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Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.
This sounds like a very tough situation and the last thing I know you want is to lose contact with your Son.
It seems as if she would like to engage with you so she can "win" and if possible i just wouldn't bite and let her pull this nonsense.
your goal is to have a relationship with your son so keep that in mind when dealing with her.
I am NOT saying dance to her tune, but always know and remember what your goal is.
If she continues to bad mouth you to your son eventually he will tire of it and tell her to knock it off.
so, play the "game" smile, say hi, make your pleasantries and let her fall off the rails...he will see that at some point and ask of her something different in relation to you.
I am setting here in tears, I have tried to be nice and she makes up some reason or situation that is so far off base I am wondering if I have lost my mind...And no he has pretty much let us know we are we are to stop doing whatever it is to anoy her...He has already mentioned the holidays that they are going to her family...We have tried so hard to stay away from them and let them be in their own world, not ask a thing from them, but it is alright for our son to us our property to park his trucks work on his trucks, but I am not supposed to be around when he or she is around....
I am so sorry to hear of the tears and sadness. It is extremely painful what he is doing and she clearly has the desire to tear the relationship apart.
If you set the boundary for him and cut contact would that feel better for you?
I just worry that you would not feel right about that and if that is the case then you are at the mercy of this woman who sounds a bit trouble making.
see him alone without her and just keep your relationship strong.
do they have children?
You may be having some technical issues, but I am here so no worries.
I have been trying to show him that we are fine with everything that is happening, and this past weekend is a perfect example...He drives truck, so he isn't home to often, the property that I mentioned is where he parks and uses the shed, there is an older home setting on the property that I have been fixing up to just do crafts in...When he was there at the same time I was I invited him in to see what I have done, and he and his adopted some who is 11 came in and while my other grandchild and his son (Dallas) played with Madison (grandaughter) we chatted and the kids played. Not for very long at all...my son and I had another quick moment where it helped me move something and was gone. Just brief but good moments that I savor. So they had friends this past weekend, so of course we stayed clear, but later saturday evening my husband and I went to the park where everyone was at, (small town get together) was visiting withsome friends then our son let us know where he was setting, she was not there at the time, so we sat several seats down from them....I was just setting there visiting with all the people I knew, she and her friend returned and just were chatting and eating their food, so I didn't worry nor did I intend to disturb her, and I get branded for not talking....Monday my son was so upset that he could hardley speak to his dad about me....Just don't know
so very frustrating because one could argue that when she returned to the area where you were that she could have walked over to say hello.
I agree that savoring the moments with your son when you have them is the best thing you can do.
she clearly needs a lot of attention.
Did you get my last response? Because it will be hard for me to repeat it, but I will do the best I can....
the last response I got was about the gathering at the park and her expecting you to come over and I suggested that she could have come over to you since she was not in that area when you came over.
sometimes chat can be a bit finicky.
Have I lost you??
no I am here. are you able to see my responses?
I think I have lost you or is my time up??
Your wonderful thank you...You asked if Chad (son) has children, he adopted her son last year...He has an 18 year old daughter from another marriage who just went to college. So I guess what you are saying is exactly what we have been doing....we are just having trouble dealing with it.
Ok thank you.