to move on comes down to what he is willing to do and what you are willing to do. Sometimes too much damage has been done and the possibility of long term change is just not possible. Being selfish presents immediate problems because change has to be about both of you doing things differently. If he is repeating the same patterns then it is possible that he really is not motivated to change anything. Then you face living with him as he is. I usually recommend a relationship counselor to fix marital issues but you have to be motivated to heal the marriage. If either of you is focused only on your needs, as you say he is, then nothing will change. You have to ask yourself what you truly want and if it isn't this marriage then make plans for a new start. It is okay to admit that the relationship is not working and make plans to abandon this so that you can be happy. You can't communicate alone if he isn't willing. Don't stay in a relationship out of obligation.

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