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KansasTherapist, LSCSW
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 566
Experience:  17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
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What a rollercoaster ride my life has been. I have done so

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What a rollercoaster ride my life has been.
I have done so well. I have been healing and things just don’t get to me anymore. Since then he has been over me and checking up on me. I don’t let the comments get to me anymore, the not calling and not coming home after work. Why? There just is no point. He of course as we spoke was working at his sisters house and now is done. I hate it. I loved my independence of coming home alone and having my own time….
BUT then….this weekend happened and I had a set back. I just need help moving forward again.
The setback was a quincenera his sister had. She had a huge party for her daughters 15th birthday. There was like 150 people who showed up and…one of those people was his sisters best friend. This girl is the one who has been cheating with him and was convinced he was going to leave me for her. It felt so awkward at first but then I let it go because I felt I had not done anything wrong. I felt they crossed lines and they should be the ones to feel stupid not me.
On Friday he came home late and didn’t take my call. The thing is he came home with makeup stains on his hat and then denied what they were. I felt disappointed and hurt for the first time in along time. I had been working so hard on his grandparents house to get it ready and he does this to me as a thank you! ***** was crushed that night which caused anxiety the next day for me. I went ahead and got ready for party. I got there and it was great. A lot of people greeted me and treated me so great. I danced and had great time that night. The only thing was being in the same area with her. She gave him the dirtiest look ever. Earlier that week she had mentioned to his aunt that she had known his sister for 15 years and was excited to be going. I don’t feel betrayed she was invited but on Sunday there was a family get together and we were not invited because she was there. That hurt me a lot. Once again I have done nothing wrong.
I noticed on Saturday night he was texting a lot and yesterday too. I didn’t say a word because it would only cause a fight. He can ready I am down and has been all the sudden rude to me last couple of days. He was talking to me about one of his cousins and said he is a good looking guy. I said yes he is a good looking guy. WOW those little words caused sooooo much drama. He said hes single I will hook you up. I couldn’t believe him I never said anything like that and he went into this direction out of the blue.
At the party she just couldn’t stop staring at me. It was creepy. If I danced she would get up and try to out dance me and on and on. I never have been in this type of a situation with a man before.
How do I get back to where I was? I was doing so good didn’t care and was loving myself. In the blink of an eye I am on a setback and I need to bounce back. What is your thoughts and opinions on everything? Why doesn’t he just leave me to be with her? He didn’t even acknowledge her that night…..
KansasTherapist : Hello
KansasTherapist : I don't know what reasons men have for staying with a woman while constantly cheating on her. It is so destructive to everyone involved. I do think some men have no intention of being faithful in any relationship, and being with a wife or girlfriend keeps other women from thinking it's more than a fling.
KansasTherapist : I think the question you might want to ask yourself is why you're staying with him. What if you told him you don't want him coming around any more, or you moved out to another place.
KansasTherapist : If you're happier without him, it sounds to me like it's time for you to move on.
KansasTherapist and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I have been talking with Kate and she knew the history. I will let you know we are 99.9% sure he is a narsicisst.
If he has a personality disorder there is little chance that he's going to change unless he's willing to do the work it takes. I'm more interested in why you haven't left?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I came into the relationship a strong confident women. I raised very confident strong daughters. I always admired strong women and worked hard to become that. He feed off my confidence and strength. Once he used all the magical words and tactics to land me he started beating me down. He had me thinking I was a horrible person, mother, etc. and had me reevaluating everything in my life. To say the least he broke me down into a needy, unconfident, weak women who relied on my relationship with him for survival. It almost drove me into a true deep depression but I was able to beat it. A friend told me one day Brenda you are dating a narcissit. I started studing and reading about the disorder and sure enough it was like reading my life each and everytime. It took that for me to realize what was happening to me. I have been in recovery and have been building myself back up again. I still find myself trying to make sense out of things that can not have sense made out of them like the message I sent you the other day. I look back at it and say Brenda come on that is the old you and you know better. I keep reaching out to people who help and remind me it is NOT me it is him and his issues.

I guess I am reaching out to understand the disorder so I continue to build the strength to get out. I have made changes that will enable me to break away. We live together and there were alot of finacial things I have had to work on changing.

Thanks for telling me your story. It is hard to break away from someone we have become emotionally and financially dependent on. I have never worked professionally with a narcissist, but my father was a pretty narcissistic person. He was very damaged by his childhood and responded by needing to be the center of attention, valued only his own opinions, and was charming to everyone except my brother and me. I hope your finances improve soon so you can get your own place. Perhaps it would help for you to journal when you're feeling strong so you can go back and read it when you're having a bad day.