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TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3520
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker.
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My husband and I are separated and have been since March

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My husband and I are separated and have been since March 1st. I left because the previous year, I found that he was receiving pornographic videos from a woman he's been saying is a casual friend for years. Plus, we have a $13,000+ lien on the house that he won't explain, the water got turned off, and I was just tired of the lies and irresponsibility. Of course, my family and friends say it's the right thing. My 3 children want to go "home" and I was probably hoping the leave would shake him into reality. Thoughts?
CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

CoachJenK :

By the sound of things it doesnt sound like you leaving has gotten him into reality?

CoachJenK :

You can only do so much if he is unwilling to look at his behavior, explain why things have been the way they are.

CoachJenK :

would he be willing to go to couples counseling and would you?

CoachJenK :

you have been betrayed on several levels and it is hard to recover from that without support.


He says the reason he did that was for attention and I wasn't "handling my business" as his wife. Prior to that he was conversing online with another women in San Francisco. He told her he was divorced and a single parent when he was indeed married. I feel if he is blaming me for his actions there is no hope that he will ever change.

CoachJenK :

that is exactly right...that was my first very strong reaction when reading your above statement.

CoachJenK :

men cheat because of their own issues and not because of you.

CoachJenK :

If he doesnt take responsibility and really look at his behavior then I agree with you, things wont change and the best you can do is focus on you and your healing.

CoachJenK :

i know the kids want something else, but you cannot live in this way and that would not be necessarily the best for the live in that strife.

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