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Ask Norman M. Your Own Question
Norman M.
Norman M., Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2568
Experience:  ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.
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My wife is a lawyer was sexting with another lawyer I found

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My wife is a lawyer was sexting with another lawyer I found out after it was over but they are still in constant contact. What do I do?
NormanM :

Hello, I'm Norman. Are you ready to chat?

Customer:

yup


NormanM :

Just type when you're ready

Customer:

ready


NormanM :

Ehen you say they are still in constant contact, what do you mean, exactly?

Customer:

Live in different cities but share files and research

text often before i found out supposedly nothing but work now

NormanM :

Does she admit that she messed up, anmd is she clearly contrite?

Customer:

yes she says she is sorry

Swears it ended way before i found out

NormanM :

OK - the answer to 'what should I do?' really depends on a couple of things. Dou you want your relationship to continue?

Customer:

yes

2 kids and good life

NormanM :

Right - I'm with you. In that case, you have to put this behind you and move on. She needs to know, however, that if she ever does such a thing again, the realtionship stops right there and then.

NormanM :

Once she clearly understands that, I'm inclined to suggest that from then on, you will never refer to it again, and start to build trust again

Customer:

having alot of trouble trusting

While it was going on I confronted her numerous times

Customer:

Had no proof just feeling

she was acting different

Customer:

Lied several times when asked point blank


NormanM :

I'm sure you ARE having a lot of trouble trusting. All you can do, though, is make your position crystal clear, then accept her apologies, and take what she does at face value.

NormanM :

She would lie of course - itherwise whe would have had to accept that she had put your relationship at risk, and I'm sure she was somply too scared at the time to be honest

Customer:

i guess


NormanM :

I think your iptions are very limited. Either you get out of the relationship ( which you clearly do not wish to do) or get on with salvaging what is left. What do you think?

NormanM :

Hello? Still there?

Customer:

can't get out need to salvage but very difficult

She is out of town alot....works late often...

Customer:

I always counted on her honesty but....


NormanM :

It will be difficult, but in order to get what you want, it IS the only way to go. Just as long she understands the consequences of messing up again!

NormanM :

Remind her too that actions speak louder than words. She can protest all she wants, but one more slip and she is out!

Customer:

I was hoping for an instant cure but not possible

Thanks for the help

Customer:

Will take time I guess


Customer:
NormanM :

I so wish I could offer you an instant solution, but as you say yourself, there is 'ntone. It will tae time, and there will be a lot of trust needed, but given all that you have said, I suspect that you'll both make it

NormanM :

Is thery anything else you want to know?

Customer:

Why the hell did she do it?


NormanM :

I can only speculate - but out of town, working late in close proximity to a presumably attractive man. But it's only guesswork. She did it. Time to get on with your lives.

NormanM :

Is there anything else I can help you with?

Customer:

no

Customer:

Thanks


Customer:
NormanM :

Then I wish you BOTH all the best. Just go for it!

Norman M. and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you