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psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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What's your opinion on NOT letting a man return home since

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What's your opinion on NOT letting a man return home since the home will have to be placed on the sex offender registry? Even though there are no current children in the home, it is a haven for grandchildren, and his presence would prevent that.  I do not want to be barred from having the kids here when they need or want to come.  They are his "steps", but all seven of them are my "blood".  Age ranges from 13 years down to 1 year.  And yes, I know, for better or worse, and the offense occurred more than 25 years ago.

Coincidently I run a sex offender program do I am knowledgeable in this area. I absolutely know that the entire home changes when he is there. The Registry changes people's lives and if there are grandchildren you have to consider them first. They did nothing wrong. If he wants to be in your life, he will change his routines and arrange his life around the conditions he has. It is probably more common for a male to not return home than to return home. The reason is for the ones you have stated. Your life would be governed by his presence at all times. It is acceptable for an offender to reside elsewhere and have a relationship with you on your terms. Don't feel guilty for needing a relationship with your grandchildren. He has created these conditions and your life needs to be structured your way.

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Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I believed he was not guilty, just as he claimed, until he accepted a plea deal. What should I truly consider in planning any type of continued relationship with him after his release from prison in a few months?

He may be innocent but your choice still impacts the running of your household. His plea paves the way for many complications and you would need to work all of these out to accommodate his legal status and place in the home. You should do what you feel is right. The separation between you and any children is going to be an issue. If you want a relationship with him you have to make a lot of decisions. You have to decide how you will function as a couple and what this means to others you know especially your grandchildren. The relationship will never be a typical one and you have to be ready for that. If you think you can partition your life to accommodate everyone a relationship is possible. You would need to inform your family exactly how you will be conducting your life.
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