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Steven Olsen
Steven Olsen, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
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For olsen. i have my drs appt tomorrow. i am getting

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hi for steven olsen.
i have my drs appt tomorrow. i am getting increasingly more concerned at the possibilities of what will happen. i tried not to think about it all weekend long, but now.. i dont know i cant not think about it.
rob has his interview and i totally forgot about it until 10pm last night when i saw him walk by with his resume stuff again. i didnt have his clothes ready or anything which made me feel bad... last week i had all his clothes pressed. he did the trick he does whihc is the clothes are no wrinkle from lands end it works pretty good, but if there are creases he puts them in the dsryer on a un wrinkly cycle so he doesnt iron. anyway he did that and i saw him this am, i hugged and kissed him and squeezed him tight to tell him hell be ok he said thanks honey.
he left and kate and i slept late.
his interview is at 1230. so im going to email him.

Well, Rob might be done with the interview by now, or just finishing up. Let me know about what happened please.

You have a lot on your plate right now and you are tired and overwhelmed. In any case, I am certain Rob can get his interview suit and material together on his own. He knows you love him. And, Lands End stuff looks great and I have done the same thing with the clothes dryer. It always works. Anyway, psychologically speaking, as long as he looks the role they will not care about his suit. Unless he wears the plaid red suit with the paisley tie...then there might be issues.

And, I know you are worried about what will happen tomorrow at the doctors. I will pray for you. I know God will take care of you as you go through this, and I will help you as much as I can with any result. Steven

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
well rob wore his reg business casual which is khakis and a short sleeved dress shirt and no tie. they knew he was coming on his lunch break and if he went in a suit (and had no huge meeting scheduled) that it would arouse suspicion. so the head hunter told them hes coming from work etc... and they said thats fine they understand.
rob did call me when he stopped at burgher king to eat soemthing. i know he took a longer than normal lunch break i hope it doesnt arouse suspicion. anyway he told me the guy was nice and he said he thinks it went well he got a tour of the office and the guy seemed to like that he had soem sort of certification and that hes done embassey work. rob did the german consulates private residence and the actual embassey with his other co. (prior to this co..)

and then they asked him if hes done airports whihc he has as both security and elcetrical engineer.. rob was the security engineer for jfks international terminal. and for laxs international terminal too. so the guy seemed impressed. he was happy since these are similar projects to what this new co is doing. they didnt talk salary, but said they get off every other fri in summers b/c they work so hard in the winter. i said so u use ur vacation time? and rob said no. they give that to you. paid. i said ok. he said the weeks you get the friday go by seniority. so like if theres too many for one set of weeks you do the other. i said yeah its like weekends at the hosp. and he said theres health ins but he doesnt know all the details he would get.. and then he said theres matching co 401k. (rob is super crazy about his 401k. esp since we havent been contributing since this last switch of jobs hes never set it back up. and we did a withdrawal a few times to get over rough spots. like when i wasnt working.

they didnt talk salary. but the guy said he had other interviews and would let him know. to me.. that sounds not good. but i didnt say that to rob. i figure if this doesnt work out.. he can try for con ed. hopefully it wont be 6 months before they settle the contract. the unions back negotiating. only since thur - i dont know if they negotiated thru the weekend.

you know what weird? im not tired. ive been sleeping and the not working. well i feel better. ive gotten more done around the house... its not perfect and i think ill be calling cleaning people anyway, but its better.

tomorrow im going to get my hair hi lighted before the drs appt. the drs appt is at frekaing 5pm. does that suck or is it me?

really it sucks. so my mom said to have rob bring kate like i was working in the am. so i said ok.. i dotn want to sit here all day and wait around. so i made a hair appt. my hair needs to be hi lighted really badly anyway. so if i have babysitting might as well take advantage of it. plus then i wont just sit and worry i hope. ill have the girls at the hair salon to talk to. i wish i could get a pedicure too. i need one. im an animal. theres no manicure services at that stupid salon. in the middle of union square in manhatten and no spa/ manicure services. i was like that sucks coem on already. when im at the salon its like ima prisoner who broke free. i need to do as much as i can. its my only chance before the warden puts me back in my cell.

