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My daughter is 3 years old and she is very smart. She knows

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all the colors can count...
My daughter is 3 years old and she is very smart. She knows all the colors can count to 15 and almost knows her ABC's. we had just visited her grandfather on her fathers side, which my daughter only see's him 3 to 6 weeks out of the year. we live in TN and he lives in FL. when we had visited him my daughter and a fit because her cousin wanted something she has so i put her in time out which is our routine at home. he thought he would take matters in his own and hands and he whooped her very hard on her leg. He had call my parents and said that she need psychologisis treatment or be avaluated. Im not sure what to do? she has her moments whwen shse dont get her way and i let her have her moments and then she is fine. at home she dont act the way she did when we was there. He said that she was unhealthy because she drinks milk and while we was ther shse drank a gallon of milk in 3 days. she gets milk, juice and water but, no kind of sugar drinks and no soda. i know my daughter like the back of my hand, i have her 24/7 aand i raise her alone. I waned to get your opion on wha tpath i should take? should i get your avaluated to please him or contine to raise her and punish her the way i have been?
Submitted: 5 years ago.Category: Mental Health
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Answered in 16 minutes by:
6/1/2012
Mental Health Professional: Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist replied 5 years ago
Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5,334
Experience: Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
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Hi! I believe I can be of help with this issue.

I can imagine how frustrating this situation must be for you. You are clearly a loving and caring mom and you have a delightful child. She is indeed very bright and cognitive development is very much ahead.

I think you know very well within yourself that the way you are raising her is so far doing just fine and that these "problems" he complained of are more indicative of his problems than hers. I am happy, though, to confirm this for you. However, there is a problem here: with him. And I think you also know within yourself that it is not going to be pleasant. What is the problem?

He is crossing boundaries and needs to be reigned in. He may believe that hitting kids is healthy and that the current thing about not hitting kids is new age malarkey. That's fine. However, he is opening you up to legal action by Child Protective Services for allowing him to hit your child, especially if he leaves bruises. (I'm telling you this if it is helpful for you in dealing with him.) The real problem is that he is disciplining her in ways you do not approve of. He has to understand that he must follow YOUR rules if he wishes to see her other than in supervised situations.

I have a feeling this is the tough part for you. But you must face it and tell him and if he flies off the handle than you tell him you are going to hang up now and when he's calmer and able to talk like an adult and agree that you as the parent have the responsibility for her discipline and the right to not have others discipline her unless you ask them to. And if it causes a feud, know that Dr. Mark is behind you and has had to deal with a few of them. They're not pleasant, but either is what you're going through now. And I can tell you he won't be easier to deal with when he is older.

As for the milk, I assume that her pediatrician gives her checkups and measures her developmentally against the standard benchmarks and she's fine. If so, I don't know what he's tyring to complain about. Reassure him that her doctor has checked it out and that she's cleared for milk consumption!

I want to tell you, though, some real concerns to be watchful for: kids who are very bright tend to emotionally have a harder time coping. So get the book, a real classic, How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk by Faber and Mazlish. It's 30 years old but still the best. Their teacher's book, Between Parent and Child is still in print after 50 years. It's by Haim Ginott. It will help you with how to help her for her whole life.

Okay, I wish you the very best!

Please remember to click the green accept button because: even though you have made a deposit, I do not get paid for my time unless you press ACCEPT. You are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing ACCEPT. Feel free to continue the discussion even after pressing ACCEPT as my goal is to get you the best answer possible. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "for Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, ***** *****

Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5,334
Experience: Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
Verified
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Customer reply replied 5 years ago

Thank you. and he is making treatning phone calls to my parent saying that he is worried about her well being becaues she is still on a soft nipple sippy cup and he says no toddler should be on a sippy cup and that she should not be drinking milk. she just had a well check up last month and her weigt and height was normal for a 3 year old. its like he always has something negitive to say about me. His son, my daughter's father is a police officer so he thinks its ok to be the way he is. my daugher was at her fathers house and her grandfather was there and from what i heard the washer her with normal body wash for adults and it got on her private and was burning, Well the grandfather held her down the bath to wash the soap off. and as of what he said that my daughter pitched a fit and she didnt want to get back in the soapy water. and when i had asked about it he said " she shouldnt have been pitching a fit the way she was" and i had said why didnt you run her under the clean water and not where there is already soap and she would have calmmed down. its like its his way or no way and im tired of the phone calls. my question is should i get her avaluated to please him? or continue my way and let him talk negitive?

Mental Health Professional: Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist replied 5 years ago
I can only tell you that you are asking this question as if things will get better if you just give in. This is what people say to themselves about abusers. Does it work?

I think you know it does not. He will only expect you to be more servile and do whatever he says next time. This is not workable. You may need to engage an attorney if you are intimidated by your husband being a policeman. You may need to enlist your family's help in this and you are welcome to use our conversation in this.

He clearly is posing a danger to your daughter. This will not ease up as she gets older. It will be more confusing for her and harder for you to deal with than if you set boundaries now. I wish it was easier but it doesn't work that way.

I wish you the very best!

Please remember to click the green accept button because: even though you have made a deposit, I do not get paid for my time unless you press ACCEPT. You are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing ACCEPT. Feel free to continue the discussion even after pressing ACCEPT as my goal is to get you the best answer possible. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "for Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, ***** *****

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Customer reply replied 5 years ago
again thank you, ***** ***** and i have been split up for almost 9 months now and iam takin him for child support. the only thing im worried about is them taking my daughter to florida and not bringing her back.. I do have full custody of her... im really just tired of the grandfather saying there is something wrong with her because she "" throws a fit around him"" would it be best to get her avaluated? your option?
Mental Health Professional: Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist replied 5 years ago
These are common fears. You have to trust your attorney. If you don't, you must get a new one.

Because this is part of the custody agreement: he can only take her outside a 100 mile perimeter or other agreed to boundary with your written permission. Otherwise, he is in contempt of the custody agreement and it is actionable with a warrant issued for him.

Next, you might need to document these complaints about his dad and introduce it into the custody agreement that the grandfather must not have this kind of access to her because of concern of corporal punishment and cruel treatment. See how this works? Right, you must have a good attorney...

All the best to you. Love her and enjoy her, Dr. Mark
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