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My good friend died on July 11th. We are also friends with

her husband and three grown...
My good friend died on July 11th. We are also friends with her husband and three grown sons. This couple was very happily married for 35 years. He started dating another single woman who is a family friend on July 21st.His family is upset and concerned. We were a bit shocked, and concerned that this woman's motives could possibly be questionable.She was at hospice evryday with our friend until his wife died.Is there something we can do to help our friend, anything he could read that you would reccomend or such?
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Answered in 23 minutes by:
8/15/2012
TherapistMarryAnn
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5,896
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

I am so sorry for your loss.

It sounds like your friend is either fearful of being alone or he is trying to avoid going through the mourning process. People who find a new relationship after the death of a loved one usually are trying to cope. And it sounds like that might be the case for your friend.

This woman could be taking advantage of the situation or her motives could be genuine. It is hard to say. But either way, it is a good idea for your friend's children to talk with their attorney to ask about options to protect your friend's estate and him from being taken advantage of.

You can also talk with your friend and express your concern. Try approaching him by showing that you are concerned for his well being and that you want to be there for him. By supporting him, you open the discussion up for him to talk about anything he needs to. Also, encourage him to hold off on any big decisions and to take the time to grieve over his loss. It can be a difficult balance to know how to be supportive and how to address his new relationship. Keep in mind that just by being there, you are making a difference to him and his family. Stay in his life as much as you can so even if he does choose to continue this relationship and it turns out badly, you will be there to help.

You can also recommend some resources to help him cope. Here are a few to get you started:

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm

http://www.griefshare.org/

Healing After Loss:: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief by Martha Whitmore Hickman

Life after Loss: A Practical Guide to Renewing Your Life after Experiencing Major Loss by Bob Deits

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
TherapistMarryAnn
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5,896
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Customer reply replied 5 years ago

Kate, thank you and I will heed your advice and use the resources you suggested. I am thinking about purchasing a book by Alan D. Wolfelt PhD,

Healing a Spouse's Broken Heart, to give to our friend and also giving him a journal and encouraging him to write in it as he goes through this process. One of their sons who is 27 and single works for us, and I thought I would also give him a journal, and find a book that might be helpful for him also. Could you suggest a book for the son, and do you think what I have just shared with you would be helpful for our friend?

The book you are going to recommend sounds like it would be very helpful. And I like your idea of journaling as well. That can be an excellent way to express feelings and record the journey to healing.

Here are some books to help your friend's son:

The Orphaned Adult: Understanding And Coping With Grief And Change After The Death Of Our Parents by Alexander Levy

Grieving the Death of a Mother by Harold Ivan Smith

When Parents Die: A Guide for Adults by Edward Myers

Kate
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Customer reply replied 5 years ago
Thank you!

You're welcome!

May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or more stars? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer.
Thank you so much!

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