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Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  PsyD, LPC, CHt
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Dr. Rossi... i left my bf's tonight because he needed to

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Dr. Rossi... hi. i left my bf's tonight because he needed to spend time with his son and he has really lined up bookings at bars etc. He said he wanted to book solid thru january. i said i didn't want to spend every weekend watching him play. he knew I was upset and later said something about spending more time with me... but i think he said he couldn't afford to do so. i am not sure but i think he is realizing he is losing me. He knows i am upset and i left to come back to my apartment... he said to watch the birds and i said I had it all at his place and would probably take it back too. i left with alot of stuff and asked if the rest of my stuff would be alright there and he said yes and said i looked like I was going to cry... which i was... He looked baffled when he walked me out and said i'll see you later and i asked him if he was going to call me ... he said if he didn't i could.... I can't believe this. he is realising he can't take his son for long either. he said he wanted to move from his moms and I said he could be playing both of them. he said yea. i told him the kid can't go to two schools accroos the country and that they would only but him in a stable situation, which he doens't have. What do you think i should do? or what do i address...I do wish to feel better.
Hi, I am a Moderator for this topic. I sent your requested Professional a message to follow up with you here, when they are back online. If I can help further, please let me know. Thank you for your continued patience.

Hi Judy,

I don't know why your question did not show up in my queue.

The things to address w/ him would be 1) what arrangements if any he can make for his son. Is there an option that his mother takes care of him?

2) In what direction does he want the relationship to progress. All relationships encounter ups and downs. What matters is the ability to overcome these together and not get too frustrated and give up before trying.

3) What is causing him the most stress now (son, finances, lack of predictability, etc) What is causing you the most stress. How are each of you going to handle that?

How much control does each of you have in correcting things on their end?

4) Is it possible that he is codependent in his relationship w/ his son?

Judy, it is not uncommon for a relationship in its initial stage to be more exciting and over time for humps to appear on the road. That in itself does not indicate that you don't love each other or don't want to be together. It is merely a test about how the two of you can overcome this in a constructive way.

Try to work together. If he does not phone, you phone. Try to find some time to talk about this objectively. His job could keep him busy but he's trying to establish himself in the new area after his move. It is natural. That should not be something that you think is taking away from the relationship. He may feel inferior knowing that he does not have a lot of money to help or entertain or romance you with.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I guess we just are not getting along. I am moving my things out of his apartment. Tomorrow, when he is at rehersal i will pick up the rest. he doesn't want me to go to rehersals any more because i am not at his beck and call to write things down. I wanted to go but I can't say a word and I am not taking pictures any more and he just doesn't care. He will find someone else to do so. He doesnt feel inferior... he acts superior and just blows me off. I am not happy to make the first moves and he doesn't know how to be romantic. His grand illusion of money to develope a patient is all hear say and he got an eviction notice which he borrowed money to pay his rent. He doesn't know how long his contract has and I can't live this... I will miss him but he is older and really doesn't have his stuff together at all. His health is messed up and uses it for sympathy or for disapearing to go to the er than leaves and goes to cvs and I really don't know what is true with him. Just alot of complaining at his end and ignoring of me and says "its all about me" to me when it's really all about him. jess... will he even notice when i am gone???
Surely he'd notice. At the start of the relationship, it did not seem that things were this strained. You were happier then. What do you think went astray to lead to this point? Was he not showing his true colors back at the beginning and, did you expect him to have these sort of issues w/ his money and son?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I just find it hard to believe him... he has had all these grand things in his life and now he has nothing... I didn't think any of these would be like this.... his health isn't that great and he is more or less a taker.... no really a giver. He always tells everyone his poor child support stories and puts down his ex in frount of his son....tisk, tisk tisk. He has been so very blunt and one sided and it seems like it is all about him. He tellls me that he thinks i am demanding and it is all about me...he said "me me me" refering to how I demand his attention. Well I anly asked him to swim because he said he was a scuba diver too and he got mad because i asked him twice. He should speak in the first person. I finally got this 96 explorer suv running that I bought from him with the aide from my son and ex husband... bf was not any help.... just all talk. My ex heard him say he would buy me new tires and I told him that so he felt obliged and yet he bought new seats for my suv for 100.00 and said he rather buy them than tires... yea the tires were 4 times that much, plus my ex had to remove the old seats and put the new ones in...what a job that was! You can see I am really tiried of this kind of stuff and now I wonder what I am going to do. I have stayed at my apartment this week sinse sunday and said i would come over tomorrow, but I think i will wait til friday when he has a party to play and i know the people too at the studio. He needs to know I am pulling away and I want my stuff back from his apartment. how do I go about doing that?

Judy, maybe the best approach would be a direct one in regard to getting your things and making a statement.

When you describe him now, does his behavior remind you of that of Stacy's?

If you are more unhappy than feeling any love for him, it would be the healthiest thing to let the relationship dissolve. That is unless you think that there may be a chance of things getting better and being willing to invest time and patience in it. From what you've shared so far, it seems that you feel more dragged down than in love and, that perhaps after the initial in love stage, you've realized that this is not someone for a long term relationship. You let yourself try and that is what matters.

You can't predict how things would have turned out or how he would become.

Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: PsyD, LPC, CHt
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