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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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For Kate..........

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For Kate..........

Got it! Talk to you soon.


Hey Kate,

thank you. Chaos, that's what my mind was, trying to sleep, I wrote this...(I’m tying to sleep, I can’t, he’s in my head kicking my thoughts in, bending them with every kick, my fusebox confused, in darkness, I can’t see him, but I can hear him, I know he’s there, kick kick, but I am dumb, words turned off, dead, I let him do it, too tired to fight)

this is the other post I wrote that wouldn't go through yesterday and I tried to paste it in the question box above last night, but it was too long. Do you want to take it over to my new thread? I'm going to get an early night tonight, I've had a full on day and can barely function now, I'll tell you about it tomorrow. Playing catch up here, but I've been desperate to get to write to you and now I can't :(

Anyway, here is yesterday's......actually I'm talking about Wed. I've missed a day, lost Thursday- Oh I saw Adele. I can't keep up. I've just read it again, you've had some of this post already, I've just added a bit more detail, I know you wanted to respond, but i wanted to start another thread on Pearl. Don't know what's happened there- short lived.

I've had a productive day, had an phone appointment with the Citizen’s Advice Bureau, I contacted them last week, it was pre-arranged to talk about benefits etc, but I told him about the weekend so we talked a lot about that too. And I called the Police Domestic Violence support unit, talked to a civilian, who was wonderful. She took lots of details of family and the situation and has flagged my address and made a note that I have difficulty speaking when stressed and anxious, and she said do do do phone, best to be safe etc. Oh dear, and she asked me if D drinks and drives, I didn’t respond immediately, then I answered Yes..... I thought it might be a blessing in disguise if they know he D&Ds, might keep an eye out for him, but that wasn't my intention. She wasn't from my area so she said she would phone my area office (I couldn't get anyone on their numbers) and tell them about my situation, and send me something in the post (not sure what, but to my parent's address). So I felt better when I'd done that......

Had to take a break for an hours drink fuelled verbal which I have recorded, Poppy featuring, swearing enormously, but talking a whole lot of sense. She came in after I had attempted to speak and had been beaten back, saying this is an unfair argument, let mum speak, she's allowed an opinion, stop talking over her. I was being blamed for not putting him right for all the times he had been wrong, for not being loud enough, strong enough. I was trying to tell him that I had tried for years and years, over and over, and every time I've tried he has told me not to ask, I won't do. I started to tell him it was too late, but he stopped me in my tracks, then Poppy joined us. I played a bit for Adele today, she only needed 2 minutes of it to see what he was like.

These verbals are coming so thick and fast I can’t process them, I was forced to listen, he came in my room. I lay on my bed with Lola with my eyes shut while he ranted on and on. Sam came in telling him mum doesn't want you here, she doesn't want to talk. He said something about looking online for a car, to remind him he wanted to do it the following day. D was upset bc Sam was asking ME about cars and not him, I know more about cars than your mother, Sam was very calm and sat on the bed. He asked D if he could work with him during the holidays bc he wants to earn some more money now he will have a car to run. D said you can come and work with me and learn something about life, but I won't pay you, it's skilled work, but it would do you good to come and work with me, it'll teach you about the real world.

He went on and on, literally an hour, mostly arguing with Poppy about living here, this is paradise etc etc. He only stopped bc he realised there were other kids in the house, who had heard him telling me that he had been celibate for the whole time I’ve been in my room, but he has...... oh, I'd better not write it here - lets say been self satisfied, with the help of online XXX sites (the kids were laughing at him, but I think Sam was embarrassed!!!!!!!!)- Poppy came down the stairs after he told me this in the hall to tell him that there were kids in the kitchen. He was certainly taken aback, said I didn't say they could come in, OK I'll stop now!

I was feeling supported by the kids, I am relieved. It will be OK. But he says if we get divorced he wants to keep this place (most of the hour was taken up with his dream, this place a paradise, somewhere for our grandkids to live, drink spring water, live off the land. He really is crazy.) I hope Dr H gets my letter tomorrow.

Oh, Mark the Lawyer (whom D HATES with a vengeance -all lawyers, money money grabbers) said I don’t have to put up with his behaviour, had I spoken to the police, that he was in the office Thurs/Fri if I want to know what options I have. He says the court should be sending out the papers this week, and I can have support if I want- not sure what that means.

I need therapy everyday! My head is spinning fast, I should stop thinking, just close it down. He says I’m messed up with drugs. Oh Goodness!


I hope you've had (oops, having!) a good day, weekend coming fast. Are your youngsters keeping amused?

Goodnight Kate. Look forward to proper talk tomorrow

H Rosex


H Rose,


I keep missing you! We have to hook up one of these days and have a nice back and forth talk with each other.


I think you posted some of this before because I do recall the appointment you had with the Citizens Bureau and your call to the Police. That is great on both fronts. You have covered all your bases and now have backup next time he goes off.


