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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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We are divorced, for 6 months but all together seperated for

Customer Question

We are divorced, for 6 months but all together seperated for 2 1/2 yrs counting divorce. No communication between s until 1 week ago and we texted 220 texts, he obtained the divorce but i was the one to move out. he was into porn and I could not deal with it. He did tell me he loves me, misses me and wants a lifetime of hugs but after that day of texting I can't get now to even respond to me. I am just so puxxled...
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 5 years ago.
Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

You have descried a relationship seems to have been over a long time ago. You moved out, and after two years he made it official. Each one of you has cut the tie that bound you together.

Of course you still have some emotional bonds, and always will. Living alone, I am sure that he does miss you and needs affection, as do you.

Since he is a porn addict, he pleasure himself and thinks it is lovemaking.

He has been consistent except for one day where he showed a great need for you. That day is past and he is now as he usually is.

That need might come again, but it is not a basis for hope or hanging on,. It would be best for you to try to move on with your life. There are others out there who are attracted by real women, and would find you attractive, not matter what your age or size.

It would be so much easier if your and your husband could just come back together, and there is a remote chance that it could happen, but not enough to base your life on.

I strongly suggest that you put yourself out there and try to meet others, if you feel a need for companionship and affection. Eat healthy, exercise regularly, and look for new horizons, for that is your best plan for the next chapter of your life. This last chapter is apparently finished.

I wish you wisdom, courage and strength.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 5 years ago.
Dear *****,

Many people in your situation cling to hope when there is no hope. You gave me a poor service rating when I took the trouble and care to give you a wonderful answer rather than tell you what you wanted to hear and collect my fee. I am honest, competent, and professional.

You put yourself in this situation when you moved out, and had good reason to move out, it seems. In the end he divorced you.

He may change his mind but, other than one day of texting, he has not shown any positive signs.

It is perhaps a good opportunity for you to examine your options instead of getting angry at me for telling you the truth. Until you stop denying that this relationship does not have much of chance, you will not be able to move ahead with your life.

If you cannot see any further than your false hopes, then go ahead and give me another poor service rating. It will not bother me, except that I will be sad for you.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC