How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask Steven Olsen Your Own Question
Steven Olsen
Steven Olsen, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1765
Experience:  More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
45885103
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Steven Olsen is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Why is my husband humping the bed and actually thinks he is

This answer was rated:

why is my husband humping the bed and actually thinks he is having sex in his sleep everynight he had an affair and say he ended it he never did this before

I would like to help you but need some information: How old is your husband, and is he taking a sleep medication of any type? Does he take any prescription medication?

Steven

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

he is not on any medications i have recently gave him melatonin to help sleep but still dreaming of sex and and acting them out i wounder is he still having affair or just wanting her says he has no desire or sex drive yet once a week he can still perform

Thank you for that information:

During our sleep cycles we all, even if we do not recall it, experience some sexual arousal. This is usually limited to an erection in males and some sexual content within dream sleep. Our diets, anxiety, worry and similar can alter this pattern, and movement during that sleep cycle, such as you have seen here, can occur. As we age, 35+ this normal pattern can change even more.

An extramarital affair, or even a reduced sex drive will not be able to be determined by watching sleep behavior. And, although what he is doing is a bit unusual, this is not that out of the range of what can happen during our sleep. And, there is no way to know the content of his dreams, except that they appear to be sexual, which is very common in males.

I will say, in the most gentle way that I can, that there appears to still be hurt and pain in your relationship as a result of his unfaithfulness, and trust is still an issue. I would suggest couples counseling if he will agree, as an affair is extremely painful and most couples need some outside help to overcome it. Even if he will not go I would encourage you to seek support as you are certainly worth it.

I do need to be away from my computer for a few hours, but I would be happy to answer any additional questions that you may have, so feel free to post and I will do my best to assist. Steven

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

how do i find out what is or isnt normal behavior given the situaton

Thank you for waiting.

I certainly do grasp, based on your husband's past actions, why you would want to absolutely know what is going on in this situation. Best practice here would be to go through some specific steps to figure this out.

The first thing would be to eliminate the possibility that this new behavior is physical. This behavior is new and is different than anything you have seen from him before. So, having a sleep study done would certainly show if this is physically caused.

A referral from his primary care doctor is all this usually will take, and your stating that he is engaging in unusual behavior during sleep should certainly be enough to justify the procedure. A sleep study would definitely show if his dreams and sleep is normal and if there is any unusual patterns or problems.

If something is discovered that is physical, then you know this behavior is unrelated to any of his past actions. If not then:

The next step should be to see a counselor together. In that environment, with a professional's leading he has the greatest opportunity to tell the truth. Certainly no one can force the truth from anyone, but at least in therapy he has best odds to express what is really going on. Plus you would get the professional interpretation from a therapist, a person who is trained to read emotions and behaviors.

Using these steps will give the best chance for you to find the real truth, but above all things, be good to you, for you have been through a lot with him, and as I said in the last post, you seeing someone would also be very helpful because of the hurt that was involved in his unfaithfulness. Steven

Steven Olsen and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you