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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5807
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Hi there!

I can't see you anymore :(

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Oh, I'm here! have posted on the last thread
. How are you?

Hi Kate,

thanks for your post. I hope we catch each other today :)

Last afternoon I went to meet Ziggy, she is lovely, as all you caring helpful people are (she’s a therapist too). We met at the offices, had a room to talk in. There was a lovely painting with 2 butterflies above her head which I kept glancing at as we talked. I think I did good, not VERY many words, but not too stuck either, better than I expected, she said I did well . K had written briefly to her, and I had emailed a couple of times, so she had a bit of background which I was glad of. We had an hour and 20, and generally talked about the situation, the kids, my options. She told me about refuges and safe houses, and what can happen with pets if I need to move somewhere that won't take pets, and she told me about panic alarms that can be installed in my house somewhere (she said on the phone?), so that is good to know. She also told me not to hesitate calling the out of hours helpline, even if I just want to hear someone's voice. And she was going to find out if there was someone who could fit a proper lock to my bedroom door. Even Sam said last night that everyone, especially in their own home, needs somewhere they can get away to for peace and privacy. She said I can email her if I need, and we will meet next week, maybe weekly, see how we get on. She gave me a lovely hug before I left. I feel very happy to have her.

He had a call from his GP last evening, he wasn’t home (6.30). He (GP) asked for him to call him back next week. I expect he has heard from the hospital, diabetes consultant, about him stopping his insulin etc. Did I tell you that? I didn't know until he came home from his appointment and I asked how it went. He told me he'd just stopped taking his insulin a month or so before. He needs to have some blood and urine tests. I hope Dr H has also spoken with him (D's GP) about what I wrote to her this week.

I told D when he came in and he was not happy, he HATES this Dr, though has never met him in his surgery, only knows about him through the GP’s neighbours(not good to know people, makes things tricky, he had kids at the same primary school as Poppy went to.) So we’ll see what happens there,could be interesting, more fireworks, but they’ll get the feel of him anyway. K mentioned his intense dislike of 'people with power' as being a symptom of a sociopath. I looked it up last night and there are many points that fit him. How does someone get diagnosed with a personality disorder, surely it's almost impossible with someone like D who will be totally different to someone to cover up. The children and I are the only ones who can tick or cross the boxes!

He left me alone last night after going off about his 'new 'GP. I didn't need to talk to him again. I took Poppy to her bf's, then went to bed, D playing reggae at full volume, drum bass beating through the floor, but I didn't complain. It stopped after a while. Today and this evening he is out at another festival, followed by a gig somewhere. Dad wants me to stay with them if I know he will come back drunk, I don't really want to, but I know i must keep safe. Ziggy said for me to pack a bag. I will, tomorrow.

I've just remembered I haven't told you D's 'profit' for the last financial year. He cleared a profit of £1590 (taking account of phone, some bills, etc) but not including the bills mentioned, £3577. I have been able to claim Working Tax Credit this coming year as a single person (spoke to them today), I think I will ask them if I will be better off claiming as a single person for last year too, as he has not contributed at all. Can but try.

I'm glad to hear your kids are occupied with cousins, it does make it fun doesn't it. I hope you have a big car to carry them all around in! And I hope you will have plenty of time off too. We STILL have rain every day, it's such a bore. Poppy still has another week of school, then I was hoping for a few days away, but still nothing planned. Sam is just hanging out, working a little, driving, has his test on Wednesday, then I'll have to get him a car organised (D has made no attempt). He is still using cannabis, I've had to let it lie for the moment. We saw his psychiatrist about his ADHD meds yesterday am, she asked if we thought they were helping. I said he definitely has been able to concentrate better studying for his exams. In the car on the way home he said that he feels it's the cannabis that is helping him to focus. Is that a possibility?

A quick rest before taking Sam to work. I may have to go off to pick up Poppy, but I am hoping to meet K on Second Life on the desktop now I have internet sorted out, AND D isn't home- yippee! I think my Pearl sub has died a death :(

Til later (new thread if you want to transfer over)

H Rose

Ok I have this over and I'm working on a response. So how are things today?


Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Quiet today, but he has just come home from a festival and gone straight to be so he can go out again in an hour and half. At least he's sober at the moment and he didn't stop to talk, just asked me to wake him up in an hour bc he can't be bothered with an alarm.

But I am exhausted, was hoping for a restful afternoon after a poor night's sleep. I had quite a bit of muscle twitching last night, which kept me awake. I divided my Cymbalta dose 60 am 30 at tea, them mirtazapine at bed, but think maybe the cymbalta should all be am, unless I go back to 60. I was hoping an increase would help me cope both mentally and physically, esp when I'm very stressed. So I'm resting now, a few more mins then take Sam to work. I'm not cooking tonight, no desire, Sam has sorted himself, D will have to too if he wants to eat. I expect he's had something at the festival anyway.

Back soon

H Rose
I am so glad to hear that the appointment went so well with Ziggy. She sounds very nice and helpful. It's good to know you have someone there who is helping you set up safety options in case Dave goes off again. And a suitcase packed for you and the kids is also a good idea. As the divorce progresses, the likelihood of him going off again is very high.

I did not know Dave stopped his insulin. That can be dangerous! It's too bad he has such a dislike of anyone who is an authority. They could help him so much.
Dave can have traits of a personality disorder and not actually have that disorder. All you need to diagnose is the DSM 4 which has all the criteria for personality disorders. It will tell you that you have to have a certain number of the symptoms in order to have the disorder. Here is a link:

Just look under personality disorders on the left column. If you have questions, let me know. I'd be glad to help you figure it out.

