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Dr_Anderson, Doctor
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  Psychiatrist
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I am girl of 16 years. I am a christian but i am deeply love

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HI. I am girl of 16 years. I am a christian but i am deeply love with a muslim. We both are in such a condition that we cannot live without each other and he is 18 years old. I am living in London and he is in India, my native country. we contact through phone and facebook. I have informed some of my cousins about this and he even used to have talk with them often. But now they are telling me to discontinue the relation but i cant . what should i do?
Dr_Anderson : Greetings, and thank you for your question. This is a very tough position to be in. When it comes to matters of the heart, you can get (and indeed are probablty already receiving!) lots of feedback into what you ought to do and ought not to do. It can be very confusing! So, please keep in mind that mine is just another voice in this matter.
Dr_Anderson : Now, that being said, you mentioned that your faith is Christian, and his is Muslim. No doubt, you both have a love for one another, the relationship is fresh, new, intoxicating, perhaps.
Dr_Anderson : So, we must address the two areas of concern: faith and love.

Thank you for answering me


I think thats fine

Dr_Anderson : Regarding love, let us fast forward to several years from now. Will the love you feel now be willing to withstand the trials of rejection, either from his family or your own? Will thaT love be willing to give up your own faith, or willing to overlook his if he does not come to faith?
Dr_Anderson : Please don't rate this yet, we're not done...the rating sets my overall ratings in the negative!

He has told me that he wont follow my faith but i should follow his. but i argued and he agrees at times


sorry for that

Dr_Anderson : Please retract it if you can. Now, on to the next topic (and we only touched upon love, there is so much more to that one, but to move to faith...)
Dr_Anderson : So, faith. To best understand where you are in your faith, what do you believe?

Yes i do love him a lot and have decided to give up my family but faith is still a great question

Dr_Anderson : And so, what do you believe? What is your faith?

I believe in Jesus a lot. Till I met him I was in such a condition that i would never fall in love just for my jesus. but his entry in my life made me to change it. I am good believer and as an Indian I am never expected to have a life with him by others


i meant i had decided to never love someone else other than Jesus

Dr_Anderson : So, you believe in Jesus as Savior, but do you believe in Him as Lord?

Ya i do. But my love prevents me now

Dr_Anderson : What a predicament to be in, yes? :) Because Jesus says that no one can serve two masters, that love for Him has to come before love for anyone or anything else. And we show our love for Him and His Lordship over us by doing as He says. One thing He commands is to let nothing stand between us and Him. But, alas, along comes a love for a man, a true love, but one that will indeed demand you choose between Jesus and something else.
Dr_Anderson : And, your love has made it clear what his wishes are with respect to faith. So, in essence, he is forcing you to choose between hgim and Jesus.
Dr_Anderson : So, what is a woman to do? The best answer I can come up with? Wait. Of course, pray, that is a given. Wait for what?
Dr_Anderson : Wait and pray for wisdom, and for your love to come to know Him as you do, so then you no longer have to choose, because Jesus will be Lord of BOTH of your lives.

My relatives always have seen me as a girl who does everything after great think. one day the day i met him , the day I didnot had any special impresssion or feelings to him , i dreamt of getting a baby and it was named muslim


I was astonished and told my mom. she did tell nothing


And this incident made me to feel that he is the right guy for me

Dr_Anderson : I have learned through my Indian women friends that Indian women love for life, and they love strongly. But, consider gthis dream, that it was a dream only. Does it hold enough power to turn your gaze away from Jesus?

He is so determined to have me for 1 day he even showed up to my cousin's house and stayed there for the day


No it didnot

Dr_Anderson : What do you think of the other things I wrote above?

I think you are right about that


Today I did tell him about my cousins asking me to drop the relation and he was so sad and told me that he could no longer live without me so will end his life if I turn away

Dr_Anderson : That is a very serious and manipulative thing for him to say.

And he is a sort of guy who enjoys his life a lot and never would have dreamt of death. he telling that strucked me

Dr_Anderson : In my work as a psychiatrist, when one person says that, they usually end up being very controlling of the other pwerson. That is not love, that is slavery. For him to say that is also very childish - if he does not get his way, he will throw a "tantrum." His choices are his own to make, you are not responsible for them. Yers, that is a hug red flag.
Dr_Anderson : So, indeed, in answer to the qauestion what to do? Pray, and wait. If it is true love, it will endure the test of time - more than that, it will be even stronger.

I am not his first love , its his second love and he had admitted that to me. He also had so many bad habits which he dropped after being committed with me and his friends and my friends who knew him has told me that he has changed a lot and has become a good guy now

Dr_Anderson : Pray and wait. :)

Thank you.

Dr_Anderson : You are more than welcome. Sometimes I find that if the answer is not a clear yes or no, waiting is the best thing to do. Best wishes to you! Regards, ***** *****
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