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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Kate. I called the agencies about C and A. I left a really

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Hi Kate. I called the agencies about C and A. I left a really long detailed VM message for one of the people, and just with that, she is taking it very seriously. She called me back and got all the infor I had on C and A and C's wife, etc. She's called me back twicee since then. She is working with CPS and they will make contact within 24 hours, because of A's age and his guns and obsession with them. They are on high alert since the shooting in CO not all that far from them. They said they are getting together the proper people, because with his weapons, they can't send just a lone social worker. The woman said that A was a casualty waiting to happen. I think it helped that I am attorney - they gave me a lot of info they probably shouldn't have. But according to the records she had, the whole aneurism thing was not true, the PTSD doesn't appear to e true (although he was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression, which may include the PTSD, I don't know). He hasn't been getting any treatment for any of it in a long time. EEither she doesn't have his complete records, or he is making a ton of stuff up (a ton of very detailed stuff), which is scary.
Anyway, the ball is rolling. I am to email her tomorrow with more details and copies of the statements and FB posts. They are also, I understand, going to contact his wife. I feel bad if this effects her career (everyone seems to think it will), but I am less concerned about her career than about her daughter. I hope she is as well.
I am listed as the "reporting/informing party," so he can hate me instead of the rest of his family, which is best.
Also -- surprisingly, the woman at the on-base agency said they would keep me updated and that CPS would be calling me as well.
I just wanted to update you. I feel bad, in a way, but this is what has to be, and I didn't create the situation that led to this. They seem to be taking it very seriously (in fact, those are the exact words they used), but he is kind of manipulative, so I'm afraid he will convince them all is well. But he is also unwell, so he can't keep it up when he is trying to act calm. I don't think he can control it, so if they put some time in and do more than a single visit, they will understand.
Talk to you later
Wow, Shay! That is wonderful news. It's great they are taking you so seriously and have followed through so well with you. And I agree, I do think your profession has helped in the situation. It is hard to dismiss someone who has to be so accountable in their own field and who understands the law.

Sending in a lone case worker would absolutely be asking for a lot of trouble. He could easily over power her/him emotionally and God forbid, physically. And in the worst case scenario, he could use the person as a hostage if things got heated up enough. He sounds like he could potentially be that violent so it is not out the realm of possibilities. These days, you never know.

He may be making up most of what he told you about his past. From what you saw from his behavior, he seemed to be somewhat narcissistic and if so, making up things to give him attention by bringing pity would fit. Also, he may have wanted to excuse his behavior so making up that something was wrong would definitely cover that as well, or at least that may have made sense to him.

There is nothing you can do about his wife's career. She is the other responsible parent. By leaving her daughter with him, she has basically abandoned her child to whatever this man could do to her. And she is probably fully aware of what he is like. So she could come back to a dead child. If she is unaware of what her husband is like, then it is even better that you do something. Someone that oblivious is scary and should not have a child.

Thank you for keeping me in the loop with this situation. I can't stop thinking about A and how much she has suffered already. Just by the actions you are taking, you could change the course of this child's life for the better :)

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Oh. I guess I forgot to tell you -- p, s, & t talked to c's mother last weekend. They called c and he screamed the whole time. They skyped with his wife, who is kind of clueless. She said he's better off his meds. ???? Then she posted on FB that her husband is back to himself & whoever doesn't accept him off his meds is not their friend. Then somehow, when S was printing out a transcript of their Skype w/ the wife (I didn't even know you could do that), it also printed out a transcript of c and his wife (apparently they Skyped right after). They don't know how it happened, but he got it. C tells her that from the first day she went back to work after having A, she said she would trust him with her, and so questioning him was going back on her word. She believed h that all is fine. He told her that the only problem at the cabin was that p took away his coping mechanisms (his Legos and video games - which isnt true. She just asked him to move his stuff that he had spread out over all the tables for the reunion. It was apparently unreasonable for her to ask h to move his toys instead of making 65 people eat outside on the ground). Also, I guess he is very verbally abusive to his wife. I didn't know that, but everyone else did at the last family get-togetherness before she was deployed.
Oh well. I just think it is screwed up.

Sounds like there is a lot of dysfunction in that family. A lot of denial and lying also seems to be commonplace. It's good that everyone is collecting evidence of what is going on through Skype and all. It will help A's situation if there is some hard evidence of what is going on. It is so hard to tell as a social worker who is lying and who is not. But you have some very good evidence to back up what you are saying. I hope just based on that alone, this case goes quickly and A's parents lose custody. I really do not think counseling will help her father or mother in any way.


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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
You don't think counseling can help them? Why not? Isn't there any hope of them having a healthy family if there is an intervention?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Don't answer that. I already accepted on this thread :)

That is ok. I just mentioned that because it didn't sound like either one is open to changing anything. From what you said, they both seemed defensive and neither saw what they were doing to A as an issue. People who do not think anything is wrong do not usually do well in therapy because they are not willing to change.


Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Oh. I see. Thanks. It took me until 1:00 am this morning and then 3.5 hours more this morning to finalize a lengthy letter and compile and mark everything I wanted to send. I ailed it to both agencies a little bit ago. I'll let you know where it goes.
Ok, sounds good. Thanks!