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KansasTherapist, LSCSW
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 566
Experience:  17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
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Spouse promised to see therapist now he has backed out and

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spouse promised to see therapist now he has backed out and says he can solve the problem without any help, 2nd try at same problem. I don't believe he can solve the problem himself. Do I get tough and say you have to go or your out? can you force someone into therapy?
KansasTherapist : Hello
KansasTherapist : It can make for a rough start to the process, but, yes, people are forced to go to therapy fairly often. Many people are ordered by the courts, children taken by parents, and told they have to go to save their relationship.
KansasTherapist : I can understand why your husband might be afraid to try therapy. Many people think they will have to dredge up all the terrible stuff they are trying to escape.

it could have been court ordered, but i didn't want to go that route, i didn't want to embarres my family, we live in very very small community. now i am frustrated that he wants to come back into our lives

KansasTherapist : I encourage you to stand your ground on this.

without getting help. he is a marine and grew up with a father who spanked, hit, embarresed him as punishment. He says he knows it is wrong and now he can stop. but i dont know how that works/


he doesn't think a therapist can help him


he thinks he can read a book and just walk away when he starts to feel out of control


if he could do that we wouldn't be here a second time

KansasTherapist : An experienced therapist has lot of things tha can help him handle things differently. I'm sure he is also scared of being judged.

is there a particular type of therapist he should see?

KansasTherapist : I agree with you. If he could have changed on his own, he would have done it already.
KansasTherapist : Someone who is experienced with trauma would be best.

i am worried that if he doesn't get immediate result with therapist he won't go back. like it needs to be the right fit and someone he feels can/will help him, otherwise i will get the 'see i told you so' this won't work for me while i have your ear, can you recommend what to do if that is the case

KansasTherapist : I would suggest a minimum number of sessions, like 10-12. If he doesn't feel he can work with a therapist, say he can change once but he needs at least 10 sessions with one person.

so I will approach this with the attitude of you promised you would go and get help in order to keep our family together, here is a therapist recommended by the VA that deals with trauma, please try it for 10-12 sessions.

KansasTherapist : That sounds good to me.

thanks for your help

KansasTherapist : You're very welcome.
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