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TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3493
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker.
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I would like a women's view on this. There is something

Customer Question

I would like a women's view on this.
There is something strange about my wife's peculiarity about photos. She is highly opinionated about photos. So, when lately I changed my profile picture on Facebook to a particular photo which does include her, she became very upset and sad that my choice of profile photo is not good enough. She said there are better photos. I asked her to suggest good photos and she suggested some photos which I feel are not good. But she is very particular about this topic and she would not talk to me because of this or get really sad about this.
I want to understand her strong emotions around this topic. What she really feels and why ? I also want ability to have some flexibility in ability to choose photos I use on Facebook, say profile photo. I am completely puzzled about this.
In past I stopped sharing any holiday album on my Facebook profile because she gets so opinionated and concerned about each and every photo. Now I feel I have lost any flexibility in choosing any photos. I do not want her upset but I also want some flexibility.
What should I do ?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 5 years ago.
CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

CoachJenK :

Good morning. As a woman we all can feel quite hypercritical about her image and feel quite self conscious about how we look.

CoachJenK :

It is as if there will never be a photo that she is totally satisfied with as she sees "imperfections" that others dont see but that she feels exist.

CoachJenK :

Even with outside priase or reassurance if the distortion exists the positive feedback doesn't always make it through.

CoachJenK :

I do think it is lovely that you want to share the photos of the two of you and you want the flexibility to do so. You are doing the right thing by including her in the process and asking her to offer one or two that she can feel okay about you sharing.

CoachJenK :

I will wait for you to come online so we can chat further.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Hi Jen,
Yeah, I am often puzzled when she does not like some photos of her as I feel they are really good. But I feel she has different evaluations.
What troubles me is that even in my pictures, she feels different pictures of mine are good compared to which I feel are nice. And she is very particular about these too. Then choosing a picture becomes quite a complex process of back and forth consultations. Since I am not so particular but I do have my likings, I feel sometimes my choice should be also respected.
One not so happy middle ground could be I only share my own pic and then I do not go through lengthy process of picture selection. Do you think that may work ?
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 5 years ago.
I do hear that she has some self conscious issues and also may be putting those onto you by being a bit critical of yours.
While I think it is lovely that you want her photos there too to show your family time and together time, but you idea of only using the photos of yourself that you find enjoyable may be the way to go for a while. She is struggling with some issues of her own body image and they are difficult yo "cure" as they are often rooted deeply in her feelings about herself.

So yes, share the ones of yourself that you like and see what happens from there.
TherapistJen and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thanks Jen
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 5 years ago.
It is my pleasure. Come to me anytime if you need support. Keep your loving and generous heart.
Thank you for the bonus, that was lovely.