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Dr. Olsen
Dr. Olsen, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2336
Experience:  PsyD Psychologist
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My husband of 14 years has been online dating, and sexting

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My husband of 14 years has been online dating, and sexting with women online and has sent and requested pictures from them including sexting with lovers from high school. I want to know if sexual addition can be quelled and whether my marriage can be saved.
Thank you for writing in JustAnswer.
Let me ask you a few questions first.
Does your husband acknowledge that he has sexual addiction?
Is he open to treatment?
Please let me know by clicking on “Reply” and I will then craft my response.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Warm Regards,
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
My husband has acknowledgedthat he has a problem that he is sick. This admission is due to my discovery of emails (two years worth), text messages and sexting. His behavior is secretive and hes states its because I reject him sexually, or dont do the things he wants or when I am mad at him. He say he seeks attention, affection and validation from other women because he doesn't get it from me. At this time he says he is ashamed, loves me but wants to remain separated for a few months to see if we can get through this. He has moved out of state to live with his mother. My concern is that if we don't discuss this face to face and seek counseling it will continue and now I'm too far away to intervene. Not sure if the marriage will survive since this already occured three years ago and we did couples counseling for 1 yr. Thank you
Hi there,
Thank you for your reply.
I can imagine how sad and anxious you must have felt about this situation.
It sounds like your husband of 14 years have been addicted to online sexual communication with other women.
I think he has emotional problems leading to this addictive behavior.
He may benefit from working with a psychologist specializing in addiction.
Sex, food, internet pornography, and spending can all become addictive and, because of their unavoidable presence in one's life, abstinence is not always a solution. Changing one's thinking and behavioral processes from addictive back to controllable and health is not easy, but often with help, can be accomplished. He will need to learn to control the addictive, compulsive impulses and to retrain his thinking about sexuality.
Many adults with his problems may have dysfunctional beliefs like: "I am unlovable the way I am" "It is not possible to have my needs met with another person" "Sex is the most important need in my life" .
Cognitive-behavior therapy (CBT) can be helpful for your husband in changing his own maladaptive thought patterns that may continue to feed his addiction. He or you may find a psychologist specializing in addiction and CBT. He may ask his primary care doctor for a referral to a psychologist/specialist. Or he may contact his insurance company for a referral to a psychologist on the panel of his insurance company.
I would recommend him to work with a specialist weekly for 5 months or longer.
Trust is already broken.
It's up to you whether you forgive him and give him another chance or not.
Please let me know if you have more questions or I have overlooked any. Warm regards,
Dr. Olsen and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you