KansasTherapist : Hello
KansasTherapist : It can make for a rough start to the process, but, yes, people are forced to go to therapy fairly often. Many people are ordered by the courts, children taken by parents, and told they have to go to save their relationship.
KansasTherapist : I can understand why your husband might be afraid to try therapy. Many people think they will have to dredge up all the terrible stuff they are trying to escape.
it could have been court ordered, but i didn't want to go that route, i didn't want to embarres my family, we live in very very small community. now i am frustrated that he wants to come back into our lives
KansasTherapist : I encourage you to stand your ground on this.
without getting help. he is a marine and grew up with a father who spanked, hit, embarresed him as punishment. He says he knows it is wrong and now he can stop. but i dont know how that works/
he doesn't think a therapist can help him
he thinks he can read a book and just walk away when he starts to feel out of control
if he could do that we wouldn't be here a second time
KansasTherapist : An experienced therapist has lot of things tha can help him handle things differently. I'm sure he is also scared of being judged.
is there a particular type of therapist he should see?
KansasTherapist : I agree with you. If he could have changed on his own, he would have done it already.
KansasTherapist : Someone who is experienced with trauma would be best.
i am worried that if he doesn't get immediate result with therapist he won't go back. like it needs to be the right fit and someone he feels can/will help him, otherwise i will get the 'see i told you so' this won't work for me excuse....so while i have your ear, can you recommend what to do if that is the case
KansasTherapist : I would suggest a minimum number of sessions, like 10-12. If he doesn't feel he can work with a therapist, say he can change once but he needs at least 10 sessions with one person.
so I will approach this with the attitude of you promised you would go and get help in order to keep our family together, here is a therapist recommended by the VA that deals with trauma, please try it for 10-12 sessions.
KansasTherapist : That sounds good to me.
thanks for your help
KansasTherapist : You're very welcome.