Hi Dr. Rossi,
About the possibility of BiPolar disorder...I've seen him go into his rage twice in Philadelphia and physically it's clear he becomes distressed, to the point where he shakes, he's closed down and the level anger, overall, seems extremely disproportinate to whatever it was that set him off. It's a situation where I would imagine it would have my sister feeling like she should be walking on egg shells around him. He also has a history of heavy marijuana use, which has made me wonder if he was self-medicating. At this time though I don't know about any kind of drug or alcohol abuse
. Also his sister has described him as being abnormally "Hot" tempered since he was young which contributed to him being put out on the street, by his aunt when he was 18.
She's already told me that this part of his behavior makes her uncomfortable/scares her and she's also already said that she wasn't sure if she wanted to marry him, more than once but a month ago and further back.
The wedding is July 14th and my parents are basically paying for everything.
I'm not sure how to bring it up, but I feel certain I need to say something. She will be here this weekend and that's why I'm seeking out advice now.
It's difficult for me, because she has a history of being defensive of bad situations. Part of the history consists of having a bf that she finally told our family had bi-polar disorder and refused to take his meds. I wasn't surprised since he had similar rage displays as this person where the anger was disproportionate to any offense there may have been and was extreme. He was emotionally abusive, controlling and very critical or anyone that was close to her. He was cheating on her which I wasn't surprised about, but she was very defensive about every criticism. She didn't break-up with him until he had to finally admit to her that he had been cheating and had contracted gonorrhea. He didn't even admit that until a phone call she got from him on the our 13 hour ride back from her college to move her things.
The cheating part is difficult, because all I have to go on is a phone call I partially overheard of him making arrangements to meet someone during his job training months ago where he abruptly ended the call when he noticed I'd walked into the room and then there was an awkward silence. I didn't talk to my sister about this, but I did
talk to my parents which turned into the discussion about hiring a private detective to try to confirm or deny and that never happened.
Essentially I view this as a Bee Hive of issues where I have to finally say something to her, I just am trying to figure out the best way, attempt to find whichever relevant counseling might be available.