Mental Health

Have Mental Health Questions? Ask a Psychiatrist Online

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Mental Health
This answer was rated:

Why am I so indecisive about my job and 2nd guessing myself

everyday, not happy...I was self...
Why am I so indecisive about my job and 2nd guessing myself everyday, not happy...I was self employed, then took a job as an employee for stability and benefits, but had to give up freedom and flexibility, now I'm regretting it, having to report to a boss, HR, etc.. No I'm afraid, I may not get old clients back and may have forgotten skill I had to do appraisals as self employed.
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Answered in 39 minutes by:
7/2/2012
Patience
Patience, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 291
Experience: MA Clinical Psychology; BS Health Sciences
Verified
Patience : Hello! Thanks for your question. So the working for an employer does not agree with you?
Patience : Have you weighed out all the pros and cons?
Patience : RU there?
Customer:

yes, several times, the list seems fairly even, that's what makes it more difficult. It seems to come down to happiness, freedom and flexibility. It must be hard for you not knowing the entire history and situation.yes. I'm entering reply, but it's not submitting.


Customer:

There it goes, sorry...


Customer:

hello?


Customer:

Hello, I'm I doing something wrong?


Patience : Ok. So if it's fairly even, why not just toss a coin? Either one would.
Patience : be the same, right?
Customer:

ha, wish it were that easy, I guess I'm indecisive by nature and would probably end up 2nd guessing myself either way.


Patience : Yes, but surely you have.
Customer:

Most people say to give it a year, but I'm afraid I may forget what I was doing and lose my old clients. I have much less stress, but less money, less freedom


Customer:

maybe I need to redo my list?


Patience : made other big decisions.
Patience : What
Patience : makes this one different?
Patience : Surew
Patience : Surely you've
Patience : Surely you've.
Patience : What makes this choice so difficult, do you think?
Patience : Sorry. Computer Glitches.
Customer:

age almost 55, worry about real estate appraisal profession as a whole because of govt. regs, technology, liability and the job provides health. My 3 kids saw how much I stressed and worked being self employed, so they worry about my health. Thing is I was a good appraiser, had good clients and I had some good help, but they to saw my stress, now I would have to be on my own which is ok, I would just have to accept less work, make less money and find balance, I lost that being self employed.


Patience : Well you could redo the list. But it does take time to get the feel of a job.
Customer:

yes, how long do I give it...should I let my boss know how I feel, he understands how hard it was for me to take it, so he has been very understanding, and has made comments about me going back to my practice, so I think he senses my indecisiveness and has already said how happy he has been that I've helped him start this new dept., he's a good guy, I respect him alot and would probably be able to keep them as a client, so I just assume to be honest.


Customer:

Somehow I feel like I should be paying yu more for this time??


Patience : How long would you give the job if it was a date? How long do you usually take to decide whether something will work for you?
Customer:

ha, it always comes back to relationships doesn't it...well, I've been stuck in a relationship for 12 years (at least I feel stuck) which hasn't helped with my indecisiveness. I used to be pretty confident about my decisions, but after divorce, getting severed from a job and open heart surgery..I've become more wishy washy and don't trust my heart, gut or instincts as much. We have been dating 12 years, so that's in limbo, now my job is in limbo, not a good place to be.


Patience : The program iz sticking. Is it ok if I switch to Q & A?
Customer:

a date, I would probably know right away, in fact after I accepted it, I had this uneasy feeling I made the wrong decision, but I'd been telling myself and others for years, that if something steady came along I'd take it, finally it did, the pay is $65,000 so not bad and steady 40 hours, but after I started, I almost quit, but told myself give it some time because of my past wanting to try something stable.


Customer:

sure


Customer:

I think the freedom, flexibility and opportunity to make more money because I can work as hard and as long as I want to, plus I have the experience, education and reputation that is needed in the industry...it's just a stressful job, and I can't say NO, so it's hard for me to find balance and happiness.


Customer:

It's not a bad dillemma actually, I'm lucky to have a job and an opportunity to be self employed, it's just which one will make me happiest


Customer:

Sorry, I'm rambling on...


Customer:
Customer:

How so I switch to Q & A


Customer:
Customer:

We lost connection, I've been waiting to long, sorry


Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Hello again! After getting the technical glitch straightened out, I am getting a better sense of your situation from what you have written. I understand the conundrum. It sounds like more than problems with the job, you are having something of a mid-life crisis.
That is both good and bad. It means that all your doubts and hesitations will come bubbling up, as you have seen. But it also means a second (or third) chance to go for having a life worth living.
so don't do anything rash Don't leap quite yet, please. Instead of a list of pros and cons, let's start with a list of what you would like to be getting out of your life altogether.
Could we start with that? Why not just take this time and space to shoot me back a response with some of the things that would be on your list, and we can go on from there.
I'll be waiting here to see what you're thin*****, *****ience P.
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 5 years ago

ok, there you are, sorry, lost you on the other site

Customer reply replied 5 years ago
your right it does sound like that, a mid-life crisis, I nver should have jumped into te job in the first place I guess, but if I wouldn't have tried it, I may never know what is was like and would be second guessing that. I have to go to bed, can I get back wit you?
I think it would be fruitful to follow up on this. Just copy this URL or log on and ask for Patience. I will get back to you as soon as I can.
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 5 years ago

