Mental Health

Have Mental Health Questions? Ask a Psychiatrist Online

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Mental Health
This answer was rated:

My husband has a temper and occassionally will throw my

My husband has a...
My husband has a temper and occassionally will throw my things in anger. I left a pair of shoes in the kitchen, and found them thrown in the garage this morning. I know he's upset about his job at the moment so how do I address this? I usually don't say anythin or when I do he just gets mad at me. He's not one to apologize for anything.
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Answered in 22 minutes by:
7/12/2012
Alicia_MSW
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 794
Experience: Specializing in mental health counseling
Verified
Hello,
Thanks for your question. I'm happy to help.
I realize how distressing this can be for you. Based on your message, I am assuming that he doesn't throw things at you. If so, we're dealing with another, bigger problem here, so just let me know if that is the case. If he's just throwing things when you're not around and it's not destructive, (i.e. he's not breaking anything valuable, there are no other people or pets in the line of fire) then it's another.
Unfortunately, a lot of men handle anger and stress this way. Whereas women often gain "relief" from the stress caused by problems with work or relationships by talking about their feelings, many men tend to "act out" their feelings, either by throwing or hitting things, punching walls, etc. Since you say he's under a lot of stress, it's probably only going to add to his stress level if you confront him or accuse him directly about his throwing things. And he's probably not going to react favorably, and he might even become angry or defensive.
You can best handle this in an indirect way, by sitting down with him when he's feeling calm and when you can see that he's in a reasonable mood. Ask him if there's anything on his mind or bothering him that he'd like to talk about. Possibly, he doesn't have anyone to talk about his feelings or experiences with (besides you) and he probably doesn't want to feel like he's bothering you or unloading on you by burdening you with "his" problems. He wants to feel like he can handle things on his own - and this is, again, common for many men. By showing that you support and appreciate him, letting him know that you think he does a good job with certain things, for example, you may help alleviate some of his stress (indirectly) by helping him feel loved and appreciated. Don't force him to talk about his feelings, but just open up the lines of communication just to let him know that you know he's been under a lot of stress and you're there if he needs to talk or vent. You might also suggest going somewhere fun or doing something relaxing together, so that he can let off some steam. I think a combination of these two suggestions will produce the best results. Then you might gently bring up the fact that you know he expresses his anger in his own way, but that you would appreciate it if he wouldn't throw your things. You might even (jokingly, perhaps) suggest getting a punching bag or something that he can take his anger out on constructively.
It's good that you're going for counseling from time to time, and of course it's preferable if you can go on a regular basis, but I realize it's not always possible due to work schedules and so forth. In between sessions with your counselor, it might be a good idea just to sit down together and check in with each other every week for 15 minutes or so, just to make time to "be" together - not necessarily even having to "talk" about issues or problems, but just to have some time to enjoy with each other.
I hope this helps and I wish you luck. Please let me know if you have any further questions.
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 5 years ago

My husband does not throw the items at me, but he is letting me know that he is upset that I didn't put the shoes in the right place by being violent with my shoes. I will try your suggestions. He very much fits the profile of what most guys do. Thanks for your suggestions!

I am glad to hear he's not directing it at you. I think it's simply a consequence of too much stress and no where to go with it. I hope some of the suggestions will be effective. Best of luck and please let me know if you need any more help!
Alicia_MSW
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 794
Experience: Specializing in mental health counseling
Verified
Alicia_MSW and 87 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Ask Alicia_MSW Your Own Question
Alicia_MSW
Alicia_MSW
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 794
794 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Specializing in mental health counseling

Alicia_MSW is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much

Corrie MollPretoria, South Africa

I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well!

ClaudiaAlbuquerque, NM

Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion.

KevinBeaverton, OR

Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
I feel better already! Thank you.

ElanorTracy, CA

Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem.

JulieLockesburg, AR

You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions.

John and StefanieTucson, AZ

I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!!

Janet VPhoenix, AZ

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

Dr. Keane

Dr. Keane

Therapist

1,379 satisfied customers

Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.

TherapistMarryAnn

TherapistMarryAnn

Therapist

3,984 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.

Dr. Olsen

Dr. Olsen

Psychologist

2,336 satisfied customers

PsyD Psychologist

Norman M.

Norman M.

Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA

2,246 satisfied customers

ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.

Dr. Michael

Dr. Michael

Psychologist

2,177 satisfied customers

Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.

Steven Olsen

Steven Olsen

Therapist

1,728 satisfied customers

More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education

Anna

Anna

Mental Health Professional

1,656 satisfied customers

Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.

