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Steven Olsen
Steven Olsen, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1765
Experience:  More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
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I am a female abuser in a relationship that I would like to

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I am a female abuser in a relationship that I would like to salvage. I say intentioanlly mean things that I do not mean and once every coupld of months I escalate to violance. What can I do to change my abusive pattern? The times that this isn't present the relationship is happy and consistant.Can a relationship recover and flurish. The relationship is 3 years but I have suffored these patterns prior, with my ex-husband.

Most certainly this behavioral pattern can be changed. It will require dedication to counseling and to behavioral changes, and at times the process of self discovery, about why this is occurring can be scary. It is not easy to look into the vulnerabilities that drive this behavior. But you have take a very important step in seeking support for this problem, and that action is a sign of strength.

But know that this truth is consistent. Hurt people, hurt people. There is no doubt that you too are deeply hurt and that hurt is being taken out on others. This is a common reaction pattern in many, yet the reasons are often very elusive to those who have this pattern. There is little doubt though that you have been emotionally and even physically hurt. Behaviors like this are often driven by feelings of betrayal, fear, pain and low self value. Often these messages were given to us very early in our lives and we learned to live with them by taking this pain, as a displacement, onto others

But, and this is the best news, this pattern, once identified and processed can stop. For once you see that this behavior, the abuse, is secondary to other emotions and needs, those real emotional needs can be met instead and there will no longer be a need to engage in this pattern.

Yes, you and the relationship can recover. It is a slower process that often takes some months to get through, but steady commitment can overcome this, and I have seen it myself and witnessed relationships restored. Steven

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