I will get back to you this evening if that's ok

That will work. I will keep an eye out for your email. Best regards, ***** *****
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 5 years ago
I can reply from my phone..I think your onto something with the midlife crisis thing..never thought of it that way?
start with sending me some of the list of what you would like to be getting out of your life right now.
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 5 years ago
Lose weight, keep good health. Make as much money as I can so I can retire someday. I lost my identity when I took this job. I was an appraiser and an expert, now I'm an employee in a cubicle in the basement...less stress, but no challenge and no identity. I lost my mom in December, now all my parents are gone, my 3 kids are gone and out of the area and I have a girlfriend of 12 years I can't commit to and may not be in love with, so lots of drama...I just want to be happy
Hi again! BTW could you let me know your name? I guess you know my name is Patience.
You have a lot of loss going on in through here. Especially with your mum passing and the children out of the nest, it is difficult!
How is your spiritually support? And what about friends? I am asking not so you have more opinions to sort thru, but so you have feedback to touch into your courage, confidence, and competence, you know?
You are finding as do so many men as they mature into and past middle age that work is not necessarily something good around which to base your identity. You have to go much deeper than that. You will have to learn to cultivate inner happiness, regardless if you go or stay with with the job situation.
And you have been with the same gf for 12 years--wow! And are you ready to throw her to the winds so you will have everything new happening? That is quite a bit of daring, I'd say. . . .
So what are your further thoughts? it's good that we can talk thing out a bit.
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 5 years ago

My name is ***** ***** is really patience? that's cute and no I'm not trying to hit on you because I'm going through a crisis. No question, my confidence is at an all time low, when I was my own boss I was much more confident and when kids were home. My gf is a good person and don't know why she has stayed with me we don't live togehter, but spend most of our time together. I play drums in a praise band at church and have lots of guy friends and colleagues I share with. That's my problem I often rely on other peoples opinions then trusting my own. I'm sure I'm depressed. I seem to tear up over silly things I never used to, sounds feminine. I just don't know if I should go back to my own business with freedom or stay in this employee situation, the lack of stress is great, but lack of freedom and flexibility is hard also.

Glad to hear from you again, Dan! Yes, my name is ***** ***** and i guess it fits and is a quality that helps me in working with people in crisis. Thanks for the compliment.
I have a few recommendations for your situation. First just drop trying to decide right now. if you cannot do that immediately, then how about if you just limit think and speculating, etc. on the employment scene to one period of the day? You can give yourself an hour or so to go at it, and then give yourself a break for the rest of the day. This will probably be difficult, but keep trying. It will take some of the pressure off and turn down the stress level a notch.
Then I would suggest giving your spiritual life an increased focused. As my mother would say, "Let go and let God." If you actually can leave yourself open, you will be surprised. You will gain clarity and the right decision will make itself known.
The tears are good BTW. there is a chemical in them that has a positive effect on health. Crying is one way that the emotional body can cleanse itself. It often takes men until they are past 40 or 50 to be able to access this and other parts of their feminine side, but it takes both the masculine and the feminine sides to make a whole and healthy person. So, good job on that;c)
Other things that you may want to look into are learning mindfulness meditation; joining a health club and getting a friend to be a exercise partner and then getting into a regular routine with it; try taking up yoga. These will help your body and your mind move towards health, and they are also great stress relievers.
Now ask yourself, do you need counseling, do you need a physical, do you need vitamins. Look into the things you think will best help you get your equilibrium bacK. It may take doing something completely different!
So basically I am saying relax a little more, get a little healthier, and then use some tools (e.g. counseling, prayers) to help you unearth the decision. Also, keep in mind, nothing is a guaranteed success. But if you have done the other things you need to do, that will not be a big deal--you will have alternatives, you will have been shoring up your confidence and clear-thinking. Got it?
Ok, now to the business part of things: Please rate my response so that I can get credit for working with you. I get about half of what you give to Just Answer, so yes, a good tip would be very much appreciated.
If you want to talk further or use this as a forum for continuing part of your process, please feel free to contact me again or set up an appointment. Just ask for Patience when you write in.
With warm positive regards, ***** *****
Patience
Patience, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 291
Experience: MA Clinical Psychology; BS Health Sciences
Verified
Patience and 87 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Customer reply replied 5 years ago
Thanks for your advice patience, I never thought I was going through a mid life crisis, but sure sounds like it. Look forward to chatting with you soon.
You are welcome, Dan. It has been nice talking with you and I am keeping a good thought that things will go well for you. Take care, Patience
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Ask Patience Your Own Question
Patience
Patience
Patience, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 291
291 Satisfied Customers
Experience: MA Clinical Psychology; BS Health Sciences

Patience is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much

Corrie MollPretoria, South Africa

I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well!

ClaudiaAlbuquerque, NM

Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion.