I am sorry to hear that he keeps yelling at you. That sounds like quite a tirade. Poor Sam had to be a target too. Dave is really avoiding the real issue here which is that he has outstayed his welcome. Even with all he has been through, he doesn't seem to have gained the insight he needs to see he is the problem.

I am glad that Adele had the chance to hear Dave going off. What was her reaction? I wonder if Mark the lawyer would be able to do anything with it?


Wow, H Rose, I can see why you feel like your head is spinning. You have been through quite a week. I am hoping with the letter from Mark and some more movement on your situation, this can progress so you can get Dave out of the home and you onto a more peaceful time of it.


Yes, the kids are keeping me busy! We have their cousins from out of state over for the next few weeks so it's a lot of back and forth. They are having a lot of fun and it's keeping them occupied. Are your kids keeping busy too?


Good night, H Rose. This will probably miss you given it's so late for you, but I can't help but sign off that way :)


Talk to you tomorrow,


TherapistMarryAnn and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Hi Kate,

thanks for your post. I hope we catch each other today :)

Last afternoon I went to meet Ziggy, she is lovely, as all you caring helpful people are (she’s a therapist too). We met at the offices, had a room to talk in. There was a lovely painting with 2 butterflies above her head which I kept glancing at as we talked. I think I did good, not VERY many words, but not too stuck either, better than I expected, she said I did well . K had written briefly to her, and I had emailed a couple of times, so she had a bit of background which I was glad of. We had an hour and 20, and generally talked about the situation, the kids, my options. She told me about refuges and safe houses, and what can happen with pets if I need to move somewhere that won't take pets, and she told me about panic alarms that can be installed in my house somewhere (she said on the phone?), so that is good to know. She also told me not to hesitate calling the out of hours helpline, even if I just want to hear someone's voice. And she was going to find out if there was someone who could fit a proper lock to my bedroom door. Even Sam said last night that everyone, especially in their own home, needs somewhere they can get away to for peace and privacy. She said I can email her if I need, and we will meet next week, maybe weekly, see how we get on. She gave me a lovely hug before I left. I feel very happy to have her.

He had a call from his GP last evening, he wasn’t home (6.30). He (GP) asked for him to call him back next week. I expect he has heard from the hospital, diabetes consultant, about him stopping his insulin etc. Did I tell you that? I didn't know until he came home from his appointment and I asked how it went. He told me he'd just stopped taking his insulin a month or so before. He needs to have some blood and urine tests. I hope Dr H has also spoken with him (D's GP) about what I wrote to her this week.

I told D when he came in and he was not happy, he HATES this Dr, though has never met him in his surgery, only knows about him through the GP’s neighbours(not good to know people, makes things tricky, he had kids at the same primary school as Poppy went to.) So we’ll see what happens there,could be interesting, more fireworks, but they’ll get the feel of him anyway. K mentioned his intense dislike of 'people with power' as being a symptom of a sociopath. I looked it up last night and there are many points that fit him. How does someone get diagnosed with a personality disorder, surely it's almost impossible with someone like D who will be totally different to someone to cover up. The children and I are the only ones who can tick or cross the boxes!

He left me alone last night after going off about his 'new 'GP. I didn't need to talk to him again. I took Poppy to her bf's, then went to bed, D playing reggae at full volume, drum bass beating through the floor, but I didn't complain. It stopped after a while. Today and this evening he is out at another festival, followed by a gig somewhere. Dad wants me to stay with them if I know he will come back drunk, I don't really want to, but I know i must keep safe. Ziggy said for me to pack a bag. I will, tomorrow.

I've just remembered I haven't told you D's 'profit' for the last financial year. He cleared a profit of £1590 (taking account of phone, some bills, etc) but not including the bills mentioned, £3577. I have been able to claim Working Tax Credit this coming year as a single person (spoke to them today), I think I will ask them if I will be better off claiming as a single person for last year too, as he has not contributed at all. Can but try.

I'm glad to hear your kids are occupied with cousins, it does make it fun doesn't it. I hope you have a big car to carry them all around in! And I hope you will have plenty of time off too. We STILL have rain every day, it's such a bore. Poppy still has another week of school, then I was hoping for a few days away, but still nothing planned. Sam is just hanging out, working a little, driving, has his test on Wednesday, then I'll have to get him a car organised (D has made no attempt). He is still using cannabis, I've had to let it lie for the moment. We saw his psychiatrist about his ADHD meds yesterday am, she asked if we thought they were helping. I said he definitely has been able to concentrate better studying for his exams. In the car on the way home he said that he feels it's the cannabis that is helping him to focus. Is that a possibility?

A quick rest before taking Sam to work. I may have to go off to pick up Poppy, but I am hoping to meet K on Second Life on the desktop now I have internet sorted out, AND D isn't home- yippee! I think my Pearl sub has died a death :(

Til later (new thread if you want to transfer over)

H Rose

I am doing well! It's so good to talk with you! I am transferring this new post over to the new thread so I'll see you there!