< Previous | Next >

Related Mental Health Questions
I feel stressed, I don't know if my stress levels are normal
Hello , I feel stressed , I don't know if my stress levels are normal or do I need to seek medical help … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
720 satisfied customers
Can stress in the workplace cause indigestion, stomach upset
Can stress in the workplace cause indigestion, stomach upset and bloating? … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
720 satisfied customers
I have a new job. It's highly stressful and I work hours
I have a new job. It's highly stressful and I work long hours sometimes 15 a day. I'm starting to have what I think are panic stacks. What do I do? … read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
203 satisfied customers
I'm going through a stressful period and would like some
I'm going through a stressful period and would like some relief from stress & pain, … read more
Dr. Thomas, MD
Dr. Thomas, MD
2,227 satisfied customers
I'm writing because I'm in a very stressful upsetting
Hi,I'm writing because I'm in a very stressful upsetting relationship, and I need to make sense of it. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He is an angry guy by nature. I think he's a bit narci… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
720 satisfied customers
I want to stop using cilift 40 mg for post pardom stress
Good day. I want to stop using cilift 40 mg for post pardom stress disorder. Because I think it is the reason for my weight gain. Is it possible for weight gain Thank you… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
723 satisfied customers
I am recently divorced, working a stressful job, have over
I am recently divorced, working a stressful job, have over an hour drive each way to work in rush hour traffic, and worry a lot about things to the point of not having an appetite. I cycle to try to a… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
951 satisfied customers
What can I do to un-stress? I've painted my nails for the
What can I do to un-stress? I've painted my nails for the first time in ages, and my husband has court RIGHT NOW. I am just wishing for his wellness, and ours as a family. It's for him assaulting me, … read more
Dr. Phil, MD
Dr. Phil, MD
Internal Medicine Physician
Doctoral Degree
2,622 satisfied customers
I am stressing out at work because I work for a covert
I am stressing out at work because I work for a covert bully. He is a sociopath. He has made my life hell for two months. I am. Losing sleep and I carry stress in the pit of my stomach. I haven't been… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
167 satisfied customers
OKMH710211 If stress is too high, how do you meditate enough
OKMH710211 If stress is too high, how do you meditate enough to get more than an hour of sleep at a time?… read more
Patience
Patience
Mental Health Therapist
Master\u0027s Degree
116 satisfied customers
I I'm going through extreme stressful situation right now.
I I'm going through extreme stressful situation right now. My doctor prescribed valium to relax me but I have been on Paxil for many years. I get the sleep but wake up all adgitated. Ant ideas?? … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
720 satisfied customers
I was dx with add, ocd tendencies and anxiety 10 years ago.
I was dx with add, ocd tendencies and anxiety 10 years ago. I stopped the adderal.meds bc if the crash they caused. I hear there is a time release that works good but in a new state and need doc tnst … read more
llw26
llw26
Private Practice
Doctoral Degree
11 satisfied customers
I am looking to add supplements to my diet. Specifically
Hi. I am looking to add supplements to my diet. Specifically L-Lipoic Acid, L-Theanine, L-Carnitine, and Cleated Magnesium … read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
203 satisfied customers
I've been under a lot of stress lately, and I'm hearing
I've been under a lot of stress lately, and I'm hearing voices that aren't really voices, they're there. They imply feelings of anger and frustration. And the only thing that comes to mind is "money i… read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
I have some stress because of my older sister Shazmin Lalji
Hi my name is***** have some stress because of my older sister Shazmin Lalji and her family. She always want to compete and it seems she can be skinny sometimes and other times she can be fat sometime… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
720 satisfied customers
My best friend "J" was diagnosed with ADD (or ADHD, I'm not
Hello, my best friend "J" was diagnosed with ADD (or ADHD, I'm not sure the difference), we are in our 40s. But I don't see her having this problem. When she was first diagnosed I just thought, oh it'… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
723 satisfied customers
I used to take Dexedrine for adult ADD the dr thinks I
Hello, I used to take Dexedrine for adult ADD the dr thinks I should go back on it. I have been having trouble running my business and growing my business and getting organized. My son also used to ta… read more
Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark
Doctoral Degree
129 satisfied customers
Im concerned that i may have ADD. It runs in the family with
Hi im concerned that i may have ADD. It runs in the family with my mother, brother and daughter. Can you tell me what assessments are necessary to do please. Im 42 and life is getting out of control w… read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x