I knew that Dave did not contribute much to your household income last year but that sounds like so little! So basically, you really do not need his income at all, considering that most of it went to his own wants and needs and not into the house expenses. Wow, H Rose, that is a big burden on you. He basically makes what a teenager makes working a part time job and not contributing at all.

The cannabis is probably dampening Sam's feelings so he feels he can concentrate better. But that is bad in two ways- one the drug is changing his brain chemicals and two, he is avoiding his feelings so he never learns to cope with them. Drugs are not an answer, they only hurt in the long run.

Yes, there is much to and fro going on in my home these past weeks. The kids home from school, colds and cousins all mixed up. My head is spinning a bit but it is all good. I may collapse when they go back to school though! :)

I hope your day goes well and Dave keeps to himself. I'll check back in a bit to see if you posted.

TherapistMarryAnn and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thanks Kate,

I'll check out the dsm. I was wondering how Drs can decide what personality disorder someone might have if they don't display the symptoms with the Dr, or lie, or don't believe they are that way, and that maybe the only people who know what he's really like are me and the kids- and it's confidential.....

D didn't contribute at all last year. In fact I was keeping his accounts afloat from my end, and I paid his tax bill (had to borrow credit). I tell him these things, but he really doesn't care at all. We would have definitely been better off without him last year. I was kind of glad in a way that it was so dreadful and he didn't care, it helped me to make my mind up. This year (since April) has been a little better, I'm glad I decided to ask him for a weekly amount, but his banks are very badly off, several bills to pay, but he will have to deal.

Brrrr, it's freezing this evening, 55f and dropping. The kitchen floor is wet and muddy, Lola still wants to play what ever the weather. K says the drought will soon break and they will have monsoons (she is cheering!)

Oops, better wake up D so he can go out again

H Rose

Doctors are not really qualified to make a mental health diagnosis. They have only a few classes, if any, in psychology and that is not enough to know how to do a full evaluation of a person. That is why it is always a better idea to have the person see a psychiatrist or a therapist, so someone like Dave could not easily hide what he is like, though he won't go. It is much harder to put on a front with a therapist during a full evaluation than with a doctor who is addressing physical concerns at the same time, all within a 15 minute time frame.

I agree, it is good that Dave handled his finances the way he did. It does make it a lot clearer for you. And it shows that you could definitely make it on your own.

Can I please come to be where you are? I just checked our thermometer and it's 100.6 degrees here, full sun, no rain. The front is coming in tonight (I really hope!) and should cool things off to a balmy 85. Winter can't come fast enough!

Talk to you soon,

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
come on up and share the rain!, but bring a little sunshine with you please! 100+, that is mighty hot, we do get there, but very rarely. But 85 still sounds pretty hot, we might not even get there this summer (we did back in April, it's so weird) Sam's psychiatrist has flown to Cape Cod today (is that your way), and a friend is off to Houston soon, I've no idea where that is.

I didn't think a GP could make a DSM diagnosis, I guess a psych or therapist would have an hour or so to sus someone out. I'm sure we won't get that far- but I wish.

I, er, I've been a bad mummy, but just had to know. Now I know I don't know what to do with the knowing- that Poppy has been taking the pill since the start of her last period. I will dwell for a while. Oh dear :( She's just got back with her bf.

I'm going to give Second Life a go now, I've almost forgotten what to do on it. Last time I forgot my password!

Back later.

H Rose

Cape Cod is in the very North Eastern part of the US. And Houston is in the middle bottom of the US in Texas. Very hot there too!

I agree with you about Poppy. That is a concern. Have you talked to her about it yet?

Let me know how the Second Life experience goes.


Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Hi Kate,

the DSM IV is very interesting- Kitty has the latest tome on her bookshelf and I have a dip when I have nowt else to do. But it's much easier online! More tomorrow, so thank you for the link.

Second Life was great on a faster computer, no lag, quick rezzing (whatever that means- it's when the picture becomes visible) K didn't show for nearly 2 hours- she'd fallen asleep, not feeling too well, but we had 2 lots of half hours, broken up by having to pick Sam up from work. She says her therapy group on SL isn't really working, but it's good to meet her any way. I heard the thunder storm that she was having, cool!

I haven't had a chance to speak with Poppy yet bc her bf is here. Tomorrow, maybe. Oh boy, this will be so hard. I can't help the thoughts, I don't like them.

D will be home tomorrow I guess, I've been spoilt today. I expect it'll be raining again, so he'll be in the house. No mention of anything today, but we've only passed each other by really, but I did iron his shirt before I went to AA's this morning.

Best sleep. Goodnight Kate, hope your bigger bunch are not getting up to mischief!

H Rose

I hope you slept very well last night. Sorry I didn't get back to you. Busy night!

Let me know what comes of the DSM diagnosis and with Poppy. That will be a difficult conversation but I have no doubt that you will do well with her. You are a great mom.

I'm off to church so I'll try to be back on soon. Hopefully today we can talk some more.


Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Hi Kate,

thank you, good to hear from you whenever. Hope church was good, I wish I had gone myself, but I am feeling very rubbishy today and have no get up and go.

Poppy is with her bf again, I will pick her up soon, but Sam will be in the car. I don't think I can face the conversation today, I just want to go to bed as soon as I can.

The DSM only gives 3 Personality disorders, I thought there were many. Well, D fits the anti-social PD pretty well, and of course narcissist.

I'll come back in a while. I have thought about you all afternoon, but have had no push to write, I seem to be on a downer.

Talk later

H Rose
I will head over to the new thread to respond...