then again maybe bitches in prison do each other nails? yikes i dotn know. it seems scary to me thats for sure.

i know this is aherad of myself and i dotn know etc. but you know i dotn want to get preg again steve. its hard on me. i dotn get to have these easy preg. so many chicks are like yeah my back or im a little nauseated. but i mean i was really sick with kate. and the last one didnt pan out so well. and now this. and i feel like ive done enough trying. like if this doesnt work out.. like maybe im calling it quits. i didnt tell rob yet. b/c i dotn know if ill stick to that decision, but thats how i feel now. like im tired of going to the ob all the time and its so many preg. and so many procedures done to me. and i feel like.. its enough. i hate the actual "trying" process. its full of dissapointment. and then if i do get preg again.. theres no guarantee ill have that baby.

i really want my thanksgiving / christmas baby though. i think if i have this one i will be done. i know i wanted 3.. but. well its too much. maybe well be able to afford more and itll be easier on us.

It sounds like Rob's interview went very well. Heck. I wasn't there and it sounded impressive.

He really has done some complex and high level jobs. That has to be a good push in his favor. And if they are giving tours, that is one of the best signs. You do not so that with candidates that you feel are less than in the top few percent. I feel that he has an excellent shot at this based on what you have said. And, the Friday being off thing and the 401k sound terrific as well. And, if he does not get it (and I think he will) there is ConEd. But who knows what is going on there. Just because the union is at the table does not mean that there is a resolution in sight. I have high hopes for this job though. It sounds really great, the behavior of the management folks who interviewed him. I think he has a real shot.

Rest is what you needed. I doubt you were aware of how put out you were with all the stress. You needed this rest. I am happy for you that you feel better and have more energy.

I also feel you made a great move with your hair appointment. If you cannot see the doctor until 5pm at least you will have something else to distract you. Please make sure while you are there that you talk about things that have nothing to do with problems. That way your mood will elevate and although the doctor will be in the back of your mind it will not be as bad.

What sane person would want pregnancies that were like the ones you have. We didn't and we went through so much with all three. It is not easy and I get that you want to stop. That makes sense to me. Why suffer if you do not have to, and you have Kate who is wonderful in her own right. So it is not like you do not have any children. You need a break from all of this stuff, and you are so hard on yourself too!

Wait and see what goes on with this pregnancy and then go from there. Too much self imposed pressure is no good either. Yo do not know what will happen and you need to be positive about this pregnancy as well. Yes, I know you are in many ways, but try to not pressure yourself with choices that cannot be made yet.

I do need to let you know that I will have very few minutes with the computer tomorrow as I am out at an all day event. I might be able to drop a line at night, but I will see your responses on email. Let me know what the doctor says. I want to hear, my ability to respond or not. Steven

Steven Olsen and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
hi steve.
so youre out fishing or playing with guns huh? no time for us crazies?

i didnt think it sounded like they were going to call back about the interview b/c he said i have other interviews scheduled or soemthing but ill let you know. so i mean he may get the job, but i think the guys going to explore his other options really. it didnt sound like a shoe in. and this is for a position as senior engineer. not project manager.

he said oh ill work my way up at this co. i said ok. i mean like ik said i hate for him to go backwards as.. he finally has project manager on his resume and once you stop.. its like.. it didnt happen. the interviewer didnt ask why hes applying for senior engineer which i also thought was weird.

i later asked rob about the friday off thing.. he said he does get paid ot.. and they work 9 hr days. which he already works. 8 hrs plus their lunch breaks.. he did that at the other co too. so it seems to be the norm. so i just said ok honey. now we have to see if they offer the job and then SHOW ME THE MONEY

i am already dreading going back to work. next week im to work mon tue wed as sun jen has made plans with all the moms groups to go to a spray park with the kids. so she asked me if she could request me off on the schedule at work so we can go sun. so i agreed to this months ago. i mena i guess we dont have to go, but i said i would. so at this time we are. i still dotn want to coem back to work thats for sure. i know i have to and the return will be a relief in the sense that, ok, im not using fmla and i can stop worrying.

