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KansasTherapist, LSCSW
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 566
Experience:  17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
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My daughters mother was raped at a age. We are not together

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My daughters mother was raped at a young age. We are not together anymore. I think this may be leading to her being an overly controling parent. She admits to not trusting men and admits to always feel the need to be incontrole.Is this a bad situation for my daughter? I believe it's afecting every part of my daughters life and is afecting our ability to get along as parents. she defenitly acts as more a friend/sister than a mother. Is this a normal condition? And is their any thing i can do to help the situation?
From what you describe, it sounds like your ex has lots of issues as a parent. Some of them are likely caused by her abuse history but there some probably have more to do with how she was raised, the kind of parenting she saw her mother do. It may be she wants to be close to her daughter and available in case the little girl is abused and needs to tell someone. One of the facts that a mother who was abused as a child needs to deal is that her own children are at higher risk. this put her in the position your ex is in. It is fairly common for mothers to be over protective, or the alternative, under protective. What can you do? It is important that you begin with the understanding that your ex is trying to keep your daughter safe. She may not be doing it just right but her motives are good. Because you're a man and she doesn't trust men, you may not be the best person to approach her about it. Is there a female family member you ex has a close relationship with you might be able to ask for some help?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

No Mam,

their is no family member of hers that I can reach out to. Her family is very spread out. I'm Concernded and sadened for her. However I am more worryed about our daughter and what could hapen if this situation progresses. I feer she could go over board. She has already been coaching our daughter who is 3 to say things that make me and my family look bad. BTW We have been in court for 3 years I have extended visitation that she is trying to get back to the standerd order of every other weekend. Is their andt thing i could mention for the court to ask?

You could talk about her mental health difficulties and ask the court for a psychological evaluation. It is fairly common for the court to order that.
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