KevinBeaverton, OR

Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
I feel better already! Thank you.

ElanorTracy, CA

Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem.

JulieLockesburg, AR

You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions.

John and StefanieTucson, AZ

I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!!

Janet VPhoenix, AZ

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

Dr. Keane

Dr. Keane

Therapist

1,379 satisfied customers

Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.

TherapistMarryAnn

TherapistMarryAnn

Therapist

3,984 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.

Dr. Olsen

Dr. Olsen

Psychologist

2,336 satisfied customers

PsyD Psychologist

Norman M.

Norman M.

Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA

2,246 satisfied customers

ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.

Dr. Michael

Dr. Michael

Psychologist

2,177 satisfied customers

Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.

Steven Olsen

Steven Olsen

Therapist

1,728 satisfied customers

More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education

Anna

Anna

Mental Health Professional

1,656 satisfied customers

Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.

< Previous | Next >

Related Mental Health Questions
Can stress in the workplace cause indigestion, stomach upset
Can stress in the workplace cause indigestion, stomach upset and bloating? … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
719 satisfied customers
I have a new job. It's highly stressful and I work hours
I have a new job. It's highly stressful and I work long hours sometimes 15 a day. I'm starting to have what I think are panic stacks. What do I do? … read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
203 satisfied customers
I am having terrible guilt and shame about things I did in
I am having terrible guilt and shame about things I did in my past which have suddenly come to my consciousness - when I was about 16 I was extremely sexual and ended up sniffing knickers on a number … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
719 satisfied customers
I'm going through a stressful period and would like some
I'm going through a stressful period and would like some relief from stress & pain, … read more
Dr. Thomas, MD
Dr. Thomas, MD
2,227 satisfied customers
I'm writing because I'm in a very stressful upsetting
Hi,I'm writing because I'm in a very stressful upsetting relationship, and I need to make sense of it. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He is an angry guy by nature. I think he's a bit narci… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
719 satisfied customers
I want to stop using cilift 40 mg for post pardom stress
Good day. I want to stop using cilift 40 mg for post pardom stress disorder. Because I think it is the reason for my weight gain. Is it possible for weight gain Thank you… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
721 satisfied customers
Leah,I had a question I did get to mention yesterday..the
Hi Leah,I had a question I did get to mention yesterday..the thread was getting a bit to long anyway lol… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
719 satisfied customers
I did ask a male professional earlier about my problem, but
I did ask a male professional earlier about my problem, but it would be great to get a female psychologists view also. My husband and I have not had sex in 6 years. He had a mild stroke 5 years ago, b… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
721 satisfied customers
I am recently divorced, working a stressful job, have over
I am recently divorced, working a stressful job, have over an hour drive each way to work in rush hour traffic, and worry a lot about things to the point of not having an appetite. I cycle to try to a… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
950 satisfied customers
What can I do to un-stress? I've painted my nails for the
What can I do to un-stress? I've painted my nails for the first time in ages, and my husband has court RIGHT NOW. I am just wishing for his wellness, and ours as a family. It's for him assaulting me, … read more
Dr. Phil, MD
Dr. Phil, MD
Internal Medicine Physician
Doctoral Degree
2,620 satisfied customers
I am stressing out at work because I work for a covert
I am stressing out at work because I work for a covert bully. He is a sociopath. He has made my life hell for two months. I am. Losing sleep and I carry stress in the pit of my stomach. I haven't been… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
166 satisfied customers
OKMH710211 If stress is too high, how do you meditate enough
OKMH710211 If stress is too high, how do you meditate enough to get more than an hour of sleep at a time?… read more
Patience
Patience
Therapist
291 satisfied customers
Its kind of imbarrising.. I did realize I could chat to some
its kind of imbarrising.. I did realize I could chat to some one on here … read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
My doctor switched me from sertraline to viibryd. I did one
My doctor switched me from sertraline to viibryd. I did one week of 10 mg, then 2 weeks of 20 mg, now back to 10mg so I can switch back to sertraline. I don't like viibryd. How can I safely switch bac… read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
203 satisfied customers
I I'm going through extreme stressful situation right now.
I I'm going through extreme stressful situation right now. My doctor prescribed valium to relax me but I have been on Paxil for many years. I get the sleep but wake up all adgitated. Ant ideas?? … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
719 satisfied customers
Dear Dr. Keane, just a quick message to say that I did not
Dear Dr. Keane, just a quick message to say that I did not get that job, enough time has passed by to now know this. I've plenty to say, but not plenty of time this week as my gran is now visiting, so… read more
Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane
Therapist
Doctoral Degree
1,379 satisfied customers
I've been under a lot of stress lately, and I'm hearing
I've been under a lot of stress lately, and I'm hearing voices that aren't really voices, they're there. They imply feelings of anger and frustration. And the only thing that comes to mind is "money i… read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
I have some stress because of my older sister Shazmin Lalji
Hi my name is***** have some stress because of my older sister Shazmin Lalji and her family. She always want to compete and it seems she can be skinny sometimes and other times she can be fat sometime… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
719 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x