currently im not bleeding and thats the story im sticking to. i was going to ask rob since my appt is 5pm if he could leave work early to coem with me. but i didnt ask. so im sure he wont "surprise' me and come. hes just not like that. although i do wish he would. if he was having my bab y id be there. isnt that weird that a man wouldnt think itd be god to coem see the baby? esp since he knows im having problems so in case.. well the worst was to happen hed be there. but he hasnt really mentioned anything about being worried and he seemed very concerned about his interview. i kind of feel like we are fighting our own struggles right now and cant help each other b/c of it. i mean weve been thru worse.. but he seems focused about this thing with the interview which i told him to just relax, its not like he doesnt have a job and the con ed thing would still work out soemwhere if this doesnt so just take a deep breath.

i have to get ready for my appt. i need to drive to manhatten so i try to leave an hour before the appt. my appt is earlier than i wanted but she was booked for the time i wanted so. i had no choice as i only called yest to come in.

i know kate is wonderful. i just always thought id have more than 1 child. i mean i said to rob once we had her the pressure is off. we have a child. but i know that i dont want kate alone in the world once we die. having a sibling still gives you soemone who knows you froma kid, who went thru the experiences you did. i mean i think that but then again my brother didnt have the same experience i did. my mother was alot more go stephen and oh of course college and school trips and the prom. with me it was like she muddled thru. even my wedding my mom didnt want to come with me to get my dress. i actually cried and said i cant believe you dont want to come with me. my mil said she would take me but my mother ended up coming. i actually dont remember how or why i tall happened. my mil never had a girl and i feel sometimes she acts like that towards me. she used to be nicer to me. since she got cancer, she changed too. shes not as nice as she was.

i know i have to wait and se as im still preg with this child and still may end up having it. its just... ive been having these thoughts like. no matter what - if i have or dotn have this child. do i want to try for another?

have a nice day steve. i am trying to keep my nerves calm and pretend like everythings ok. hopefully there will be some scuttlebutt at the salon and someones husband cheater on her. or someones friend borrowed 2k and bought a 2k cat or something ridiculous like that

as soon as i get home i will let you know what the ob says.

Not sure what it means exactly that the interview person mentioned others. We do that all the time, just for salary negotiating purposes, as we look less desperate that way. And, the way the guy was talking...I think Rob has a very good chance.

Who on earth really wants to return to a job like yours? You have nothing but stress to look forward to, and with a bunch of people who are for the most part okay; but then there are those who are not too wonderful either. I mean it is good that yo can save on FMLA, but still...I would not worry to much about your lack of desire to go to work. It seems pretty darn normal if you ask me.

Rob and you both have similar concerns, and different ones. You are right. He would be one heck of a guy if he was there for you at this appointment, and he still may...but even if not I do get why. You both are really involved in some life changing and stressful events. I am sure that once things settle down in his life that he will be more available.

Kate is terrific. But it would be nice if she had a sibling. There is good and bad on both ends of that, but you are also right. It is no guarantee that having a sibling for Kate would mean that they get along. Many of the sibling relationships that exist are anything but amiable. I never had one and I liked it. It really depends on the person I think. But mom, she should definitely have been there more for you. Not coming to pick out your wedding dress? What the heck is that about?True, she showed up, but it was like breaking her arm or something; that does not make you feel good, feeling like it was forced.

Just know that no matter who treats you, good or bad, their actions do nothing to change you, Liz. You were made with purpose and despite how others treat you, a diamond is still a diamond.

