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Ryan LCSW, Mental Health
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  Individual and Family Therapist
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My boyfriend feels like hes a bad guy and wanted to take some

Customer Question

My boyfriend feels like he's a bad guy and wanted to take some time to think about his "stuff". So, we're on a 1-2 week break depending on how quickly he can come to a decision. He still loves me, still wants to see things work, but just really wants some him time. We've had our moments as every couple does and at times have had to have hard discussions, but they've only ever moved us forward. He's also concerned about marriage (we've been together a year and a half and we're both 25), and wants to make sure that I'm the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. That's a hard thing to hear, but I know this is coming up because he is seeing some things in him that maybe have prevented him from thinking like this before. He's basically overwhelmed and says that he needs to think about all this stuff by himself. He still wanted contact, but I told him that it wouldn't be fair to me. Things have been going wonderfully recently. Something happened over the weekend that was a huge wake-up call for both of us, so I wasn't completely surprised he asked for this. (I'd rather not go into details...) Are we doomed!?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 5 years ago.
Thanks for your question. My name is XXXXX XXXXX I'd like to help you out.

Despite having this wake up call, and him needing to take some time off, that doesn't automatically mean that you are doomed. It sounds like your relationship together is generally pretty good. The fact that you can communicate well with each other is very encouraging. Sometimes a wake-up call can actually be a good thing if it allows either of you or both to work on some of the problems in your relationship leading up to this point. If taking space allows him to get this figured out for himself, it may make your relationship stronger in the long run. Of course there are always risks in a situation like this, but if you know that he still loves you and he still wants to make this work, he may just need this space to figure out how it's going to happen for himself.

If you start to see some warning signs such as his feelings changing, or the break starts to go on indefinitely, then there may be more reason to be concerned.
For now the situation sounds as you presented it, that he just needs some time. These things do happen, and many relationships survive and are stronger for going through it.

I certainly wish you the best and hope that I've been able to answer your question. If there's anything else I can do to help just let me know.

Ryan LCSW and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Should I be worried that after a year and a half he's not 100% sure about marriage? Like I mentioned before, and something my parents have said, this is not a topic he's sincerely XXXXX XXXXX and now wants to really think about it. Also, I asked him if he's thought about being single and he said, "kind of".
Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 5 years ago.
If this is something that he's never really thought about before, this may be a problem that has less to do with you, but more about the point that he is in his life and relationship with you. It is probably because a year and a half has gone by that he knows he has to give this more serious thought, so he may need to do this in order to determine that he is 100%. It's you that has caused him to think about this for the first time, so that may be a compliment in a way. But if he's thinking about this for the first time and trying to figure this out, there's also bound to be some uncertainty, which I'm sure is hard to hear. It's a tough position for you to be in and I'm sure it's impossible not to be worried somewhat, but at the same time it sounds like there are a lot of positive factors pointing towards him wanting to work this out. The fact that the love is there, and that you communicate and problem solve so well together still leave a lot of reasons to be optimistic.

All the best,

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you. I really appreciate getting an opinion from someone who has dealt with these kind of relationships before!
Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 5 years ago.
No problem! I'm really glad I could help. Hang in there and good luck with everything.