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Dr John B
Dr John B, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 557
Experience:  PhD in Clinical Psychology, registered clinical psychologist.
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I am worried about my husband, we have been together for 13

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hi i am worried about my husband, we have been together for 13 years, and married dec 2010. since november 2011 i noticed a great change in my husband, work had become slow, but he was saying what is the point in this etc, this continued, till i found out in march this year that he had been texting a lady, but in june this year i found out he had been having affair since sept 2011, he has never in the thirteen years, of knowing him does this before. i have told people he does not seem right, in himself, but nobody will listen to me. His symptoms are: spending money, which he has always been careful of.
mood swings, lied and lied,telling me he feel stiffled,
increased sex desire, drinking most nights, as he said to forget. the things he used to enjoy, he will now say he is bored with, i can see that some time he is aggiated.
his whole personality has changed.


I am sorry to hear of the situation. Can you tell me if his sleep pattern has changed at all? If so, in what way?

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
sometimes he stays in bed all day, or he sleeps in the evening, but it might be the alcohol. or he wakes in the night.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
sometimes he stays in bed all day, or he sleeps in the evening, but it might be the alcohol. or he wakes in the night.

Thanks. A few more questions:

Have you noticed any changes to the way he speaks or has he described ideas/thoughts that are different to his usual manner?

Has he been physically ill, been in an accident or been taking any medications?

Does he or his family have a history of mental health problems?

Did you recall a sudden change in his persona & behavior or was it more gradual?

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

yes his thinking has changed, he does not see any postive in anything anymore, the classic is WHAT IS THE POINT IN THIS, I WOULD BE BETTER OUT OF THIS WORLD, ETC. he get bored easily, he lot more tired, he has had road rage, he also sometimes have a vacant look about him. he have suffered from very bad headaches, for years, but they have died down quite a bit. I think his mother has suffered from depression. his father developed altzheimers in his fifties.

I started to notice around november time last year, as he was pushing me away, and i knew something was not right. he does has a temper,

which his mother and sister told me about, and i have learnt just to walk away, when this happens. but his mood swings have been terrible and frightening. he is blaming me in someway for the affair, as he said it is do to sex! i am so upset about the lies, as they are like stories, and i cant comprehend how anyone could lie like that. he starting to play really loud music in the car, and i ask why and he says because i feel like it. as said before his whole personality has changed, he came home the other night with bruisers on inside of his wrist and forarm, and he say he cant remember how he got them

Ok, I really am sorry to hear of the situation you are facing. It sounds like a complex situation but from what you are describing I would strongly recommend he be assessed by a professional.

With a family history of psychiatric illness and neurological disorder, a range of concerning behavioral changes and potential personality change there is more than enough to suspect that something is not right.

My initial thoughts were that he may be experiencing the development of a mood disorder (you describe a range of potential symptoms) but the history of headaches, family history of Alzheimer's, recent memory loss and potential personality change makes me think that the problem may be more neurological in nature.

I should stress that I am no way telling you that this is what is happening but based on your description I strongly suggest he be assessed by a Psychiatrist or even his family doctor so that this possibility at least be discounted.

I think your 'gut feeling' on all this is spot on and it certainly sounds like it's time to get him assessed. Do you think you will be able to get him in front of a clinician?

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
that is the big problem i have asked him nicely if he will go to his doctor, but he says there is nothing wrong with him. we have started councelling and i hope she will pick up the things i am saying, i feel that if he dont sort himself out soon something will occur, as i am so worried abot him.

If you're already in couples counseling then that is the place to raise your concerns. If your therapist is any good they will be able to help you handle the situation. Within a couples therapy context the request for an external assessment by one partner for the other will need to acknowledged regardless of whether one is actually required. Your therapist should be able to assist you to communicate to him that you are concerned and that he needs to get an assessment for your sake if not his own.

My sympathies really go out to you, it sounds like it's been a very difficult experience.

Do you have any further questions I can help you with?

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you for all your help, at least i have confirmation, what i already know.april.
You are very welcome and I wish you the best of luck!
Dr John B and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
I hope you've had some luck raising the topic of an assessment for your husband during the counseling sessions. If I can be of further assistance, or if you ever have further questions, please don't hesitate to conatct me directly. You can do this by simply putting "For Dr John B." at the start of any question you post.