Let me know what the ob said...Steven

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
hi steven, i just got home. were having a boy.
the specialist said theres his pee pee. and i was like what? the babys peeing? and he said no his pee pee is there. that is my hugest pet peeve. i said you mean his penis? he said yes its a boy.

so he couldnt measure the babys heart from the way he was laying. he said he didnt get good color flow and the baby wasnt changing position. so i have to go back in 2 weeks.

also theres fluid around the left kidney. and thats a marker for downs syndrome. he said i have no other markers, so the babys ok, but he wanted to let me know.

i felt like saying you know like... f**k how many things are wrong?

he said he sees the clot, hes not concerned about the clot and its not going to hurt the baby. hes concerned why did i get this clot? and will it happen again spontaneously? he said no intercourse but i can do what i want to do. i said cna i work? he said what do you do? i said im an er nurse. he said oh. and he loosened up a little, he said yes., but dr k has to clear you im the consult. i knew he was going to say that.

and i tried really hard to not tell him what i do so he would say yes go back to work. he asked where i work etc and i told him and he said you come all the way from there? i said well i live in nassau and hes been my dr for 10 yrs, so id rather just coem see him. and i like the girls here at this office. so he said oh thats nice.

so he wants to see me in 2 weeks. he told me i should really start feeling the baby move in the next few days.

i dotn know if i should be concerned about the downs syndrome marker.

im basically calling ym ob and saying hey dr n said i can go back to work, ok? bye.

on the other hand i went to my parents right after the appt b/c rob shud be coming soon and i wanted to tell him. so i got there about 10 min before he shud and told them and my mother was very upset about thw downs syndrome thing./ she said how long are they going to let you be preg and not f**king tell you anything? you go to the dr constantly and they keep saying they dotn know theyre not sure and it could be. i said mom he said it sonly one marker, and i dont have any others and this will resolve and i shouldnt worry. she said well why do they have tot ell you at all?

i said b/c he does a head to tow of the baby. so he showed me the babys brain, the babys spoinal cord, its face, heres both hands, here its feet, here the pelvis kidneys, penis etc. i told her i have a right to know its my baby. she said these drs dotn give a shit about womens mental health. what if you have to terminate it? i said he didnt say that mom. so my dad was at first upset but when i told her the drs need to tell em everything and the drs not concerned he teared up when he heard its a boy. and then he said good for rob he has his boy.

so were waiting for rob and imr egretting i went there. kate was playing and being fine. and then rob called. said where r u ? i said at my parents. waiting for you. i said where r u? he said im at the lirr station at wantagh

i said what? my mothers at my end and took a deep bretah. she goes oh poor rob. so she runs and tellls my dad. so i sad well i have 2 cars here. the minvan is in queens and i drovbe the crv to do what i was doing. so he sayd i guess i can wlak home. i said just take a cab theres cabs there. so he did. i packed up kate and drove home. kate thru a hissy fit b/c wheres daddy? i told her were going home to him but kat eknws he comes to my parents and i guess she didnt believe me? i finally calmed her (my father was upset and said you cant leave with her like that. i said what can i do but she did calm down) and my mom said oh poor little kate daddy forgot you. so now the crv is stuck in queens. robs going to go get it on the way home tomorrow. i hope it doesnt get hit or broken inot. or that he forgets.

meanwhile rob never even asked how the baby is or anything. so i didnt offer anything.

i mean i dont know how your main concern is that you took the wrong train and now youre on long island.

i called my mil and told her how the baby was and kind of complained about rob. that the car is stuck in queens and he didnt ask and everyone knows its a boy but him now. so she said just leave him alone. i said oh i am. im not saying anything, and im not offering any info.

so i got home in good time and robs asking what shud we do about dinner? i said i dotn know. i mean steve, do i give a shit at this point?

shud i start cooking? i mean no. so he says ill get mc donalds. i say fine. so i start undressing and he comes over and asks about the baby. so i said oh i didnt think youd ask. so he says well you said you wanted to go to dinner so i didnt think it was that bad. i figured everything was ok.

and what kill sme steve, i just got happy when i heard its a boy. im not saying i wouldnt be happy either way. its just like, ok i know. and i saw the baby again and he didnt seem too active. i asked is he sleeping and the dr said no. i guess he would know. kat eat this appt - rob came to hers - and she threw a full on temper tantrum. she wouldnt turn over and the dr kept messing with her and she kicked her little legs like a 2 yr old has a temper tantrum. and she was kicking my bladder full force. and the obs like omg, shes throwing a fit. and i said omg my bladder. and rob said omg its so cute. look at her little feet. and we finally turned her over and there it was. a girl. and it seemed like everything was smoother with kate. nothing wrong with anytthing. i felt like crap, but i didnt have one extra appt, nothing. and she had congenital hip dysplasia. so it makes me worry, like.. they didnt find that. what could they not be finding on this baby?

