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Suzanne, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience:  LCSW, RN. Mental Health, Relationship & Parenting issues.EMDR, Hypnosis.
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ASK SUZANNE, i went to a graduation luncheon for my nephew

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ASK SUZANNE, i went to a graduation luncheon for my nephew recently. Judy sat next to me, talking to my husband, ignoring me completely. when i would ask a question or say something, she would answer anthony. this hurt my feelings. kim and i don't speak. i acknowledge there has been hurt on both sides. i feel like they are continuing to hurt me. Below is an email i sent to my husband today. Please let me know what your advice is:
Dear *****,
Regarding your family,
Kim and I never really got along 100%.
I always thought she was in my business too much and she always
thought I was not opening up enough to her. Through the years she has
caused me some hard times, "the constant baby questions then asking me other things."
Last year, when she went on face book announcing that she was done with me,
really took me hard for that was a very hard time for me and i think she kicked and spit on me
when i was down so to speak. According to her, she is hurt as well.
Maybe it is best that we don't speak. The best I can do is be around her without saying a word
and I think that is the best she can do around me. I acknowledge it is not easy being her
and i pray for her as i would anyone else. When she posted that on face book,
saying she was done with me, it hurt a lot. i wanted nothing more but a close relationship with my
sister-in-laws but unfortunately, it did not work out. maybe in time in will but right now, i feel as though
i have more healing to do. perhaps she has healing to do as well. i don't feel comfortable in her presence.
Judy sent me that mean email. Steve called me screaming. neither apologized to me.
after not hearing from either of them for months, i reached out so that there would be a peace
at my birthday party. i thought there was some kind of peace. Steve has been ok with me.
at the party on saturday, judy spoke to you, sitting right next to me acting like i don't exist.
i don't know how to handle this. it hurts my feelings. in the case with judy, i really don't know what to do.
again, i acknowledge that she has a full plate and it is not easy being her and i wish her well with
everything. saturday's party made me feel very uncomfortable and it hurt my feelings.
for my own peace of mind, i think it is best i am not around her either.
It pains me to say these things because i think i am a very good person who would do anything for anyone.
but how long can i continue to let myself be hurt or put in situations where i don't feel comfortable.
With this being said, i think it is best if i don't go to parties if i'm not comfortable.
You and I have some problems as well and my life isn't always a bed of roses,
but i am dealing with things the best way I can. I need to look out for myself as well.
I'd like a response from you.
Suzanne - what do you think? Anthony responded that he agrees with me and he will go alone.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Suzanne replied 5 years ago.
Your email to your husband did a very good job of explaining why you have decided to avoid these get-togethers. Anyone would be uncomfortable being ignored the way you were by your sister in law at the party Saturday. There is such a long history this past year of hurtful behavior from various in-laws, that your decision seems wise. It doesn't require Anthony or the baby to stop having contact with that side of the family, and it also allows you to protect yourself. You might consider just joining the family on major holidays like Thanksgiving & Christmas, so that you don't end up feeling lonely or shut-out on holidays (unless you can make plans to be with people on your own side of the family at those times). Of course, check with your therapist, but to me it seems like you've made a good decision.
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