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Alicia_MSW
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  Specializing in mental health counseling
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husband has dysthymia, daibetes and ED, is like being with

Resolved Question:

husband has dysthymia, daibetes and ED, is like being with a child who is very needy, what should i do as i am very frustrated by his behaviour and lack of motivation
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 5 years ago.
Hello,

I'm Alicia. Thanks for your question. I'm happy to help you today.
Dealing with someone who has these problems can be very draining and frustrating, especially if they are not motivated to seek help. And as you probably already know, it's extremely difficult to encourage someone to seek help who doesn't want to be helped. If your husband is not already in treatment, it's really important that he seeks professional mental health assistance. His condition can improve with the right treatment - and his dysthymia can be preventing him from reaching out for help. At the very least, he should speak to his regular doctor about dealing with these conditions - people with diabetes have a higher risk of depression, and with the proper treatment, his symptoms may be reduced.
You might want to share this article with him, as it provides several useful tips regarding self-help strategies for people with depressive disorders:
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_tips.htm

You might also encourage him to join a support group (you might want to think about doing this yourself, as it sounds like you are in need of some extra social support while dealing with this situation). Here is a list of support groups in New Zealand for people with mood disorders (and for people whose lives are affected by others with mood disorders):
http://www.depression.org.nz/content/waythrough/help+services

You might also share this website with him, in case he feels like calling to speak to someone about getting help:
http://www.depression.org.nz/

The most important thing for you is that you protect yourself and make sure that his condition is not completely draining you. You need your own social supports, friends, your own interests and your own life to prevent yourself from being dragged down into the hole with him. You can be supportive, but you can't rescue him if he doesn't want help. The most you can do is to encourage him to reach out for help and try to motivate him to help himself, while making sure that you continue to live your own life. If necessary, you might think about seeing a counselor again so that you have support while dealing with this. You also should make sure that you have enough time for relaxation and stress relief, as dealing with someone with a depressive disorder can be very stressful and tiring. You may wish to review this information if you don't already have a regular stress management routine:
http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Stressmanagement/Pages/Relaxation.aspx

I hope that helps. Please let me know if you need additional assistance.

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