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Dr. Olsen
Dr. Olsen, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2336
Experience:  PsyD Psychologist
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My husband of 30 years is going through a mid-life crisis

Resolved Question:

My husband of 30 years is going through a mid-life crisis and has turned in to someone i dont know anymore. Recently i found proof that he was involved in an emotional affair. he has lied to me over and over about this and i have caught him every time. He says he has done nothing wrong,it was just friendship and he doesnt know why I am so upset. help!
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 5 years ago.
Thank you for writing in JustAnswer.
Let me ask you a few questions first.
Is your husband aware of his crisis?
Is he open to counseling for himself?
Please let me know by clicking on “Reply” and I will then craft my response.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Warm Regards,
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
My husband has no clue of his crisis or the changes in himself. My husband has been in counseling alone and we have had marriage counseling many years ago. no changes have come from his counseling, he has many passive aggressvice behaviors and always thinks hes a victim and always blames everyone and everything else as the problem. No one (our children,myself) has every been able to get through to him.
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 5 years ago.
Hi there,
Thank you for your response.
Perhaps, he may have mild to moderate depression and/or anxiety as he may be in mid life crisis. Many people go through mid life crisis around age 45-64 in the U.S..
It sounds like counseling has not been helpful for his condition.
He has been in denial of his issues. He externalizes his problems blaming others. Counseling is supposed to help him reflect on his own issues.
His emotional affair may be indicative of depression - emotional withdrawal from you and his family. He may be escaping into fantasy.
This may be temporal.
He will be stuck with his problems unless he deals with his issues and/or accepts his responsibility via counseling.
Unfortunately, no one has control over his progress in psychotherapy.
If he gives you permission to speak with his counselor, you may bring up your concerns to his counselor (though it's unlikely your husband may allow you to speak with his counselor).
Hopefully, he may work with another counselor specializing in mid life crisis.
You may need support from your family, friends, and/or a counselor for yourself in this challenging situation. Your husband may not get well soon. You may have to be patient with his recovery.
Please let me know if you have more questions or I have overlooked any. Warm regards,
Dr. Olsen and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you