Good morning, Kate. I feel a lot calmer this morning. Don't feel great, but better! :). I have court this morning (waiting for my client right now, actually), which will be a good distraction, although short.
I sang a solo yesterday on church. A song that is really meaningful to me. P, c, s and our regular drummer played with me bit been such a production. Normally we practice once and we're fine. Apparently the guitar parts were weird and s hasn't played in a while, so we actually practiced a lot. But c has been out of town and it was a mess. I'm sure nobody else could tell, but it didn't go great and the morning was not good. I was in suh a bad mood and tired and then we had to go over it so many times, I was so frustrated. I didn't feel worshipful and it was a wreck. That made me mad, because it I such a cool song. The words are so great. Anyway, that didn't go well. Got home and fell asleep. I think I could have slept all day if we hadn't had to move furniture in the afternoon.
Ha a bad dream saturday night an again last night. I am torn about what I want to do vis-a-vis Linda this evening. I'll go to my appointment. I need to at least connect. Part of me doesn't want to talk about anything, part of me wants to talk about what happened Thursday and Friday, etc.and part of me wants to just go forward and continue what we were doing so that I don't delay this any further. Whatsoever you think? I get the sense that Linda will want to back off, which may be the way to go. I don't know. When things happen like what did
Thursday, is that helpful in my progress or hurtful? If helpful, then I guess I could be willing to suck it up even if it keeps happening.
Also - you know how I told you c was inappropriate w/ one of P's 18 year old great nieces? And I think I told you that all 3 of them (the 18 yo twin & 20 yo sister) had been molested by their father when they were younger? Well, the oldest had told heron (she was 8), her mom immediately called ayluthorities and he was arrested and spent 10 years in jail on a plea in AZ. Just got out last summer, but there is no contact or anything. Well, the 20 to ("JE") has battled w/ depression and was in therapy on and off since then. She is doing so well. Is in school, working, responsible, has a great bf we all love. She has gone of her antidepressants a few times (never turns out well) and I think may be playing around with them again. Anyway, her mom, L (P's niece, good friend of mine) had talked to P and I several
Months ago, when one of the twins was having some major issues (drugs, shoplifting, anorexia) and refused to go to counseling. P (with my permission) told L I am in therapy and why and thataybe I could give them the # for Linda's center and maybe talk to J (twin) about going back to therapy. Anyway, I never spoke to anyone about it. But L tol me last week or th week before that JE was having lots of trouble a d having frequent meltdowns recently and wasn't too excited about starting therapy again because she didn't think it helped. L told her about my situation and JE aske her I I thought therapy helped, could she go to my therapist, and would I talk to her about it. Of course I said I would, but I don't know that I'm the one to talk to her. To refuse would harm her. But I am having trouble w/ therapy myself. I cant tell her she will feel better any time soon. L said she is blaming @ hating herself a lot. That I do understand. But ... I am taking JE to dinner tomorrow night. I don't know what to tell her, except that I think she should go back to therapy with soneone she chooses (since she is an adult now) and that she should probably get a referral to a psychiatrist for her meds, instead of the GP. I think she might feel differently now that she is an adult. I got the feeling that before, they all 3 went to the same counselor and sometimes were in together, etc. I wonder if she realizes it would be different now and she can choose her own therapist. Otherwise, what can I tell her? I am not an expert by any means, and I haven't figured out anything myself - so I don't have much knowledge to share with her. I can't tell her the right way to handle it or how to fix things, because I don't know myself. I guess icantell her what is NOT helpful - such as not dealing with it for years. I don't know. I don't want to discourage her or do more harm. Suggestions??