what if theyre wrong and.. it is a downs syndrome baby? esp a boy. i want a boy but i feel like.. they have more defects and die of sids more and are more likely autistic.. and.. well if a boy is normal great, b ut. not.. well scary.

and rob not coming to queens and the whole thing. i just felt deflated.

i wish i didnt but i do. rob said he wa shappy once i told him about it being a boy, and said now well have one of each and have the full parenting experience. i said yeah i guess. rob left ot get mc donalds.. and i called my dad as im supposed to. to let him know im home. and i said i told rob and he said hes happy and my dad said good robs going to have his boy. good for rob. i almost did the bark or whatever guys call it when ***** ***** does the tool time bark from home improvement. i said well rob said hes happy either way, and my dad said yeah well robs like that. i said yeah if it was 2 girls hed really have his hands full. since theyd both be his girls. so he said yeah true.

i guess its important to my dad that theres a boy? or that he himself had a boy? a macho thing? i was surprised b/c my mom tells the story and my dad doesnt exactly disagree that he didnt want anymore children after me. he says he did. but he was afraid for my mother. the dr came out and told my dad that we were both going to die. and my dad told the dr he was going to die if we both didnt come out of there. apparently it was good motivation as he finally c sectioned my mom and were both alive.

my dad you see that door? theres only one way out of that room and you wont be getting past me... then they called security. my dad said the other fathers were on his side as there was 'the fathers waiting room' and they told the security guards what a jerk the dr was. so they let him stay. (to kill the dr if necessary?)

anyway, when i came home i saw a black suv across the street and it pulled away as soon as i got out of the minivan. that made me feel a little suspicious and worried, but i told peter i wasnt on bedrest.. just restrictions for this last week. rob said it sounds like a coincidence. i havent filled out any disability forms, and hr hasnt sent me anything. they said they would once peter notified them. im hoping, praying actually that peter didnt notify them and its not being counted against my fmla. if i had know they were going to do this.. well i woulnt have called hr. i wasnt going to until the lady in the er administration was like call hr so youre not in trouble etc. and like a jerk i did.

anyway if they never send me anything i will not call cuz then ill be like i didnt use my fmla. hopefully they wont even catch it. i had an excuse for being out today, i mean i went to the dr, but i left early and i wasnt here. so who knows how long they were watching if they were.

meanwhile my lawyer called right before im supposed to get my haircut and scared me to death she was spekaing so fast and i could barely hear her.. she said how r u? i said im ok, how r u? she said you shud be fabulous honey. i said yeah i am, she said is this a bad time, i told her i was sitting down to get a haircut could i call her back at 4pm? she said yes. so i finished and worried the whole time while getting my hair cut and styled... i called her and she sai she wondered if i could do her a personal favor? i said yes. tell me. i said are you ok? since she had been recently sick.. she said yes im ok sweetie, and then explained she setting upa website and she wanted to know if i would do a testomonial with only my 1st name and saying how great she is. and i said no problem give me afew days to work on it. she i guess stroked my ego and said that i was smart for calling her right away and how b/c of that it was alot easier for her to do her job and i didnt take shit from anyone etc. i said yeah i shouldve called you when i 1st ewas being harassed really. so now i have to think up a good blurb for her..

i did tell her that if any other shit goes down.. well im calling her before the bodys cold and she said the sooner you call me the faster i can stop the damage and get it under control. i knew exactly what she meant, she meant shed be able to coach us what to say and what to write to "fix" it. but she laughed at me saying that. and its true. she told me she defends mds too and i said ok if they ever need soemone ill let them know.

i hope i dont need her to defend me against this black suv.

my hair did come out nice and i def did need it done.

youre an only child? really? although youve never mentioned a sibling....

carolyn at the drs office who was so nice and motherly hugged and kissed me when i told her im having a boy. she said omg its great. i have 5 boys. i said you do? she said yeah soem of them you run around more than others. cuz i said to her i cant believe how many appts im having. the she gave me hello kitty stickers for kate. and she said soem of the kids you have to really work for it. but then she told me i looked beautiful and im glowing.

sigh. i wish i could adopt carolyn to be my mom.

it just makes me sad. and realize how much im missing out on.


