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psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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Hello, My question relates to my partner, who Ive been

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My question relates to my partner, who I've been with for about half a year. She has had issues staying in relationships past a few weeks since her last long term relationship of 6 years. For the past couple weeks, she's been starting to act distant and avoiding physical contact. When I approached her about this, we had a candid discussion about what's been going on. She starts to feel annoyed at the thought that a person has the right to touch her. She wants to please me and be with me, but for some reason she starts to feel this annoyance and this urge to distance herself; she starts to get into a negative mood. I've tried to get her out of this funk, but it seems unshakable. She also stated that she mistreats people that she cares about while in this mood and hates that she does. She's told me in the past that she's never been attached emotionally to anyone and that when this "annoyance" happens, she usually leaves, without word or communication. On that front she's surprised she hasn't done so with me. She said that I'm everything she could ever want in someone and more, and for reasons she doesn't know, she's feeling this way. More importantly, I asked her if she wanted to stop this awful cycle, and wanted to work through this together. She said, of course she doesn't want to feel this way any longer and that she's willing to try, though things may get worse if we do. What do you think is going on, what can we do about this, and where can we start. I have to start by saying that she doesn't have insurance, so therapy may be a stretch. Thanks so much...


She may have to work on her own issues at the same time because there may be something at work here such as a mood disorder. The symptoms you describe are consistent with an emotional distancing or possibly depression. This can cause irritability as well. Then the behaviors trickle down to effect issues such as employment, relationship or family type problems. You can help her in working on relationship issues but she needs to see what is wrong with her individually. You can contact therapists who work on a pro bono basis or you can even encourage her to try some of the online therapy sites which are very affordable. You can Google online therapy for this

Try to help her sort out what is an issue with herself and how that influences the problems in the relationship. You may want to try self help first since money is tight. My favorite guides for communication which is where you start is the Mars and Venus series. Learn to have excellent communication and you can solve almost anything. This maybe is what has been a problem in the past. When she can't resolve issues she runs. You may be the partner that helps her develop necessary skills.

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Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Is there possibly a book she could read to help her with her possible mood disorder, or her emotional distancing? If it is indeed a mood disorder, would medication be necessary? Thanks!
I don't not prescribe medication. My favorite book for working with a mood disorder is the Depression Workbook. It has exercises for that person wanting to know. Medication may be necessary if therapy doesn't;t help or both in combination.
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