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I like rough sex and I donot enjoy a light (love) sex. is it

a sexual problem?...
I like rough sex and I donot enjoy a light (love) sex. is it a sexual problem?
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Answered in 1 minute by:
7/2/2012
Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4,627
Experience: PsyD, LPC, CHt
Verified
Dr. Rossi :

Hi,

Dr. Rossi :

It would not be considered a problem if it is not interfering with your relationship.

Dr. Rossi :

Is someone telling you that it is wrong?

Dr. Rossi :

There is a difference b/w masochism and "rough sex"

Customer:

I don't know if this is exactly my problem. actually my husband has suggested me to consult a doctor because he thinks I'm sexually cold( he cannot turn me on)

Dr. Rossi :

Ok I see. That is different in a way. Not being able to be turned out by him or what he's doing is different than liking rough sex. Is he doing what you like when you're intimate at all?

Customer:

I have some fantsies about being tortured or raped or whiped but in reallity I don't like it at all.

Dr. Rossi :

Do you feel this is more of an arousal issue (whether or not he provides what you need) Meaning- if he does what you like, would you get aroused/turned on or not?

Dr. Rossi :

Fantasies can be healthy. That is why they're called fantasies- because in actuality they don't occur. Yet, mentally, you can still get stimulated by thinking about it.

Customer:

I like to be tied or slightly whiped and if he does I'm sexually get turned out.

Dr. Rossi :

Does he do it often enough? What had made him suggest that you speak to a clinician?

Dr. Rossi :

People find different things arousing.

Customer:

He thinks because I'm not usually interested in having sex and it takes a long time for him to stimulate me I must have problem

Dr. Rossi :

The difference b/w sexual disorders and having a fetish or fantasy has to be made. You can have the latter and it does not have to be problematic.

Dr. Rossi :

There could be a possibility of delayed arousal (that could be an issue) But you're indicating that you do get turned on during certain times.

Customer:

Is there a way that I also get stimulated in ausual light lovely way?

Dr. Rossi :

There is a condition called Female Sexual Arousal Disorder

Dr. Rossi :

Yes, you can get stimulated through different techniques but you'd have to change your expectations. That would mean that you'd have to desire and find appealing other ways of love making i.e. light love making.

Dr. Rossi :

But, you should not force yourself to make such a change if otherwise you're happy w/ the fantasy

Customer:

I also sometimes commit masterbation, may it be my problem?

Dr. Rossi :

And, you should not change your expectations or actions because of him

Dr. Rossi :

Masturbation is not a problem. It is a healthy thing to do. You know your body better than anyone else. Self stimulation is not seen as a bad thing.

Dr. Rossi :

The symptoms of the Female Sexual Arousal Disorder are these "

Symptoms




Inability to attain or maintain until completion of sexual activity adequate lubrication in response to sexual excitement. Must result in significant distress and not better accounted for by another disorder or the use of a substance."

Customer:

Are these drugs that help stimulation useful for my case to get arousal?

Dr. Rossi :

Yes, women can take testosterone or there are natural options that increase the hormone in women such as: Tribulus, Maca, Macuna Pruriens and DHEA

Dr. Rossi :

The symptoms for Sexual Masochism are

Customer:

No I don't have these symptoms

Dr. Rossi :

"

Sexually masochistic behaviors are typically evident by early adulthood, and often start with masochistic or sadistic play in childhood. The disorder is characterized by either intense sexually arousing fantasies, urges, or behaviors in which the individual is humiliated, beaten, bound, or made to suffer in some way."

Dr. Rossi :

Yes, you don't.

Dr. Rossi :

So, it is not per se a sexual disorder from what you've shared so far.

Dr. Rossi :

Disorders are generally diagnosed when certain criteria is met (symptoms present)

Customer:

Yes I have the symptoms of Masochism

Dr. Rossi :

Do you find the fantasies and urges to be the only factor that leads to pleasure during love making though?

Dr. Rossi :

Or do you sometimes still enjoy yourself without these being present?

