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Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 794
Experience:  Specializing in mental health counseling
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My fiancee is in councelling for childhood mental trauma.

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My fiancee is in councelling for childhood mental trauma. She sees a councellor once a week but after almost 15 months of knowing her will not share anything about it, she didnt even want me to know or talk about her councellor. What do i do
Hello, I'm Alicia. Thanks for your question. I'm happy to help you today.
I applaud your concern and desire to be helpful to your fiancee. It says a lot about your character and your relationship that you have such an interest in helping her heal from her childhood trauma. And you've handled it well so far, by telling her that you're there to support her and help her, and by letting her know that anything she tells you is confidential, that you won't betray her trust. However, if she has a history of severe trauma, she may be extremely reluctant to open up to you about this - for any number of reasons. Perhaps the trauma is something she is ashamed of, or feels guilty about, or she just hasn't come to terms with it and doesn't want it to "interfere" with your relationship - even though I am sure, from what you're saying, that it wouldn't - that doesn't prevent her from feeling those underlying fears. The best thing you can do is to continue what you're doing, continue to be supportive - but try not to pry. Let her handle this experience in a way she feels comfortable with - by continually asking her to share her experience with you, you might actually be causing the opposite reaction you desire, meaning that she's withdrawing even more in an attempt to protect herself, psychologically speaking. Even though you mean well and your heart is in the right place, she has to feel that she can come to you about this if she "wants" to, not that she "needs" to. Sometimes, certain experiences are so traumatic that they need to stay private for a long time before someone can begin to open up about them with another person. And 15 months in counseling isn't really a very long time if the trauma had such an impact on her. You might just want to let her know that if she wants to share anything with you (as you've already done) that she can feel free, and that you won't betray her confidence, but that you realize that this is something that she feels the need to handle on her own right now, in her own time. Let her come to you when and if she's ready. The chances are that she will let you know when she's ready to disclose this information to you, but she has to feel safe enough to do it in her own time. If you're planning to get married, I can understand your concern and your desire for information about her experience, but it can't be rushed, and the more you try to rush it, the more you might actually be delaying it. The process she's going through in therapy can be very intense and draining, and she might just need some time to "not" think about these issues.
I wish you luck. Please let me know if you need additional assistance.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Hi alicia, thank you i expected this to be the case but i didnt tell you she has been in councelling for, as far as i can tell, 6 - 8 years. I think dream interpretation personally is a control device of the ether, i personalky dont think its healthy and should take back control of her destiny by acknowledging she drives the ship, not her dreams or astrology. Her prolems are her strict and metally damaging parents, its not sexual abuse. Just argumentative abuse.
I work as a shamanic healer and was indoctrined by my teacher of the order of st john hospitallier templar. I know the doors of healing practice. I just have the opinion this form of therapy is or has become more of a game, for want of a better word.
Anyway any more insight is welcom :-)
Hi there,
I can certainly understand and respect your viewpoints about this, and I do also hear your concerns about the dream interpretation techniques used by the therapist. As you obviously know, dream interpretation is a helpful therapeutic device for many people, as it can help to give insight into the psyche and help uncover certain traumatic experiences that may be buried in the unconscious. But I do hear what you're saying in terms of your concerns about her reliance on astrology and other new-age methods - and you're right, it's not always healthy to become dependent on these tools. And perhaps she is working on "taking back control of the ship" as you put it, in therapy - but of course we can't say for sure what's going on because we can't be flies on the wall during her therapy sessions :) Basically, it sounds to me like you're concerned that she's being manipulated, if I am hearing you correctly, and that you don't think therapy is serving her best interests. And I can also respect your opinions about that - true therapy doesn't rely on astrology, for one thing (although again, dream interpretation is often used in many types of treatment.) I think the frustrating part for you is that there's not much you can do to influence her experience in therapy - even though you obviously have her best interests at heart. Even if it's been six years, being in therapy is a very personal activity, and she may be getting some benefit out of it, even if that doesn't seem apparent. So I still think the thing to do is to let her decide the course this is going to take. That's all you can do - you can't stop her from going to therapy, obviously, and you can't force her to talk to you about it, either. But being supportive is the best action - I don't think it's such a bad idea to let her know your concerns about the astrology and dream interpretation, although I imagine that if she's already established a strong relationship with the therapist, there's not much that you can do to change her mind. This could simply be part of the process of healing that she needs to go through, even if you don't necessarily agree with it (I'm not necessarily saying it's right, I'm saying that everyone has to choose their own path of healing, and the best thing you can do is try to respect that.) Please let me know if you have any more questions :)
Alicia_MSW and 3 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Youve been great and insighful :-) thank you. Tell me how would i go about doing on linenhelp like you do? ***@******.***
You're welcome! And if you're serious (and you have a mental health degree - or if you are an expert in another field) you can always contact JustAnswer to apply to be an expert :)
Good luck!