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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5807
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Hi Kate.Last summer I spoke to a male counselor. He told

Resolved Question:

Hi Kate. Last summer I spoke to a male counselor. He told me that the services they provide here are not for me. He said I need a social life. My mom said I should go back and talk to him. I was surprised by how nice he was and easy to talk to. I would still rather talk to you Kate as you are so nice to talk to and you are not only a wonderful therapist but also a friend. He told me not to go to bars to meet people. When I come home from work I think too much about the night supervisor and the work place. I was told work is work and home is life. Kate, what must I do to stop thinking about work and the night supervisor when I come home? I talk about him too much to my family when I come home. Is having a social life the answer to this problem and what steps must I take to get a social life? I have been told my night supervisor has no life. I live alone and I basically go to work at night, come home in the morning. I am usually in the apartment most of the day and go to bed in the early afternoon to get up at night to go to work again. Errands like paying bills, going to the bank I do at night time. My mom was saying that this lifestyle of mine is not healthy and that I need to be doing things instead of being inside the apartment all day. She said that I am obsessed with him. I don't feel my life is that much better than the night supervisor and I wish to have my lifestyle changed for the better. I come home and think too much and talk about the night supervisor to my family. My mind is still on him and work and this is unhealthy. I was told from a former co worker that work should be work and home is life.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

I am sorry to hear that the counselor you saw felt that the services here were not for you. I would think that anything you felt was helpful and made you feel better would be alright, as long as it did not hurt you. But that is completely up to you.

Thank you so much for your kind words. I enjoy talking to you a lot and am always glad to hear from you!

Having a social life is great, but it is often only a sign that you are a healthy individual. Social lives to do not take care of personal problems. And your feelings about your night supervisor can be dealt with only by talking about them. When something bothers you at work, it is natural for it to spill over into your personal life. People cannot just shut off their feelings once they leave work, especially when something bothers them at a personal level.

Your schedule makes it hard for you to have a normal social life. You work a schedule that is opposite of most other people. While they are at work you are home or sleeping. When they are home you are at work. It is common for those working night shifts to experience trouble in their social lives and difficulties with coordinating their schedules with others.

In order to develop a social life, you have to allow for the difference in your schedule. That means that you can only do so much. You can maybe do more on your off days, but even then it is hard. You might want to try to do one thing during the day once a week if you can find something that appeals to you. Maybe a reading group, a hobby, or try volunteering for a few hours somewhere. That way, you can meet people and develop friendships. It can also boost your self esteem. When you help others, you feel good about yourself. And that will help you with your night supervisor. You can also chat on line with someone. That may help you feel connected and you won't have to go out to do it.

To stop thinking about your supervisor when you get home, try occupying yourself. Have something planned will keep you from focusing what happened at work. Also, keep trying to work on your self esteem. Even just a little bit will help you cope with the kinds of things your supervisor does. Because he tries to make you and others feel bad about themselves you end up feeling down and on the defensive. As a result your self esteem takes a hit each time you deal with him. To counteract that, you need a boost to help you see that what he says is not true. Getting out and talking with others who are kinder to you helps that.

TherapistMarryAnn and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

You metioned Kate to stop thinking about my night supervisor when I get home to try occupying myself. Have something planned will keep me from focusing what happened at work.

What would be examples of this?

Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

You may want to try something you really enjoy. If that is going out, then something you look forward to would help. Anything that is around other people is ideal because that would help you see that others react better to you than your supervisor does, helping you boost your esteem. So volunteering is one idea. Another is grocery shopping or other kinds of shopping. That helps you to be around others and it is distracting. Visiting someone is good too. If you want to be inside, then watching a good movie helps or talking to someone on line. You can make a lot of friends on line and have someone to talk with anytime you feel work is getting to you.


You may also want to journal your feelings when you get home. Writing them out can help you get them off your chest so they do not bother you as much. Writing them down and putting them aside is a way to get your feelings out and off your mind.


Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Kate, your last answer I clicked accept to accept your answer and I wanted to leave feedback. On the feedback page the neutral circle was highlighted and I was trying to click positive and it still showed neutral. I left page and came back and accepted earlier answer with bonus for you. If neutral was highlighted I would liked this answer changed to positive please. Your answers have been great. I do not want to select neutral for your answer.

Do you need me to click accept for your second answer you gave me as it did not show thank you for accepting my answer as something went wrong? accept button is not there . I accepted your first answer as I want to be sure you were paid. I'm sorry for this mess.

Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Thank you so much for letting me know. I did not receive the neutral but I will forward your question to the moderators just in case so they know to look into it. Thank you again for your thoughtfulness!


Talk to you soon,