hi steven, i just got home. were having a boy.
the specialist said theres his pee pee. and i was like what? the babys peeing? and he said no his pee pee is there. that is my hugest pet peeve. i said you mean his penis? he said yes its a boy.
so he couldnt measure the babys heart from the way he was laying. he said he didnt get good color flow and the baby wasnt changing position. so i have to go back in 2 weeks.
also theres fluid around the left kidney. and thats a marker for downs syndrome. he said i have no other markers, so the babys ok, but he wanted to let me know.
i felt like saying you know like... f**k how many things are wrong?
he said he sees the clot, hes not concerned about the clot and its not going to hurt the baby. hes concerned why did i get this clot? and will it happen again spontaneously? he said no intercourse but i can do what i want to do. i said cna i work? he said what do you do? i said im an er nurse. he said oh. and he loosened up a little, he said yes., but dr k has to clear you im the consult. i knew he was going to say that.
and i tried really hard to not tell him what i do so he would say yes go back to work. he asked where i work etc and i told him and he said you come all the way from there? i said well i live in nassau and hes been my dr for 10 yrs, so id rather just coem see him. and i like the girls here at this office. so he said oh thats nice.
so he wants to see me in 2 weeks. he told me i should really start feeling the baby move in the next few days.
i dotn know if i should be concerned about the downs syndrome marker.
im basically calling ym ob and saying hey dr n said i can go back to work, ok? bye.
on the other hand i went to my parents right after the appt b/c rob shud be coming soon and i wanted to tell him. so i got there about 10 min before he shud and told them and my mother was very upset about thw downs syndrome thing./ she said how long are they going to let you be preg and not f**king tell you anything? you go to the dr constantly and they keep saying they dotn know theyre not sure and it could be. i said mom he said it sonly one marker, and i dont have any others and this will resolve and i shouldnt worry. she said well why do they have tot ell you at all?
i said b/c he does a head to tow of the baby. so he showed me the babys brain, the babys spoinal cord, its face, heres both hands, here its feet, here the pelvis kidneys, penis etc. i told her i have a right to know its my baby. she said these drs dotn give a shit about womens mental health. what if you have to terminate it? i said he didnt say that mom. so my dad was at first upset but when i told her the drs need to tell em everything and the drs not concerned he teared up when he heard its a boy. and then he said good for rob he has his boy.
so were waiting for rob and imr egretting i went there. kate was playing and being fine. and then rob called. said where r u ? i said at my parents. waiting for you. i said where r u? he said im at the lirr station at wantagh
i said what? my mothers at my end and took a deep bretah. she goes oh poor rob. so she runs and tellls my dad. so i sad well i have 2 cars here. the minvan is in queens and i drovbe the crv to do what i was doing. so he sayd i guess i can wlak home. i said just take a cab theres cabs there. so he did. i packed up kate and drove home. kate thru a hissy fit b/c wheres daddy? i told her were going home to him but kat eknws he comes to my parents and i guess she didnt believe me? i finally calmed her (my father was upset and said you cant leave with her like that. i said what can i do but she did calm down) and my mom said oh poor little kate daddy forgot you. so now the crv is stuck in queens. robs going to go get it on the way home tomorrow. i hope it doesnt get hit or broken inot. or that he forgets.
meanwhile rob never even asked how the baby is or anything. so i didnt offer anything.
i mean i dont know how your main concern is that you took the wrong train and now youre on long island.
i called my mil and told her how the baby was and kind of complained about rob. that the car is stuck in queens and he didnt ask and everyone knows its a boy but him now. so she said just leave him alone. i said oh i am. im not saying anything, and im not offering any info.
so i got home in good time and robs asking what shud we do about dinner? i said i dotn know. i mean steve, do i give a shit at this point?
shud i start cooking? i mean no. so he says ill get mc donalds. i say fine. so i start undressing and he comes over and asks about the baby. so i said oh i didnt think youd ask. so he says well you said you wanted to go to dinner so i didnt think it was that bad. i figured everything was ok.
and what kill sme steve, i just got happy when i heard its a boy. im not saying i wouldnt be happy either way. its just like, ok i know. and i saw the baby again and he didnt seem too active. i asked is he sleeping and the dr said no. i guess he would know. kat eat this appt - rob came to hers - and she threw a full on temper tantrum. she wouldnt turn over and the dr kept messing with her and she kicked her little legs like a 2 yr old has a temper tantrum. and she was kicking my bladder full force. and the obs like omg, shes throwing a fit. and i said omg my bladder. and rob said omg its so cute. look at her little feet. and we finally turned her over and there it was. a girl. and it seemed like everything was smoother with kate. nothing wrong with anytthing. i felt like crap, but i didnt have one extra appt, nothing. and she had congenital hip dysplasia. so it makes me worry, like.. they didnt find that. what could they not be finding on this baby?