Hey, how about that, a boy! Congratulations!.

Well, you certainly seemed like this one was a boy based on your physical reactions and all. But even you suspected that he was a boy, very early on. And, please do not take too much to heart the Downs Syndrome single marker. They have to tell you this stuff for legal reasons. A while ago I had a conversation with an OB oriented statistician. The risk with one marker, especially a sonogram one, is about the same as having a driver lose control and hit you, a pedestrian, walking on the street in any one day. (and not in NY either) It is not high; and I have also heard, and experienced firsthand, the stupidity of these tests and what a single marker really means...nothing. My kid is a freaking genius and she had markers too. Truth is with technology they see everything, yet do not know absolute baselines for individual pregnancies. It is not possible for them to do so with all the variability that is out there. And that is the truth.

And look. The clot is not serious and you will be cleared to go back to work. You needed the break. You got one, and all the worry about losing your job and all did not come true, as the worst things also did not with the licensing thing. Relax. Your family has you conditioned to worry about everything, and look at the reaction your mother has. She panics and worries. That, seen as an adult is hard enough. Can you imagine the impact on you as a child? And you wonder why it is so hard for you to feel free and at ease. Nice comment your mother gave to kate about daddy forgetting her. That is just so helpful for easing a child's worries. And again, if you see this in her now, no wonder you feel your life is so doom and gloom sometimes. You have had it shoved into your head, constantly.

Ah Rob...missed the entire point on this one he did. The issue here is you and the baby not a messed up train stop. Really. I hate to say it as I am one of them, but men can be so blasted self absorbed at times. The way we think, it is like whatever problem is before us is the only problem and the rest of it fades away, quickly. He should be in hot water over not asking, at least a bit and I love his mother's reaction of defending him and ignoring the fact that he is being oblivious. And, btw: Men think they want boys and they run out to buy bats and gloves. But until they are six and up, they are mom's baby. Big time. And, many men get the experience of feeling rejected far more with a boy than a girl. So, not to deflate this either...this will be your little one far more in the beginning than Rob's, and there is just something about that mother-son bond that goes beyond the usual of a daughter.

For your own sanity: Try not to compare your pregnancies with each other. They are totally different and just because they did not see Kate's hip issue on the sonogram does not mean that there is anything wrong with this child. That is your mother channeling her stuff through you. The baby is fine and what they saw was good, not bad. Each baby is different. Some are crazy in utero and others, subtle as a clam. They offset each other. So, if Kate is the wild woman...this one will not be so active. It is not scientific, at all, but I have found it to be true.

Your dad is sweet. He fights for you, and I am glad to see that one of your parents gave you something more than anxiety attacks as a legacy. At least you know he was there at the very start of you, and beyond.

I am sure the hospital has more disturbing issues on their plate than using resources to track you at home. Plus it was right and fair and a good idea to tell HR about your situation. This too will work out.

See, your attorney, the one you did not think even liked you is calling you to get a testimonial. What does that say? See...things are not sometimes bad, as you often see them. This call, though frightening was a complement to you and the way you handled things.

Well, I wasn't supposed to be an only, but my mother lost the pregnancy and as my father was ill at that time with cancer, they chose not to try again. It was the right choice for them and I gained much from being an only in terms of helping shape this career. All things work out and God knew what was going on in my family too. As is the case with yours.

Carolyn is right. The pregnancies that are harder seem better in outcome later. I mean all kids are precious, but these ones, there is just something about them. (I said to my wife, who had a couple of tough pregnancies..a quality product comes at a price.)

Yes, it would be great if you had a better acting mom. But I would be happy if you could start to see what she is, and how that is not you and how much she influences you and how you can see that, and move away from it. For her legacy with you is worry and catastrophe. And in truth, your life turns out pretty well despite the challenges. Steven