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I am deployed and on my second marriage. i have a daughter

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i am deployed and on...
i am deployed and on my second marriage. i have a daughter with another woman and my current wife wont allow me to be friends with the mom on facebook so i can see pictures or get updates while i am deployed. my current wife is pregnant and tries to control how i see my daughter. does she have a right to control that or is it my right as a dad to be able to see my daughter anyway possible. my wife does send me pictures because she is friends with my daughters mom on facebook but wont allow me
Submitted: 5 years ago.Category: Mental Health
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Answered in 2 minutes by:
6/2/2012
Mental Health Professional: Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist replied 5 years ago
Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4,627
Experience: PsyD, LPC, CHt
Verified
Dr. Rossi :

Hi,

Dr. Rossi :

Your daughter needs you an another person should not prevent you from seeing her

Dr. Rossi :

Your wife may feel somewhat jealous because you've got to share your attention b/w the other family

Dr. Rossi :

As a future mother, she would have to understand that a child needs her parents

Dr. Rossi :

How would she feel if someone does not let her interact w/ her own future child?

Dr. Rossi :

It may not be an issue of whether she has a right to control how you see your daughter but more of an issue whether or not you allow another person to interfere b/w your father-daughter bond

Customer:

thats what i have said to her but she had a bad history with her ex husband and his kids so she has trust issues

Dr. Rossi :

She has to understand that she's displacing her mistrust and other feelings that she holds towards her ex onto you

Dr. Rossi :

If she wants to move on, she has to address these. You are her family now

Dr. Rossi :

In a way, she would be punishing your daughter.

Dr. Rossi :

And, as an adult, hopefully she can see through her own needs and that of a child

Customer:

and she gets mad because i dont always tell her the truth. like she asked me if i looked at my daughters mom profile. i said no but to be honest i use my wifes profile to look at pics. but i only lie because she will yell at me the same if i tell her the truth or lie. even about little stuff. she gets very upset over. i know most of it is hormones from being pregnant but i am deployed i have enough stress to deal with.

Dr. Rossi :

It may be helpful to work together on this when you're back. Meanwhile, you could encourage her to engage in self introspection and see where she may be in error. You could speak to her in an objective non judgemental way. Simply asking her to look into her own feelings and subsequent behaviors and how these affect your family.

Dr. Rossi :

You may let her know that you want to trust her judgement and that you hope it is not harmful to others i.e. your daughter

Dr. Rossi :

That way, you enable her to do something and feel in control without being angry or resentful

Dr. Rossi :

She could take some time to do this first for herself, then for you and eventually for others

Customer:

yea i think the only thing that will work is getting councilling in person and someone tell her this.

Dr. Rossi :

True. She needs to see it objectively. She could get counseling even when you're away for her wellbeing

Dr. Rossi :

When you're together, it can be addressed as a family. She must feel insecure to be acting this way.

Customer:

atleast i know i am thinking in the right direction. thanks alot for your help

Dr. Rossi :

You can reassure her that you love her and the comming baby and that being a dad or in contact w/ others is not taking away from that

Dr. Rossi :

It is the right direction. No one needs to suffer - she as a result of her anger and insecurity, you being caught in the middle, your daughter being deprived from her dad, or your ex not being able to communicate about your daughter w/ you

Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4,627
Experience: PsyD, LPC, CHt
Verified
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Mental Health Professional: Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist replied 5 years ago
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Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi
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Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4,627
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