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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5809
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Kate: I don't feel like can't help me anymore. I think she

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I don't feel like Linda can't help me anymore. I think she might feel that way. I asked her if I was past the point where I should have let go, and she kind of danced around the issue. She said she felt like we were stuck for a long time because my feelings of guilt were so strong it would always stop there. But she didn't answer my question, which said to me that the answer is yes, then she tells me I should get together with people and pray. Although I know it to be true, it hurts that she is saying "nobody can help you but God.". I still trust her and feel supported but she doesn't know how I need her to support me and I can't tell her because I don't know. I don't know what I need. I don't know what it is I'm "repressing.". It's not like Linda is asking me hard or different things. It's like ever since I had that session when I cried for almost the whole time, I can't pull myself together. During that session I couldn't tell her what I was thinking or feeling, and she asked me about it the next 2 sessions an I just can't answer - for one, because I will burst into tears, and two, I don't really know. I sit there and stare and try not to cry. He asks me questions about what I'm thinking o feeling, and I can't answer. I feel like crying all the time. If I try, I can push it down, but it stays just right below the surface and the minute soneone brings up something serious, it takes everything I have no to cry.
I don't know what to do. If I stop therapy, I'm afraid I wil be stuck feeling like I do now. But if I continue, what you are saying is that it is going to get even more painful? I have no good choice. Neither is what I want. I can't seem to get what I want. I have been trying and working really hard and I am miserable. I can't see a good outcome.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, L :

This is the only way I can get your answer to you. Sorry. The site is not working tonight.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Ok. I am not sure what I need to do. I didn't get an answer. I am assuming I should just wait until the site is fixed?

It sounds like you have gotten to the point that you are in touch with feelings but you are stuck. Crying all the time is ok to do. You have suffered a lot Shay. What you survived was no easy thing and it may take a while to work it through. Crying has been a pivotal thing for you the whole time in therapy. It has been a measure of your progress in the past and now of you feeling that you are stuck. So it means something significant to you. You mentioned trying to push it down so it could be that the crying is a sign of something deeper.

You have tried asking Linda for answers but don't feel that anything is fitting for you now. At this point, it is up to you. What do you feel you need? What do you want from the work you have done with the trauma and where do you want to go with it? It may be that you need to pull away for a while and think this through. Take some time for introspection and see what you come up with. You have been so focused on therapy and working all this through that it may be time to reassess what your goals are. Once you know that, it might be much easier to get back into therapy and sort out the rest.

If you decide to continue therapy, it's not that it will get more painful. It just could be that there is more feelings around what happened that you need to explore. The crying is a sign that there is something strong you are feeling. You are already feeling the pain of it, you may just not be aware of what it is about yet.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
What I want is to feel better. I can't believe how bad I feel. Crying all the time is not okay - I have to work. I have to interact with people. If I take a break from therapy, am I going to be stuck feeling this way? I don't understand what you mean about the crying and something "deeper.". Do you mean that the crying has deep meaning for me or did you mean that there is something deeper that is making me cry? On the one hand, I want to take a break and reassess things. I want to not have to do this anymore - at least for a while. It hurts. But I'm afraid, as I said, that I will be stuck in this state. Also, I'm afraid I will feel worse about myself because I quit/gave up. Also, I will miss spending time with Linda, even though what we do during that time is unpleasant. I like her. Plus, I feel like she is the one person I can be myself with (usually) and who understands more than anyone else. I feel like she feels with me. Sometimes what she feels is not exactly what I am feeling, but maybe it is what I should feel. But maybe that's the problem. Maybe I get more upset there because I know she can see through me. But that wouldn't explain why I had a lot of trouble not crying during my appointments w/ dr m. I don't know if I can hold it together better if I'm not going to therapy all the time and having it constantly shoved in my face (I'm not saying Linda does that - I'm just saying I am well aware why I am there and it hits me as soon as I go there and worse when we get done with the initial small talk) or if I am only holding it together at all because I have that support. I don't know. What am I missing or "repressing" (is that still what you think I'm doing?). I feel like Linda is surprised I still feel so bad, and it makes me feel pathetic. Before I left yesterday, when I stood to go, she asked me how I am able to cope, for instance, after a session when I am obviously so upset. I told her usually it's the evening so I don't have to go back to work and that I just drive around or sit in my car in a parking lot and cry. Do you know how pathetic that makes me feel? That's not me - or wasn't. But that's me now. It's crazy. They are winning. Little by little. I kept thinking "I'm not going to let them win" and was making steps towards that. I was sure of it. Now I don't win no matter what. I feel they're more ahead of me than before. Of course, I'm sure they already think they won a long time ago, so it doesn't really matter. And I guess that's actually the bot***** *****ne. Why does any of this matter to me? Who cares? I got screwed and roughed up by 2 guys 20 years ago. Why does that seem to matter so much to me now? It didn't even matter that much to me when it first happened. Why can't I put it in proper perspective? Am I just obsessed now?I'm sorry. I just am really upset and defeated and don't know what to do. I tried it on my own but I wanted your help. I feel so pathetic, Kate. I want to be strong and tough, but I must be the weakest person on the planet.
Wow, Shay. There is a lot of self judgment in your post. It sounds like you are being very hard on yourself. You are human. You are allowed to cry, scream and throw fits if you need to in order to deal with this. There are no "shoulds" or "can'ts" when it comes to your recovery.

Yes, you do have to work and function in life, at times. And crying is probably not the greatest thing to do at work. During those times, you can go into "work" mode and try to think instead of feel. It can be difficult to do, but you can do it.

I think the crying may have to do with a lot of things. There are a lot of difficult things you put on yourself. You are hard on yourself, feeling pathetic for not being better by now. And you don't want to let the guys "win". They are never going to win no matter what. You have sought help and are working through this. That is winning.

You are also not giving yourself a break. You are caught in a cognitive loop, convinced that if you stop therapy you lose and if you keep going it won't work. These are damaging thoughts that keep you from doing what you need to do for yourself.

Take a deep breath and let go. Let go of the should's and can'ts. Give yourself a break. Over thinking this is only going to hurt you. You have the ability to think through things in a logical and concise manner. You're very good at that. But sometimes that can backfire and interfere with your feelings. This sounds like one of those times. If you can, try shutting off these thoughts for a while. Don't worry about what to do for a while. Just go with the flow. When you start to criticize yourself, say "stop it". Tell yourself that it is ok to feel this way and ok to rely on others. When you start reframing your thoughts and stop being so hard on yourself, the answers will come to you.

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