what if theyre wrong and.. it is a downs syndrome baby? esp a boy. i want a boy but i feel like.. they have more defects and die of sids more and are more likely autistic.. and.. well if a boy is normal great, b ut. not.. well scary.
and rob not coming to queens and the whole thing. i just felt deflated.
i wish i didnt but i do. rob said he wa shappy once i told him about it being a boy, and said now well have one of each and have the full parenting experience. i said yeah i guess. rob left ot get mc donalds.. and i called my dad as im supposed to. to let him know im home. and i said i told rob and he said hes happy and my dad said good robs going to have his boy. good for rob. i almost did the bark or whatever guys call it when ***** ***** does the tool time bark from home improvement. i said well rob said hes happy either way, and my dad said yeah well robs like that. i said yeah if it was 2 girls hed really have his hands full. since theyd both be his girls. so he said yeah true.
i guess its important to my dad that theres a boy? or that he himself had a boy? a macho thing? i was surprised b/c my mom tells the story and my dad doesnt exactly disagree that he didnt want anymore children after me. he says he did. but he was afraid for my mother. the dr came out and told my dad that we were both going to die. and my dad told the dr he was going to die if we both didnt come out of there. apparently it was good motivation as he finally c sectioned my mom and were both alive.
my dad you see that door? theres only one way out of that room and you wont be getting past me... then they called security. my dad said the other fathers were on his side as there was 'the fathers waiting room' and they told the security guards what a jerk the dr was. so they let him stay. (to kill the dr if necessary?)
anyway, when i came home i saw a black suv across the street and it pulled away as soon as i got out of the minivan. that made me feel a little suspicious and worried, but i told peter i wasnt on bedrest.. just restrictions for this last week. rob said it sounds like a coincidence. i havent filled out any disability forms, and hr hasnt sent me anything. they said they would once peter notified them. im hoping, praying actually that peter didnt notify them and its not being counted against my fmla. if i had know they were going to do this.. well i woulnt have called hr. i wasnt going to until the lady in the er administration was like call hr so youre not in trouble etc. and like a jerk i did.
anyway if they never send me anything i will not call cuz then ill be like i didnt use my fmla. hopefully they wont even catch it. i had an excuse for being out today, i mean i went to the dr, but i left early and i wasnt here. so who knows how long they were watching if they were.
meanwhile my lawyer called right before im supposed to get my haircut and scared me to death she was spekaing so fast and i could barely hear her.. she said how r u? i said im ok, how r u? she said you shud be fabulous honey. i said yeah i am, she said is this a bad time, i told her i was sitting down to get a haircut could i call her back at 4pm? she said yes. so i finished and worried the whole time while getting my hair cut and styled... i called her and she sai she wondered if i could do her a personal favor? i said yes. tell me. i said are you ok? since she had been recently sick.. she said yes im ok sweetie, and then explained she setting upa website and she wanted to know if i would do a testomonial with only my 1st name and saying how great she is. and i said no problem give me afew days to work on it. she i guess stroked my ego and said that i was smart for calling her right away and how b/c of that it was alot easier for her to do her job and i didnt take shit from anyone etc. i said yeah i shouldve called you when i 1st ewas being harassed really. so now i have to think up a good blurb for her..
i did tell her that if any other shit goes down.. well im calling her before the bodys cold and she said the sooner you call me the faster i can stop the damage and get it under control. i knew exactly what she meant, she meant shed be able to coach us what to say and what to write to "fix" it. but she laughed at me saying that. and its true. she told me she defends mds too and i said ok if they ever need soemone ill let them know.
i hope i dont need her to defend me against this black suv.
my hair did come out nice and i def did need it done.
youre an only child? really? although youve never mentioned a sibling....
carolyn at the drs office who was so nice and motherly hugged and kissed me when i told her im having a boy. she said omg its great. i have 5 boys. i said you do? she said yeah soem of them you run around more than others. cuz i said to her i cant believe how many appts im having. the she gave me hello kitty stickers for kate. and she said soem of the kids you have to really work for it. but then she told me i looked beautiful and im glowing.
sigh. i wish i could adopt carolyn to be my mom.
it just makes me sad. and realize how much im missing out on.