Customer:

Yes almost the only factor and very very rarely I can get stimulated in other ways

Dr. Rossi :

For this condition, working with a sexologist/therapist can be helpful as long as you want to be able to manage these

Customer:

I just dream these things and can enjoy

Dr. Rossi :

Do you feel OK about workin w/ someone on this?

Dr. Rossi :

Because you would want to be open and comfortable with this and not doing it because he suggested it.

Customer:

What dou you mean? could you explain?

Dr. Rossi :

Your husband had suggested to you totalk to a clinician. You'd want to do it for yourself not just to please him

Dr. Rossi :

If you're happy and he's able to go along with the way you like to make love, what is preventing him from that?

Customer:

I myself like to enjoy a lovely sex like those I see in movies!!

Dr. Rossi :

Is he reserved or does he feel inadequate in his performance?

Dr. Rossi :

You do know that movies show romantic notions that are not always realistic though right?

Dr. Rossi :

Or when you read romantic novels where both partners climax at the same time.

Customer:

And moreover my problem is sometimes even after having sex with my husband I still need to do masterbation which is nit a good feeling

Dr. Rossi :

People are different- different things arouse them, some take longer to climax, some don't through vaginal penetration, etc.

Dr. Rossi :

You do the mastubation immediately after or the next day?

Dr. Rossi :

And, do you do it to climax?

Dr. Rossi :

Have you ever had him stimlate your clitoris?

Customer:

Yes, I know about the exagurated movie loves!! yes almost emediately when he sleeps at night.and till climax

Customer:

yes, not really successful

Dr. Rossi :

You should not feel bad for climaxing through self stimulation. Women's bodies are different than men. Rarely women climax through intercouse. Some individuals believe that there is a G spot

Dr. Rossi :

That would be an area about 2 inches into the vaginal opening on the top. To stimulate it, a person (either you or he) would motion the come here w. ones finger.

Customer:

So you think that everything is OK with me about masterbation, late stimulation and masochistic fantasies. these are all natural? and I don't need any drug?

Dr. Rossi :

It is healthy for the two of ou to try different things that feel good to you. Most likely, you'd have to show him more than one time or guide his hand, tell him about the pressure if it is too light or hard and the speed (in regard to clitoral stimulation)

Dr. Rossi :

Drugs would not correct these. The testosterone or the supplements are only if you want to feel more aroused. But, you don't have trouble being aroused when he has rough sex or when you masturbate.

Dr. Rossi :

And, people usually seek therapy only when their behavior/symtoms interferes w/ their life/relationship

Customer:

OK, thank you, ***** ***** have any more suggestions?

Dr. Rossi :

If he is able to please you at least some of the time and do what you like, what you're experiencing is not uncommon.

Dr. Rossi :

The suggestion would be 1) not feel guilty for masturbating, 2) show him exactly what you like 3) know that a person does not have to climax each time they're intimate and that it is OK

Dr. Rossi :

4) you and he can look for different things to do (wathc videos/books) and be open to trying new stuff

Dr. Rossi :

5) while you're having intercourse, you may try to masturbate at the same time

Dr. Rossi :

or some individuals use a sex toy while masturbating. He could be the one using the toy while you're stimulating your clitoris

Dr. Rossi :

Love making is more than getting an orgasm.

Dr. Rossi :

It is being yourself

Customer:

Thanks, ***** ***** my answer. you helped me well.

Dr. Rossi :

Thank you.

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Hi Mitra,

I just wanted to check and see if there was anything else you needed feedback on? I noticed that you had not yet rated our conversation. Thank you!

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Customer reply replied 5 years ago
Dear Dr. Rossi,I tried to rate your service but it seems that the part with the "faces" doesn't work. I tried in 2 computers and I selected the face but nothing happens!! maybe you can send me another link.Thanks ,
Thank you Mitra! I will send it to the moderators. Take care!
Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4,627
Experience: PsyD, LPC, CHt
Verified
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Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4,627
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